To think this is so frustrating????

[LD97]

So my partner has 2 children to a woman who at times can be very frustrating!!

Just let me know if we are being unreasonable??
So my partner works Monday to Friday so naturally sees his children on the weekend or school holidays! Even if we wanted them during the week she wouldn't allow it.
They are only allowed to stay one night on the weekend because his youngest will say she doesn't want to come yet when she's here is most of the time perfectly fine! And isn't that most children? I have a son also who cries for his dad when he's here but also cries for me when he's at his dad but he knows he has to spend time with both of us!

On the off chance we do get to have them all weekend they will have to be back at daft o'clock in the morning so his ex can see them before work even though she sees them all week??

Also we're planning a family holiday next year we have no dates yet so my partner messaged his ex just mentioning it and saying is there any dates she wouldn't like us book and she said that his youngest wouldn't come away with us for a week and she wouldn't cope.

Baring in mind she's just took them away for a week and I get his youngest is closer to her mum but as a dad he has rights too?? She also went mad once when they stayed over on a school night and were 10 minutes late to school because we live 30 minutes away saying they can't miss school it's really important and his oldest was distraught. Yet when we dropped her off was perfectly fine and smiling? And she's just took them on holiday during school time? Yet if we suggested that she would refuse.

Just at my wits end and need some advice. Would he need to take her to court for rights? Even when he's on their birth certificates?

Alternating weekends, sorry confusing typo.

Actually she wouldn't, well she would but it would take the courts years to sort it out.
My friends EXH refused to return the kids and refused to let my friend have contact - it took 4 years for the courts to sort it out. And that was a mum trying to get rights to their child; they're even slower when it's a dad trying to get contact.

Yes. If he isn't happy with the arrangements he should go to court.

It's a feeble excuse to say he works Mon - Fri. Just about everybody does. Men very often use this as a reason not to see their children.

Also OP - fathers don't have "rights", but children do.

Parents have zero rights.
It's the children who have the rights.
Out of interest, are the children coming every weekend for contact??

Parents don't have rights.
Your boyfriend should obviously have got a court order long ago.
Don't get involved in other people's parenting drudgery. Nothing good comes of it. He should be solely focused on his kids on the few days a month he currently bothers to parent.

A lot of this could have been written by my ex's partner because my kids have always masked around them, and will accept stuff that makes them unhappy because it's easier than arguing with their dad. Nowadays (they're 14 and 16) I let them make their own choices about when to go (my daughter still struggles to be with them for holidays because of the confrontational environment in their house with their younger autistic daughter).

However when they were younger I had to advocate for them as they told me how they felt and masked or outright lied in front of their dad because they didn't want to argue and don't feel that he listens. If you can have an open dialog about what you all want out of the contact arrangements then that's a good start, but you need to remember that the slog of daily routine is different to a generally fun weekend, and pick up some of the weekday slack if you can.

Parents do not have ANY rights, they have RESPONSIBILITIES towards children, who have RIGHTS.
Banging on about his rights makes me think you are all selfish narcs.

Sounds like it needs a formal arrangement. The courts will not look favourably on the mum if he has proof that she said she would withhold the children from their dad if he did this. Unfortunately though court cases take a long time, a lot of money and is a sad situation to end up in, but may be what is needed.
They are also more likely to consider shared custody, so it might be that he has to agree to a week night as well. Saying he only wants weekends is not fair on the mum. The court would also put in writing holiday arrangements and things like Christmas.

My advice is he goes to court for 50/50. And if she stops contact whilst that's happening, well that will look bad for her with the judge.

Has the youngest been able to verbalise why they don’t want to come?

Im wondering if you and your boyfriend haven’t been together long/living together long? Perhaps the introduction of a new girlfriend and her child is quite a lot for her to take in if so?

I would tread carefully here, as this is really something between your boyfriend and his ex to try and sort. Failing that, court.

Agreed, I also work full time 9-5 weekdays but I’m the primary caregiver for my children. Their Dad only has them weekends even though he works part time.

Does the youngest one WANT to go away for a week? Surely you’d just ask them. My 3 year old went away to France for a week with his dad and grandparents, but even at 3 when I asked he said he wanted to go and knew it meant being away from mummy for a week but we can call. If he had been upset and said he didn’t want to go I wouldn’t have made him go, and I’m sure his dad would have understood.

If he’s that bothered about contact he should take it to a judge. Bet he won’t! He just wants to be a disney dad.

The ex is using the children as weapons...

Court is the only way - however, isn't worth the paper it's written on unfortunately, she could just say the kids are ill, etc. Doesn't matter how many breaches there are, the onus would be on your partner to go back to court each time.

I've been to court and my ex breached it within days, and all I was told was to go back to court. Personally it's not a healthy arena for children's lives to be discussed.

*I'm a mother and in the split my ex decided the kids were possessions of his, and took them, 4.5 years later, I see them every fortnight for 4.5 hours!!

Why would that be in their best interest when they have a long journey to school and can't manage to get there on time? And when littlest already struggles to be away from mum?

If you want to do a holiday with the kids why not start with a Uk based holiday park or seaside hotel for two nights one holiday then three nights the next and see how it goes before doing Brad?

I'm so sorry! How did this happen?

When my son was 4 years old, I wouldn't let him go abroad for a week without me either. He is 6yo now, and I still think he is too young; I think I would be comfortable at 8yo.

What about him asking for 1 full weekend per month in addition to the current schedule or every other weekend? So mum gets one full weekend, dad gets one full weekend, etc.

Has he asked her what her reservations are about time in the week besides the one time getting them to school late? Do they have a preestablished routine, such as extracurricular activities?

The problem here is that neither the mum nor the dad (your partner) is child-focused; it's all about what the adult wants. You don't have rights as a parent; you have responsibilities, and the children have rights. A court would take a dim view of anyone saying 'it's my right to do this/have this time with my children' It doesn't work like that. The most sensible and adult thing to do would be for them to both sit down and come up with a plan (with a mediator) if necessary, as the resident parent, without a specific court order she does, I'm afraid, hold all the cards but work with her (even if you/partner have to bite your tongue) If she is uncomfortable with them going for a week, ask what would make her more comfortable, could you start with a short break to try it out? Play the game.