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Original poster

Have I traumatised my baby?

28 replies

Livlab · 15/10/2024 20:37

My baby is 4 months old. I had cause to take him to hospital at the weekend (fever, rash, laboured breathing). During our time at hospital he went through waves of being settled but then would randomly start hysterically crying out of no where.

The staff were great and ran lots of tests, one of them being a blood test. My poor baby had to be held down by one of the nurses on the bed while the doctor drew blood from his arm. Meanwhile I was by his side stroking his chest and singing to him. He was turning bright red he was crying so much. His eyes completely glazed over and he looked in shock.

I’m worried about the impact this will have had on him. I’ve seen videos online about how when baby’s needs aren’t met it affects their attachment. I wasn’t able to comfort him or meet his needs at that time and I’m worried this will have had an impact on him

OP posts:

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BeGutsyPlumBird · 15/10/2024 20:39

Aw sweetie please don't worry! <3
Attachment isn't formed in a singular moment. And in this stress, he had his mum comforting him which will strengthen your bond and attachment because you were there for him!

Hellospooky · 15/10/2024 20:40

He will be fine. He will never remember this and it would be worse to have left him and potentially become critically unwell. That’s not meeting a babies needs. A few minutes of upset isn’t going to an issue.

SilenceInside · 15/10/2024 20:40

No it won't have any impact in the context of an otherwise attentive and responsive environment. You were comforting him during the procedure and it was a one off. Not meeting needs means repeatedly over weeks and months ignoring a baby's distress and doing nothing at all to comfort them.

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vodkaredbullgirl · 15/10/2024 20:40

It will all be forgotten about, they won't remember.

FairCrow · 15/10/2024 20:41

4 month old babies often have a habit of being settled and then screeching out of nowhere.

You sought appropriate medical care. As you say, you were singing and comforting him. You have not traumatised him. You are doing a good job.

Tbskejue · 15/10/2024 20:41

Did they not numb the area? I’m surprised they didn’t.
However no it would not have traumatised him, it takes repeatedly not meeting a baby’s needs to have a long term impact

UpUpUpU · 15/10/2024 20:45

He wont remember. My son ended up in A&E with pneumonia when he was 9 months old. The doctors tried 5 times to cannulate him and my son was inconsolable (as was I afterwards). My son is now 6 and doesn't remember a thing about it and it has had no effect on our relationship.

Are you OK? It is so much worse for the parents.

Original poster

Livlab · 15/10/2024 20:47

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I found it so incredibly distressing seeing him so upset, I suppose that has probably made me feel anxious about the impact it had on him!

@Tbskejue no they didn’t, is this something they should have done? I was also feeding him sucrose from a dropper that the doctor gave me which I believe is meant to act as pain relief?

OP posts:

Singleandproud · 15/10/2024 20:48

Yes when baby's needs aren't met it impacts attachment. However he was not in a 1990s Romanian orphanage barely being touched by another human for his entire childhood. He was in hospital unwell where his medical needs trumped his other needs, he cried because he was ill and having your blood taken hurts temporarily. He, and you will both be fine.

Original poster

Livlab · 15/10/2024 20:50

@UpUpUpU that must have been awful for you and your son! You’re right, it is worse for us! He fed for much longer than usual straight afterwards so that makes me feel slightly better that I was able to comfort him

OP posts:

Tattletail · 15/10/2024 20:52

Please don't be upset. You did what you had to for your baby. He won't remember this and you WAS with him and meeting his needs. Not having him checked over could have be more detrimental.

Maraudingmarauders · 15/10/2024 20:52

He will be fine.
My son had multiple cannula after birth and more heel prick tests than I could count as the blood kept drying before they could test it. Not numbed at all, just the sugar drops like you had.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 15/10/2024 20:53

Secure attachments are formed from a series of events and interactions, not a singular event. He will have completely forgotten about it now at his age.
Attachment parenting is about a general pattern or style of parenting, it’s not about perfection (it doesn’t exist!!) so don’t beat yourself up. There will be many times when you have to do what’s right for their health and wellbeing that they won’t enjoy.
One of mine was a nightmare for having his teeth brushed. No amount of gentle coaxing, bribery, reward, choosing his own toothbrush, trying to make it a fun game would cut it with him, but I had to brush his teeth. Oh the battles….!!! But not having tooth decay was more important than not upsetting him.
He’s still a handful but very much growing into a confident, happy, securely attached and functioning member of society.

ETA: and he’s got excellent teeth to boot 😂

bergamotorange · 15/10/2024 20:57

It is awful being in that situation. But a baby who has their needs met most of the time is not going to have any attachment issues - attachment issues come from PERSISTENT lack of care.

If you think logically - if what you fear were true, any baby who was taken to intensive care or any baby who had treatment would have an attachment problem. This is not happening.

IveGotALovelyBunchOfCoconutss · 15/10/2024 21:05

I know what you mean, I was in and out of hospital with my DS when he was newborn for a good 10 months or so. I would say it's probably traumatised you and they will be ok. I can still remember every single time they took blood from him and how awful it was. He will happily go to the Drs now for medicine, a check up, anything. Had the flu vaccine up his nose a couple of weeks ago, happy as anything. He sees it as fun and no ill effects from those early months what I can tell. He's nearly 2 and a half now. It's truly horrific for a parent to go though

VivianLea · 15/10/2024 21:12

Oh OP please don't worry !! You must be shattered and stressed to the nines, it's completely normal to overthink things in this type of situation.

But believe me, you have NOT damaged your baby!! In fact, you were in that moment meeting his needs. He needed medical care, and you made sure he got it. During a frightening situation he needed to hear your voice and feel your touch, and you made sure you were singing and stroking him. You did everything right. He will have known that although frightening things were happening, his mummy was there and he was safe.

Midlifezombie · 15/10/2024 21:13

Awww I will never forget having to hand my baby to the medics to put an oxygen mask on as he was just not getting enough air in his lungs (viral induced asthma). He screamed and looked terrified as they clamped it over his face and looked at me so searchingly and desperately. At the time I was sure I saw betrayal in his eyes. I still feel traumatised! But he can’t remember a thing. In fact, he’s 13 now and will still hold my hand and tells me he loves me unprompted. Oh and I couldn’t breastfeed beyond about 3 weeks - nearly starving him to death and went back to work fulltime when he was 5.5 months old. Despite these maternal ‘failings’, we seem to not have any attachment issues! He loves spending time with me and is super affectionate, despite being a tricky age. You have my sympathies but your son - and your relationship with him - will be just fine x

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 15/10/2024 21:16

My son had a similar experience at 5 months old and I was also worried he would be traumatised. But after he recovered from being ill his behaviour just went back to normal and he was fine. He’s 16 months old now and very securely attached to me.

amispeakingintongues · 15/10/2024 21:22

Oh bless you. It is the worst thing seeing your baby so distressed isn't it?

BUT it sounds like you're doing a brilliant job by making sure he is receiving the right level of medical care. Attachment is formed across a long period of time and although he was upset in that moment, he won't remember it, and you are still the centre of his universe. You are doing brilliantly. Parenting is just full of some really tough heartbreaking moments. It gets easier when you can explain things to them. Be easy on yourself x

meganna · 15/10/2024 21:28

I know exactly how you are feeling OP, I went through exactly the same thing with my youngest who was hospitalised at 3 weeks old. He cried so much he glazed over, and the only thing I could do was feed him sugar water like you did. He was in an incubator and I wasn't allowed to hold him for a couple of days and I felt so so helpless and guilty.

He is now 2 and the most loving, cuddly, solidly attached child! I felt traumatised by the experience for a long time, but DS is perfectly fine and totally unaffected. Please don't beat yourself up, you will look back at this and wonder why you ever let it worry you. Big hugs x

AmyW9 · 15/10/2024 21:30

Please don't worry! The same thing happened to my DD at a similar age when we had a meningitis scare (false alarm thank god). She's now a happy and bouncy two-year old. You did the right thing by meeting your little one's needs.

Will say, the trauma has stayed with me. Seeing your child pinned down is so hard, my DD reacted just like you mention. That heartbreak-like feeling hasn't left me, but I do know it was all done for very good reason.

HarkALark · 15/10/2024 21:31

@Livlab When DD had her jabs I still remember the look of utter shock on her face when the HV injected her, like she'd been betrayed. 😂 Honestly I could've knocked the poor woman out. But I can assure you DD is perfectly emotionally stable many years later (and the nurse remained unassaulted).

redhatpurplehair · 15/10/2024 21:41

How much do you remember from when you were 4 months old?

There's your answer.

LurkingFromTheShadows · 15/10/2024 21:44

As long as you're responding to baby's needs 70% of the time, attachment is still be established. Even if this fell into the 30% category, you were there, he knew you were there. He wasn't alone.
Please don't feel bad. It's so tough as a parent to see our little ones go through something stressful but when it's necessary, as this was, you have to make peace with it. Rather this than you not taking him and something being really wrong.
Hope he feels better soon.

Borninabarn32 · 15/10/2024 21:51

I had to pin my toddler down while the doctors did an ecg/ekg a few months ago. It took ages. He was an absolute mess. They also took blood and again I had to force him to stay still while he screamed and begged. I was in tears, he was inconsolable.

He was over it within a day or two. It's one blip in an otherwise consistently loving and nurturing relationship.

He doesn't like the doctors though. We went for his 3yr jabs the other day and he was crying before we even went inside. But again he was over it after we'd watched a film when we got home.

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