Coping with 2 DC with DH going back to work

[Lijay1]

DH is back to work tomorrow and I have an almost 2 year old and a 2 week old to look after. I'm sat here thinking how the hell am I going to cope or get out the house? Any tips would be great.
Had a c section and not cleared to drive yet so trips out are limited but there is one park within walking distance thank god. But how did everyone else cope? Was it as bad as I imagine it's going to be?

My age gap was bigger, but I used to have the baby in the sling and eldest in the buggy or walking.

I’d pack a bag full of snacks and toys wherever we went. Enclosed places are easier so the eldest can’t run off while you are feeding the baby.

Do you have a double buggy. I had that age gap and we moved to temporary accommodation at DH's work when DC2 was 3 weeks. 2nd floor flat and no lift so a lot of coaxing DC1 up and down stairs but we were out all day everyday. Double buggy was invaluable for making sure both napped enough and I could be hands free for coffee stops. Playgroups were great. Couple of quid for DC1 to be entertained while DC2 slept or fed and coffee and biscuits.

You do cope. Mine are 22 months apart. Dh is in the marines and lives away from us. It's shit. Mine are 12 and 14 now and it's all a blur.

The thing I wish I'd realised sooner is that everyone else's expectations do not matter. Don't put ANY pressure on yourself. If it takes an hour and a half to get ready to go out, so what? If you need to stop for a cup of tea halfway through getting everyone ready, great! If you get ready to go somewhere and decide not to go, it's not a problem! I found I was feeling frantic and rushed because I felt like I "had" to do certain things, but actually you can just chill (haha - with 2 kids...hmmm... maybe not chill...) - but you CAN do what you feel able to, and at your own speed. Don't put pressure on yourself like "I need to be at the park by 11am", or "we all need to be dressed by 9am" etc. Literally just move at your own pace and if you need to breathe and stick the TV on for the older one for a bit while you gather yourself or take a break or feed the baby - that is perfect! Nobody is watching you! And even if they were, or even if people comment, so what?! They can do things their own way, and you can do things yours. You will be fine. Take it slowly, and it'll keep you calmer.

You know you can do it :) just do it your way :)

Depending what time your Dh leaves for work, he watches both children whilst you shower if you want but at least get dressed, even if that means climbing back into bed. You will probably feel better being dressed than not.

Get him to prepare food and snacks for the day for all of you, either on the morning or the night before. His routine needs to change as he has 2 children, so if that means getting up 10-15 minutes earlier then he does that.

That means food is all done for you and you don't need to think about that. Use the TV if you need to, I am disabled and my children have watched a lot of tv, they do not have square eyes, they are not addicted to screens and are now adults at 21 and 18.

Remember you have had major surgery and if this wasn't a c section you would be expected to rest up. The expectation is you don't do that because you have a baby to look after. But, still prioritise yourself and your health. I had 2 c sections and just shy of 3 years between my children. If you can use childcare for the eldest I would certainly consider it.

Anyone who can come round and help, ask them to or ask your Dh to ask them to help. I have stripped beds of bloody sheets, done laundry, sorted and tidied the houses of friends who asked because in the olden days that is what your female relations would have done to help you as a Mother. Do what you can to get by. Remember, everybody fed, nobody dead is what you are aiming for.

Thank you for all your replies. Unfortunately DH leaves for work at 5:30 and gets home at 6:30 so most of the day I'm on my own. To top it off everyone including my 2 week old has woken up with germs 😱 if I can get through this week then I can get through the others I guess. In at the deep end for us.

This is such a lovely reply thank you. You're so right. I do need to put less pressure on myself and just go with the flow.

It’s terrifying at first! I remember the first solo bedtime with two really well. I kinda think that the first child has taught you to be a parent and the second teaches you all kinds of practical and organisational skills that you need. But that’s a process of weeks and months so just go easy. Take all the tips as above but also just know it’ll be a total riot sometimes and that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it’s the nature of the beast.

A buggy board is a great thing, if you don’t have one?

Honestly, my first year with 2 (20 month gap) is a total blur and all I remember is that it was HARD. Hard on me and hard on my relationship. So my number one piece of advice would be to be kind and forgiving of yourself and your partner too (as long as he is pulling his weight).

My second piece of advice would be to use the time when you are both there to set things straight in the house and get organised. Check the going out bag is stocked, plenty of clean clothes, food prepped where possible. The time you are on your own should just be childcare and resting whenever possible. No housework or chores more than necessary.

You can do this. And this time will pass. It gets much easier after a year or two.