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My two year old daughter would rather my husband

4 replies

super4 · 15/10/2024 14:06

since I stopped breastfeeding her at 22 months old, my daughter has preferred my husbands company.
i am the main carer, so he sees her after work each evening and weekends. I admit, he does play much more games with her than I do. I try, but can never quite match him, also there is tons to do in our house, which has mainly fallen on my shoulders. I am trying to address this right now, more of an even balance whilst keeping the place at least clean. My husband needs reminding to help out often - he doesn’t admit this, but I think he feels it’s my work and not his also.

He adores our daughter and she him. They are incredibly close. She says his name first thing in the morning and constantly wants him to brush her teeth, dress her, change her bum and any other task she needs help with.

When it’s just her and I it’s fine, great, I know she loves me.
but when it’s the three of us, I constantly feel on the periphery of their relationship, watching them interact and have fun whilst I’m on the outskirts.
my husband does try to involve me, but in all honesty he is so all encompassing with her - it’s difficult to penetrate and also she can then be quite dismissive and mean to me, hitting me, pushing me away and looking at me as if I had just burnt her favourite toy or something.
I really am struggling to cope with it.

we have been through a huge ivf battle to have our daughter, 10 years in the making, in the end we opted for a donor egg, using my husband sperm.
so stupidly, my mind plays tricks on me - telling me it’s because I’m not genetically related to her as he is.
im probably really over thinking this.
I just hope it’s a faze, because right now, it’s making me quite sad and a little lost.

if there is any advice or anything someone could offer, I’d appreciate it.

OP posts:
curiouscat1987 · 15/10/2024 16:26

Try not to let it get to you. My daughter has been firmly team dad since she was like 3 months, even though im the 'fun' parent. Everyone says it comes and goes in phases - but still waiting for it to change and shes 3.5 now! It is what it is, and I just try not to let comparision affect my own relationship with her if that makes sense. But it can be hard when all you hear is 'Not you, go away mummy, i want daddy!' 🤣 Good luck!

mindutopia · 15/10/2024 16:42

I’d actually try to flip it around. For 22 months, she hasn’t really needed him as much. He’s away working 8 hours a day and gets sidelined while you get to spend all day with her. When he’s home, he’s making up for lost time, especially from the very early days when you likely did absolutely everything. What I would do though is make sure he’s also doing his fair share around the house. When he is doing nice things with your dd, take time for yourself. Don’t spend it all tidying up. Go meet friends. Have a nap. Go take a class or go for a run.

User37482 · 15/10/2024 17:57

Oh I’m definitely the third wheel, it doesn’t bother me anymore, I can hide with a cup of tea. She doesn’t see him as much so she gets excited to see him and he’s got time for the fun stuff. If you were the one she saw less it would be you she was running to see in the evenings.

Don’t feel bad about it, be happy that she has such a great relationship with her dad (thats how I frame it).

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SouthLondonMum22 · 15/10/2024 18:22

Enjoy the time to yourself! As pp said, don’t spend all of it doing housework.

It sounds like it’s balancing out a bit more now. It’s very possible DH felt how you feel now when she was younger.

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