How to deal with child's "naughty" friend

[fingerscrossed2021x]

My 3yo DD (very nearly 4) has started at the nursery of our local school in September this year. Since starting we have been on holiday for two weeks so she's only done 3 full weeks so far.

We've noticed that our child's behaviour has slightly changed, a bit more shouty/bossy and unkind. We put this down to a change in routine and being tired from longer days at school however yesterday I attended a nursery birthday party with DD and witnessed her playing with her new friend who she has spoken a lot about at home and I am not keen on the behaviour of said friend and the things I witnessed. I spoke to my husband when I returned home in passing and said it might be something to keep an eye on.

When collecting DD from nursery the teacher pulled me aside to inform me of an incident which DD and this friend had been involved in today which is out of character for my child. Teacher said it had been dealt with but wanted to inform me. When I have spoken with DD on the way home as I expected, this other child had told her to do what had been done and DD said she didn't know it would cause the effect that it did which I really do believe.

I have spoken with her in length about understanding right from wrong and she was repeating "X told me to do it", we have spoken about this and she does understand what she did was wrong and has said if she saw it happening again she would tell the teacher and tell the child it was wrong.

I don't know how to deal with it really. I want my DD to stay away from this child as I do feel genuinely concerned that she is copying behaviours she is seeing and I could see from the party yesterday that this was negatively effecting her however I recognise that's unreasonable as they are in a class together and from what I hear play together a lot but I don't want DD to be associated with this type of behaviour in school.

Can you speak to the school? Say this child is having a bad influence on your child, and ask them to encourage dc to play with other children, be put in different groups etc.

Keep talking to your child about choosing the right behaviour, and teacher her about good friendships so she can consider for herself if this other child is being a good friend to her.

Unfortunately for you, there’s something about this other child that your child likes and enjoys, so you need to be careful not to blame them for everything. Make sure your dd knows that she is responsible for her own actions, even if someone else tells her to do something.

Tell the nursery. Say that you already had misgivings about the influence and their feedback from yesterday confirmed it as an issue.

Ask if as much as possible they can direct your child to another friendship . This could be done with legitimate measures like pairing them up to do tasks/ jigsaws etc together.

Just speak to the school. “Could you encourage Susan to make friends with some of the other children as she and Jane do not seem to be bringing the best out in each other at the moment.”

I think you have handled it well. Well done. Keep communicating your values to your DD like you are rather than ban her from any 'naughty' children in her class .... thats my opinion anyway.

Good job muma! :)

I would speak to the school and if there aren't two classes so they can be separated consider moving her. It's awful one child can have such an effect on another but it seems to happen a lot.

Speak to the school about helping your DD to make other friends and as @SometimesCalmPerson says, don’t put the blame completely at the door of the other child- often our children can do things that surprise us. Just keep reminding her of the good behaviour you want her to show.