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Parenting

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Shared parenting order

6 replies

wanderlustwherever · 14/10/2024 15:01

Splitting up from partner, he wants me to draft a shared parenting order this week where we both set terms and agree. One of his is no step parent for our daughter until a certain age. At the moment she’s so young he acknowledges that she needs me at nights and most of the time (he also works so much at the moment anyway) but my concern is that in the future when she’s older he will use it to make my life difficult, because he can be really nasty and vengeful when he wishes . Ie, no trips abroad without his consent allowing him to say no to every time I want to take daughter on holiday, things like that.

I have real concerns about his parenting. Daughter found a few times sitting on top of our 16 steep stairs with stair gate open and partner elsewhere in the house when he was watching her. Hates those safety covers because it annoys him having to pull them into when he wants to plug something in. Could not figure out the car seat so took her out at one week old in an undone car seat, terrible diet of treats given to toddler when he has his way full of bars and sweets and fruit and not much else, barely knows how to work a cooker. It sends my cortisol levels through the roof imagining her with him for a few nights in a few years, living off of pizza, ice cream and non stop tv. And him saying he wants to take her abroad or he will say no to my requests, when I think he is so neglectful. Sorry for the tangent 😞

OP posts:
wanderlustwherever · 14/10/2024 15:03

I meant to write hates those safety plug covers!

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 14/10/2024 15:05

He can't dictate your relationships!

However... if you mean those things that plug in, they are actually more dangerous as they override the inbuilt safety mechanism of a British plug.

Stairs would be worrying. That could be nasty.

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 14/10/2024 15:28

His idea of a shared parenting order sounds awful

Just don't do it. It's a trap.

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MrsSunshine2b · 14/10/2024 15:50

I wouldn't agree to any of these terms. Work out what you think is reasonable and then take it to mediation and through court.

Re going abroad, if you get a C/O saying she lives with you, you don't need his permission to go abroad for less than 28 days, so I'd push for that. Otherwise you will need an emergency C/O every time he refuses permission for you to go abroad. The presumption is usually that children benefit from holidays with both parents so you will probably not be able to stop him taking her abroad.

Re step-parents, that's a silly thing to try to demand, no judge will agree to enforce that.

The safety concerns are going to be very hard for you to force, and courts don't seem to care about stuff like that and see you as being aggressive if you bring them up. Some people think stairgates are more dangerous as they can be climbed over. Plug covers are generally regarded as unsafe now and have a higher risk of electrocution than no plug covers. Car seat is imo shocking but impossible to prove. Diet is seen as parental choice.

Do you think he will really push for 50/50 or is he just saying that to wind you up?

wanderlustwherever · 14/10/2024 18:05

Thank you for your responses, I really appreciate the three of you taking the time to reply

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Wishitsnows · 14/10/2024 18:09

No, absolutely do not sign anything like that. Sounds like he is trying to control your future. It maybe better to go through mediation so an independent party can point out when he is being unreasonable. Good luck

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