Glad you had a second baby?

[Dntknw]

hi all,
I have a 20 month old daughter and I can’t stop thinking about having a second baby. But if I’m honest with myself I’m already struggling to cope. Because of me and my husbands age if we want another it would have to be very soon (next year really). I don’t want my daughter to be an only child and I think our family would feel complete as a 4. We both talk about a second baby often. But I’m scared. In hindsight I think I had PND and suffered so much from the sleep deprivation last year. Thankfully my little one sleeps through pretty much all the time now. But I don’t know if I could cope with that first year all over again, and with a toddler too. I feel so torn. Like I will regret for the rest of my life if I don’t have a second. Do I bite the bullet and accept it may be hell for the first couple of years but it will be worth it. Or crack on as a family as 3. Did anyone feel like this and is now the other side of their decision?

I would say go for it. We are older parents with one child.
We definitely do not want more children. Our family is completed. We’ve talked about it & it’s no every time.

So, I think your conversation at home is very much leading to a second child. A sibling for your little one. It will be hard, of course, but it seems like the right thing for your family.

My firstborn and second born have the loveliest relationship, they are completely besotted with one another - she always smiles or laughs her head off when she sees him, it's so cute! Currently she's 7m and he's 4. It is absolutely the perfect age gap - I think between 3-4 years is ideal. But I had DS at 24 so had a lot of time to space things out... I think 2 years can be a challenging age gap, but you'll be past that and almost in the sweet spot anyway!
Long story short: yes!

Thank you both for responding. Reading it made me realise how badly I do want a second child. Big grin on my face to u saying to just go for it lol I’m just genuinely frightened of the newborn stage again. Colicky nights, sleep deprivation etc. I know it doesn’t last long but I found it intense and I became so short tempered and anxious. I was shocked by how hard it was. I’m amazed at parents of big families. We’ve agreed we will decide either way at Christmas and take it from there 🙏

Going from 1 to 2 was honestly a breeze compared to going to 0-1 for me personally.
I am so glad we had a 2nd, my 2 are little best friends (most of the time!).

We have a ds5 and almost 2yo dd.

Early months of dd2 were tough and it took a month or two for ds to adjust. But I coped much better with the sleep deprivation second time around. Plus she slept better as I knew what I was doing more with naps, feeding - everything really.
And now cannot imagine our lives without her. She’s the cherry on top. Ds adores her. Seeing their bond develop is one of the deepest joys of my life.

Yes I did and now I'm expecting the arrival of my third any day now! I absolutely hate pregnancy as I always get severely sick for most of it, I've had two awful birthing experiences, and I'm not a massive fan of newborns/the first year. It's mostly just a means to an end for me which is older, lovely kids that have an incredible bond/shared experience.

#2 was easier in many ways though, partly because I knew what I was doing more (had no significant experience of babies prior to #1 so pretty much everything was new then), partly because #2 was a much 'easier' newborn, breastfeeding went much easier/better with them, and partly because I genuinely benefited a lot of the time from having my eldest with me for company! It kept me sane having someone to talk to even though they were a 3 year old!

My two are 6 and 3 three now and they have always adored each other, although they do obviously fight sometimes now too. I'm not looking forward to going back to newborn nights and nappies again etc this time either but I know it's a short time in the grand scheme of things.

We definitely won't be having anymore after #3 for loads of 'practical' reasons though.

Def agree it is much harder from 0 to 1 than from 1 to 2, you get to enjoy your baby more because you are not shocked and stressed as a FTM, it is a lot of work but the love just doubles and seeing them laugh and play together, how much they love each other is the most rewarding and beautiful feeling. My older son haven’t slept through the night for the first 2 years, little one is currently through his first year of not sleeping as well lol (both breastfed at night so probably the reason why) and I am still considering having 3rd😍

Can you freeze your eggs and then wait? I feel that being in a good place is so important when having a baby, so much can tip us over the edge.

I read that it takes 3 years to regain the minerals and vitamins that women had pre pregnancy. Mineral depletion is a real thing and can trigger PND. If you can wait, I would.

Go for it if you definitely want a second. Going from 1 to 2 is definitely easier than 0 to 1, and I was just generally more chilled about everything with my second and trusted my own judgment a lot more

Overwhelmingly yes, but there were moments I deeply regretted it. I'll say it straight up, I found having 2 so much harder than having 1.

To start with, I had incredible baby rabies. All I could think about was having a baby. It dominated my life for a few months, so much so we started TTC earlier than I had wanted (I wanted a minimum of 2.5 years).

Pregnancy was much harder than with my first, then during induced labour I needed a C-section, but I was still happy with my choice. The first 6 or so weeks were actually kind of nice. Then he turned into a refluxy velcro baby who woke up every hour on the hour and ruined my life. Yes, I had PND. I hadn't particularly enjoyed the baby stage with my first, especially 6 - 12 months, but my second took everything I disliked and turned it up to 11. I would have cheerfully given him away if someone had offered, and at times I deeply hated him.

As with my first, he got much better once he could walk, as sleeping through the night happened at the same time. He took his sweet time in doing so, despite seeming desperate and finally did so at 17.5 months. But since then he's been pretty amazing. He's very different personality wise to his big sister. He's stubborn, contrary, and tantrums at even the slightest injustice. But equally he's caring and adorable, and watching him learn and explore the world is wonderful. I love him to pieces, and my existence is all the better for him being in it.

But in no way in hell would I voluntarily go through it again. Originally I wanted three, but I am two and so very done.

I’m very glad that we had a second. And it was a completely different experience in that dc2 was a very easy baby from the start, unlike dc1. I appreciate that I was lucky there.
They now have a great relationship too. Zero regrets

My two are currently age 3 and 7 months.

It is chaos, and the feeling of being torn between them if they're both upset is HARD.

I'd agree a slightly bigger age gap seems a bit easier - even 3/3.5 years rather than 2/2.5.

But I'm already starting to see their little relationship develop - baby absolutely adores their sibling and can't take their eyes off them.

I think it will get massively easier when baby can sit up, and start to "play" in games etc, and that's when the smaller age gap might pay off more.

Hardest thing I've ever done, but 100% worth it, I'd do it again xx

So glad but I have 5 and don't regret any of them. But honestly I needed a gap between having kids. I had twins the first time and people started wondering if I was going to have more when they were only 5 months!! I didn't have my 3rd till about 3 and a half years later and this was the perfect gap for me. Ended up doing about that amount for my other children too. If they'd been closer in age, it would have been much trickier.

Absolutely glad and my second was so much easier than my first. But realistically, I wouldn’t have wanted to do it at 20 months. There’s 5 years exactly between mine and that worked really well for lots of personal and financial reasons. Unless you’re, say, 45, you still have time and a year or two will make a big difference in terms of how you feel.

Hi I have a 1 year old and 3 year old and they are 25 months apart. I have to say your first experience does not dictate your second. I had a very easy firstborn and the second shocked me a lot! She didn’t sleep much and cried more and it was a challenge- yet even so I felt I handled it much better because my instincts are stronger and the belief that everything is a phase was even more present in my mind.
i actually think having our age gap is quite a blessing because in a way I was never out of the baby phase and so it was easy to just slip baby in. Whereas my friends who have a bigger gap find it hard to adjust themselves again eg. They had got used to going to theatre and nights out again.

of course there are pros to having one child but honestly having had the second the so called challenges don’t feel that big compared to the benefits- especially watching my older one blossom and really rise to being the older sibling.

good luck!

Thank u for this. I really appreciate your honesty. If I could predict how it would be for me I think I’ll have a similar experience. I just have to get through that newborn stage. If it’s like I expect it really will be the hardest thing I’ll do, moments of regret and physical exhaustion. But I foresee a future where it’s all worth it 🙏