Making friends as a mum

[Erlouise]

Hi ladies

wasn’t sure whether to post here or relationships. But how do people make friends as a mum?

I lost a lot of my friends when I became a single mum which was shortly after DD was born, as they were mostly couple friends (as me and DDs father was together from very young).

I have a few friends but they’re not the type of people who go out with me. Most of the time I see them for an hour once every couple of months and that’s more for the kids sake than anything.

I want to make new friends but I have no idea how to do that. I’ve joined baby clubs but I’ve found that people do judge me for being young (25). The mums are much older and not overly interested in befriending me. Most are clicky too and I’ve found it hard to integrate.

work is not really an option I’ve been at my company since I was 17 and most of the people there are pretty senior and close to retirement ages. Lovely people day to day but not exactly the people I’d be asking out for dinner and drinks on the nights I don’t have DD.

I’ve tried the peanut app but that just doesn’t really go anywhere. I’m really at a loss and I feel pretty lonely at the moment.

how does anyone get to make new friends as they get older and especially as a mum?

tia xx

I am really sorry you are feeling lonely, I have been there. Are there any sure start type places near you? As they might have group younger mums go to (only basing this on my experience). I also really liked church hall type playgroups as they often have volunteers who chat to you (which is nice in the interim). I have two friends who met on mumsnet, so the local boards might be worth a visit.

Is there any play groups near you? X

Do you have any children's centres near you? The one near me runs a playgroup specifically for younger mums.

There an app for this frolo (single parents) not something I would use myself so no direct experience just heard of it

You’ve said twice you want people ‘to go out with me’ and that you want friends ‘to ask out for dinner and drinks the nights I don’t have DD’. Two issues there.

Firstly, it’s going to take some time for any new acquaintances you make via any means, baby groups, work or whatever, to get to the ‘going out for dinner and drinks with’ stage — people are going to start small at first with low-investment coffees with someone they hardly know. You need to invest time in a number of new acquaintances you like in order for some of those to eventually, possibly, turn into friends, and start small.

And secondly, especially when you have small children, nighttime childcare isn’t easy to find, and is expensive, unless you’re lucky enough to have local family who will help. You have nights off from DD — though I was married when I had DS, DH worked away a lot, and I didn’t have any nighttime childcare. Bluntly, I would have had to know someone really well and like them, and know there was the prospect of a good evening, to recruit a babysitter, get DS used to them, and pay them. Not something I’d do with a very new acquaintance,

TL;DR, absolutely it’s possible to make friends at any stage in your life, but you’ll have to be patient.

Good point about babysitters if you are in your 20s and you want going out friends then maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Maybe not specifically mum friends bumble BFF?

Sorry you're having this experience. I think the great thing about being different ie a young mum, is when you find another you'll immediately have something in common. Plus many mums are 30 which isn't that different.

I think just go out to different babygroups and walk round your local park. Be chatty and don't assume older mums won't talk to you. And in time you'll make friends.