What do you do all day with your 3 - 4yo?

[beansmum]

I don't think I have been making enough effort to keep ds (3.10) occupied. He spends a lot of time playing by himself and recently has been watching a DVD a couple of afternoons a week.

We have one day out a week, to somewhere like the museum, art gallery or zoo, usually with a couple of coffee stops and some errands. I run a toddler group 2 morings a week, a creche for a church course one afternoon, and we have church on sunday morning but other than that we are at home a lot. We walk the dog for an hour or so, we eat lunch and the rest of the time ds plays by himself or helps me with cleaning or cooking. In the evening he sometimes (usually if I am honest) watches a DVD before his bath. While he is entertaining himself I'm not even doing anything really, just pottering around, listening to the radio, reading, playing on the computer etc.

Am I neglecting him? What do you do all day? How much time does your dc spend playing alone?

My dd (3.5) has nursery in the pm so our day is in 4 parts: morning, nursery, pre-tea, post-tea. This is what we do:

Morning - play-dates with school or other friends/playgroup one morning a week/park/shopping or other chores

Nursery

Pre-tea - play-dates/park if the weather's nice/playing in her bedroom by herself or sometimes painting or play-doh etc

Post-tea: DVD or Cbeebies.

I'd like her to play by herself a bit more tbh. I'm forever encouraging her to go up to her room.

Sounds like you maybe could arrange a few things with one or two other friends. But if he's happy by himself and quite social with other kids and not hankering for attention I wouldn't worry. When he starts nursery or school, it'll all change.

So it does seem like he plays too much by himself? I feel terrible now! He is really sociable and friendly, and has a lot of friends. It's just a couple of hours a day that he spends playing alone. I don't think I would feel so bad if I was actually busy while he was entertaining himself, but I'm just being lazy and keeping out of his way!

Beansmum, don't worry your week sounds fine to me.

What does ds like playing that you could do together for a little while? Does he like books, for example?

Oh God no, not at all! If he's happy, that's ok surely? I just got the impression that it was just you and him a lot of the time. My dd is quite demanding of whoever she's with (me or friends) so I'm quite jealous of you..

We usually read a couple of books together straight after lunch and then I help him build a big train track, he then plays with that for ages alone. It's not that I'm refusing to play with him, I'm there if he wants me, he just doesn't seem to need my input. maybe I should do some more structured activities, games or art or something?

I think if he is playing by himself happily, there is no problem. He will be very good later on at concentrating, and finding things to do to stop himself being bored. So long as he is also having some time with other children, and some time doing things with you (which it sounds like he does), I can't see there is a problem.

Honestly, you're doing fine!

Yes, maybe every so often do something new or different, but he sounds happy from your description (btw my 4yr old ds is much better at playing alone for prolonged periods than dd ever was)

I think its great he can occupy/entertain himself. When I was a child I'd spend hours in my bedroom with my toys. Sounds like he gets to see loads of other children and the toddler groups and creche. If you feel that he is spending too much time on his own then invite some mates round but to be honest he sounds happy and content - enjoy! I WISH I had time to read!!

I just feel like sitting and reading the paper is not brilliant parenting and I should be DOING something. At the moment ds is sitting quietly listening to peter and the wolf with the dog! Surely I should be doing more work than this!

Personally I think it is really good for him to have the chance to play on his own, in his own way, without being constantly chivvied into doing improving activities. Keep it up, I say.

Now I'm SO jealous. Can we swap?

my son is 3 and he goes to nursery 5 afternoons so mornings are pretty quiet he likes to play on his own so i do some jobs while he happy giving me 2hrs in the afternoon to myself and i do not feel guilty i have three kids and i need my time he is happy i am happy thats all that matters

Beansmum. He sounds like a very content little boy. Don't worry.

Riven. I admire you hugely.

ok, I'm over my guilt now. I will just let him get on with it as long as he is happy. I suppose now the weather is getting better we will be outside a lot more anyway and I wont have to worry about neglecting him.

I agree with just celebrating in your wee boy!! My ds is 3.6 and can't amuse himself at all. We go to playgroup 2ce a week, go out EVERY day to park, ducks, walk, bike ride, museum etc and then when home I read to him, build with him, play games with him, etc etc etc... I get housework done at night mostly as he literally wants attention from 6 in the morning until 7 at night. (I usually even do the after dinner entertainment as he won't leave me be until it is bedtime as that is when dh takes over to read to him for 20mins) I crave the days when he will be able to play by himself and let me have 5 or 10 minutes to myself. Your ds sounds blissful.

What you're doing sounds fine to me.
My ds1 is now 4.6, but things haven't changed in a loong while (he likes to know where he is!).
Week days are quite different to weekends.
On week days he has nursery in the morning. Once a week we go to a cafe / soft play place for two and a half to three hours straight after nursery. Once we either have someone around to play or go to someones or to the park to meet someone. If we're not meeting anyone we go to the playground for an hour at 3:30 ish. Ds1 and I'll muck about together first thing (today he was chasing me with a pretend spider for 10 minutes). After we get in from school he gets the telly and also after lunch while I clear up (so about an hour). We'll play together for about an hour after that (usually craft projects). After that he's on his own.
At the weekends on a Saturday morning he now does an hour and a half of stagecoach (starts at age 4) which breaks up the weekend a bit. On Sunday I let him watch Milkshake until it finishes (10 I think). I usually take the boys to the supermarket or something similar to break up the rest of the morning. In the afternoon I like going to the local coffee shop / book shop for one of the days. Ds1 gets a treat and the childrens section to rifle through and we get a bit of a relax. Otherwise we tend to stay in. Trips out'll happen on a Sunday every 3 months or so, but any more often I find exhausting.
When ds1 was smaller he was never happy at home so we did all the playgroups etc. But as he gets older he's getting much happier to stay in. I remember wanting to just stay in as a kid too, so am more than happy to oblige!

I think its fine. I'm similar with ds1.
He goes to nursery a couple of mornings a week, playgroup once a week, park, friends houses or softplay once or twice a week. Weekends are usually family and extended family time.
When we're at home, ds1 plays by himself a lot.

He'll also watch a dvd or tv for a couple of hrs - sometimes longer, sometimes not at all.
I do ensure that I read with him every day though.

I started to feel guilty too until I read an article about how we are stifling childrens creativity and imagination by organising every activity for them and they lose the ability to be able to entertain themselves.

Made sense to me!