Do you keep track of who's hosted for play dates?

[MonChoufleur123]

One of my kids has a friend who has been round to ours 4 - 5 times, he's been to their house once.
My other child has had a friend round three times, and never been invited round.
With other friends it seems to work out equal in terms of offering and hosting (both my kids are old enough to be dropped off I don't mean where the parent stays too).
I don't want to stop my kids of seeing these particular friends but it's starting to grate... Would you say something? or just stop offering?
(BTW this does not apply to my single mum friends, never expect quid pro quo so they can have time to themselves!).

Not everyone can/wants to host play dates and ‘single mum’ isn’t the only thing people have going on. Yes maybe they just don’t want to but it could be anything- house might be very small so not a lot of space for extra kids, maybe they’re struggling to keep up with the cleaning and embarrassed, they could have their hands full with younger siblings, perhaps they’re busy driving older ones to various activities, their partner could work nights, maybe the kids have to sit quietly in front of the TV for an hour whilst they finish up work etc. etc. Unless the child in question has loads of other friends over, and never your DS despite always accepting your invitations then I wouldn’t take it personally. If you’re happy to host then let your DC invite whoever they want so long as they play nicely together and don’t squabble!

No I didn't, I was pleased to have friends round for ds. If he went to their houses that was nice but one friend's mum had lots of kids plus a new baby and found it hard to host so he only went there a few times.

Not really. More that suddenly I'll realise, oh my child's been to theirs twice, they need to come to ours now! I guess I do subconsciously notice if my child hasn't been invited back after a few times but I am not that fussed about it really.

We have our DDs friend for a playdate and it is not reciprocated due to other issues at home. I have no issues with those arrangements as I completely understand the reasons why she can't host.

Yes I do - I always make sure I offer a play date back and offer to either pick up or drop back home.
If people don’t reciprocate at all I would stop offering to have the child over. Essentially after 3 play dates it is their turn.

No. I don't mind. Not all parents are up to playdates. It's fair enough.

I always offer back but I’m not too fussed if others don’t.

Single mums aren’t any different though

No, because realistically other people have different sorts of lives to me. Dh and I often have to work in the afternoons after the school run, which is fine with your own dc at home, but not possible while hosting a playdate. I also have cancer and things like hosting sleepovers is just out of reach at the moment because I need to get to bed and not be woken up. Whereas some friends parents don’t work and actually find it easier to have a playdate so they don’t have to entertain their dc all afternoon.

On the flip side, one of our dc also has friends who I wouldn’t be comfortable with her having a playdate because of SS involvement. So friend is invited to ours, but dd never invited to theirs (and I wouldn’t allow her to go even if she was).

I didn’t used to have anyone round as our house was being renovated for 3 years… I was embarrassed by it. Could be similar? Some people don’t like having people round as they have to tidy and clean and they might not have time and the parents might come into the house so it’s not just the kids. Lots of different reasons but I would be annoyed if it’s just because they don’t think to invite you back and are cheeky and using you for child care .

No.

If my child wanted someone round to play, and I could facilitate it, then the child was invited. None of my business whether the other family was able to facilitate it or not. My child is happy because they got to play with their friend. I am happy, because the dc are happy. What's not to like?

I'm not that fussed. Playdates at other people's houses mean having to drop off and pick up DD so it's easier to have it at ours. We don't hover though, we offer biscuits and drinks and get on with our stuff whilst they get on with theirs.

That never even crossed my mind. I host because I want my child to have fun.

Surely if you child wants the other child over to play you just ask them over?

I think it is I'm unfair to stop children's friendship development due to actions of other parents. That's more than micro managing. If you don't want them messing up your house then fine take them to the park but don't stop them meeting out of school. It's an important part of a child's development.

I would only notice if it was very lop sided. If the dc played nicely together and I liked the kid I wouldn’t mind. If the hosting of the two was a pain yes I would probably internally eye roll and think dark thoughts that the other family were getting an off Scot free.

No I don't keep track why would I - why does everything in life have to be tit for tat and transactional? Keeping score honestly!

I haven't hosted a playdate in years because DM is living with us, who needs a lot of care, and it's not nice for her or another 5yo quite frankly 😂

I do, however, explain this to other parents, and offer to pay for dominos for tea/bring a requested bottle of wine to pick up/for frequent play-daters, take to soft play or out for the day in holidays. Turns out pricey but not much else I can do (except be THAT parent until DS gets no more invites).