Feel such a bigger bond with my first

[hmily]

It hurts to say this, but I feel I'm so much closer to my first DS, than my second DS. I don't know if the the bond feels so much more because he's my first, or maybe because my second DS prefers my DH. Does any other mum feel closer to a certain child? It feels as if I'm trying so hard to be close to DS2. Obviously I love them both equally.

How old are your sons?

I feel a very strong connection with my first born and I think it's because it feels as though we went through all the firsts together and he taught me how to be a mum (if that makes sense). Having said that I love both my DC's more than anything in the whole world.

I was going to ask the same thing as @WimpoleHat, how old ?

thats important because love grows, my love and bond for my 3 year old has grown and grown, we are super close and I have a 5 month old now and I know my love will continue to grow as she gets older, sometimes it just comes with time

honestly, under the cloak of anonymity yes

I don’t think I ever ‘properly’ bonded with my first DC. I really wish I knew quite why. He was loved, wanted, he actually saved me from a horrible situation and I frequently remind myself guilt-laden of the life I’d still be stuck in if it wasn’t for him. And yet I do lack the bond I have with my second. Horrible.

They are 1 and 3. It's true that you love them more each day, hopefully that's what it is.

If you think about it, life with a 3 year old can be tough, but you know them, they can talk, they make you laugh, you discuss things, they are a dominant presence in your life, they have grown with you, they don’t depend so heavily on you, the balance between constant dependance and a glimmer of self sufficient ness is there, often they are past all the big hurdles, teething etc and then you have a 1 year old, who is in the thick of it all, can’t communicate well, stil very much dependant, still quite a lot of work to get out the house, your 1 and your 3 year old are very different. Your bond with your 3 year old is deeper, it’s grown with communication and individualism, and you haven’t experienced that yet with your 1 year old. As said, I have a 3 year old and 5 month old and I don’t enjoy the baby bit, it’s passing me by to be honest because I just want to know this little person, I want their presence and to bond with their little ways and quirks and I won’t see that for a while.

I hope that makes sense ? I think the bond will come and I think it would be odd to have the same depth of bond with your 1 year old as your 3 year old because realistically how could that be ? You love them for sure, but the love grows and the bond deepens.

They are 1 and 3

This is key. Think about it - you’ve known your older child for a heck of a lot longer; for a much bigger proportion of his life. And he’s at the interesting stage now - he’s chatty, exploring etc. Whereas the baby is - well - still a baby. So it’s natural to feel like this at this stage. But when the little one grows up, he’ll stop being a baby and will be his own little person, who’ll you get to know and develop a separate bond with him. It will be different - they are different boys. But I bet it will be just as strong.