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Toilet training- reassurance

4 replies

tiredoftoilettraining · 11/10/2024 16:31

Son has recently turned 3 and we're on our 3rd attempt at potty training. 1st attempt before 2 and a half was too early for him and quickly abandoned. Second attempt a few months later was initiated by him so gave it a bash. Wasn't ready so left it another while. Had some time off work so thought we'd try again.

He's very fluent, talking in complex sentences and says all the right things about toilet training. He willingly sits on the potty and knows what he's supposed to do, but just can't do it. He just holds his pee for hours. 18 hours is the record. Then he'll wet himself. On the 3rd day of this same pattern I've just given up. It seems so unhealthy to be holding for so long (and poos he holds for days) and, even if he's happy and willing to begin with, after a few days he starts to get stressed by it all. He can't tell me when he needs to pee so I prompt him because I know when he's likely to need but he'll hold and hold. It's unbelievable how long he can do this for. He shows no signs of needing to pee whatsoever, he just does it out of the blue. The only pee he'll reliably do on the potty is first thing in the morning because he cannot hold any longer.

I'm just looking for reassurance from others who've left their child to decide for themselves when they want to use the potty/toilet (we do have a set of steps and seat for toilet but he's not interested for now, only sits on the potty). I feel like that might be the right approach for my child, to just leave him in peace in his pull ups and let him say when he's ready. I think the pressure is too much for a little boy who seems ready but simply can't do it yet.

Has anyone else done this? Would encouraging him to do his first pee of the day in the potty be worthwhile or confusing? I was thinking that might keep him in the way of it and he can keep getting a sticker each time, rather than stopping it altogether. Then pull up for the rest of the day and give him some space about it all.

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UnravellingTheWorld · 11/10/2024 16:52

Sounds like he knows what he needs to do but has a mental block when it comes down to it. As a stepping stone, would he release if you put a nappy on the potty? So he has the familiarity there, but is still progressing to the new goal of no nappy.

Wetting himself is part of the process, but you're right that it's not good for him to hold it for hours and hours.

tiredoftoilettraining · 11/10/2024 17:22

UnravellingTheWorld · 11/10/2024 16:52

Sounds like he knows what he needs to do but has a mental block when it comes down to it. As a stepping stone, would he release if you put a nappy on the potty? So he has the familiarity there, but is still progressing to the new goal of no nappy.

Wetting himself is part of the process, but you're right that it's not good for him to hold it for hours and hours.

Tried lining the potty with a nappy. He just took it off and said it shouldn't go there. I agree that accidents are to be expected but he's not even saying when he needs to go or showing any signs of needing I.e., tugging himself. He just holds for hours, goes on and off the potty doing nothing, then finally wets himself.

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ChocHotolate · 11/10/2024 17:45

I'm guess you've tried bribery? Choc button for a wee in the potty type thing?

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tiredoftoilettraining · 11/10/2024 18:03

ChocHotolate · 11/10/2024 17:45

I'm guess you've tried bribery? Choc button for a wee in the potty type thing?

Yes, he's very pleased to get a chocolate button afterwards but it doesn't incentivise it for him. He talks about it "when I do my pee in the potty I'll get a chocolate button!" Very excited. I suppose I mean it does incentivise it for him but then he simply can't control it. He just sits and can't let go. Then eventually he pees but makes no effort to get to the potty in time.

I'm genuinely starting to think his language makes him seem ready but he's developmentally not ready yet. Either way, it's not working for him and I think he maybe needs to just come round to it in his own time.

I hope other people have gone through similar and it's been alright. He's only just turned 3.

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