Competitive siblings, what do I do?!

[PartyOFive]

My eldest children, 12 and 10, are so competitive, in general but especially with each other. Not in a way that feels healthy/going to spur them on to achieving stuff type of competitive.

We can't play family board games or card games without tears or fighting. The eldest in particular dislikes being beaten I think he feels it has upset the natural order of things if he's not best cos he's been used to being fastest, strongest etc. it makes him awful to play with but also means he gets really frustrated and upset about things like his younger brother doing better in a music exam or getting further in a video game.

I am very conflict avoidant and tend to avoid competition because I dislike external pressure, dislike failure, dislike the sense of being in conflict even in a game. So I recognise I'm maybe not best places to handle this...but how can i help them deal better with competitons, and have a more normal/healthy reaction to losing?

Bumping this up cos I'd genuinely like to hear if anyone has advice or solidarity, are we the only family where games inevitably end in tears?

So my kids were very argumentative around that age. First off I stopped playing competitive games and bought a load of good co-op board games. There's plenty! Same with Xbox games, encourage coop.
Second, this was the time that basically the eldest started changing and pulling away from playing and hanging out with the younger. The arguments were basically the younger feeling left out and then needling the older. So I stepped in and did more with my younger to kind of distract him.
Third .. ride it out. They do pass through it !

I was like this with my sister who was 2 years younger. I remember we both used to do the same horse riding lesson on a weekend and one week the pony she was given was bigger than mine and I was SO upset because I was older!

It passed though - can you play more games where they are on a team together? Against you and DH?

Thanks all - we have a few collaborative games which do fare better, though eldest still gets very annoyed and controlling about getting us all to win as fast as possible. I'll look into a few more for Christmas, as it does at least avoid tears

I guess I'm worried it's not so much a phase as an underlying thing, especially for eldest, id like to help him take a more healthy attitude to competing and failing

We are a competitive household when it comes to board games. Often tears or shouting. We now ignore and carry on. If the person stropping doesn’t want to play the next game they can sit out or go up to their room but we are trying to not let it spoil things. It was spoiling things and often isn’t a pleasent experience but hoping if we carry on riding out the crapness they will realise it achieves nothing and the rest of us will be enjoying ourselves…. The worst is when it calms and then the winning child is all in their smugness and starts things up again 🙈