Is it normal to find it so hard?

[Yesgojess]

I’ve got a 3yo DS and an 18 month old DD. I work 3 days and am very much the default parent as DH works 12+ hours Monday to Friday. He tends to get back for bath and bedtime 4 days of the week and is hands on when he is here. But the rest of the time is just feeling so overwhelming. I adore my children but I’m finding every second so draining. DS is very curious and asks constant questions, DD is very clingy and follows me around and still wants to bf a lot.
i know my DH needs to help out more and we are working on how he could change jobs to enable that. I know I could enlist some extra help and I’m working on that too. But to some extent I just feel completely burnt out and feel like I just need a week off from it all.
Does anyone have any tips on how to manage everything? I’ve thought about giving up work but even if I did, I just keep feeling like it shouldn’t be this hard all of the time. I knew having 2 under 2 would be a juggle but I thought it would eventually get easier.
thanks for reading.
forgot to add kids are in nursery 2 days, soon to be 3. We had a nanny who kept flaking on us which sent my stress levels through the roof and I can’t seem to bring them back down again. I’ve been signed off work for a few weeks but that’s only 2 days actually “off” and still everything to do at home.

You’ve got two very small children, you work and you are also the main parent. Yes I expect it is bloody hard.

In the short term, if you’ve the means, outsource what you can- cleaning, laundry, whatever. Book a temp nanny. Most are professional and not flaky so I’m sorry you had a bad experience. A agency will cost you but they will weed out the good ones. I’m a nanny for a mum with twins moment who was in a similar situation to you- I like cooking, so while they nap, I batch cook.

Then maybe you can breathe and regroup a bit and think of some more long term solutions (which your DH will absolutely need to be on board with to lessen the load on you. Physically, mentally and emotionally it’s not fair on you)

Yes, having 2 under 2 is extremely difficult. I feel for you, I had this too. Then I had three and under. That was when all hell broke loose.

I used to take them out as often as I could, even in winter otherwise my stress levels would be through the roof. The swings once a day, other parks / swings around the city, National trusts to run around in, library events, stay and play sessions in the local villages, Tumble Tots type groups. Basically anything physical that allows them to use their energy, so that you come home and they were calmer, and I would feel less sad for them taking a TV break. The housework suffered, it was never the priority - so something had to give.

The only thing I can suggest is being able to ask for help when things get tough - maybe DH doesn’t mind loading and unloading a dishwasher for instance. Or if you have other support that can help run a hoover around the house? Like I said, at this age, something has to give and I had to assess what the priorities were and this allowed me to feel less pressure to be perfect and try and enjoy the moments I had.

on the other hand my Sister, who was very resourceful, asked my Mum to live with her and help. That worked well for their family.

hope this helped.

Yes. It’s normal
I have a 20m gap youngest is 7m

I basically insisted things changed (both with regards to my DH and towards myself) at about 3m post partum

I dropped some standards on select things that don’t really matter. Bedding is no longer ironed etc

I now put certain “me” things first. Consistently. With no excuses. and just ignore or sort out whatever fall out there is later.nothing cataclysmic has happened to date.

I’m on mat leave with youngest still and go to the gym 3x pw non negotiable

I book the latest classes I can but if that means DH has to do bedtime alone so be it. His problem not mine to solve

ive also said fuck it re: trying to control the food bill I buy healthy ready meals for the weekdays

I put the baby in with our CM when I have appointments and put in an extra hour so I am not frantic and rushed for the sake of a tenner.

i am much happier as a result.

its fucking hard and I am so appreciative I can “buy” myself out of some of it.

I remember this time - I had 2 under 5 and worked full time and it was so hard. It gets better...

I have 1 nearly 4 year old boy and I'm honestly exhausted too so don't know how you manage with 2. It's so hard

You're in a really difficult stage of parenting OP. It will get easier!

Unfortunately yes. There are similar threads on here regularly.

I had similar in DH hours, ages of kids etc. zero support from anyone else.
I got through it barely. Clinging on to my sanity by my fingernails. Not even one day at a time... More like one hour, or minute at a time.
However, I showed up consistently and really parented my socks off... Result is two ace kids I have a great bond with, love spending time with... Worth the investment, but I wouldn't go back to those days for anything.

The improvements were slow and my sanity did slowly come back... But it was close.

thanks everyone for your replies.

@WomenInConstruction were you working, too? I’m trying to parent my socks off but am finding myself becoming irritable and snappy when I’m overwhelmed - which is frequent at the moment and is making me feel even more down…