Really struggling with 2 year old

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi everyone, I have a 2.5 yr old son who I am seriously struggling with atm.

I’m a young ish single mum, at uni full time but all my seminars/lectures are condensed so I only attend 2 days and am with him the other 5. Before that, he was in childcare 4 days a week when I was working but since starting uni I actually spend way more time with him and (regrettably) wish I didn’t at times because he is such hard work.

EVERYTHING is a fight. He will kick off over something so small, it’s impossible for me to foresee it. I feel like it’s getting worse and worse. He has tantrums everyday, often multiple times a day. I’m not sure if this is normal, I don’t have many mum friends and the ones I do, their child seems to calm down within a couple minutes but mine will go on and on for 10-15 minutes sometimes.

When it’s bad I have these thoughts of just packing my stuff and walking out the house 😂😂 ofc I would never do that, but that’s where my mind goes to. I find it hard because I don’t know how to help him calm down. When he was younger a cuddle and boob always settled him, but now it seems like nothing I do works and I have to just wait for him to stop. Then I feel like an awful mum, because surely I should be able to help him regulate his emotions? But for some reason he doesn’t want me to, he even gets angry if I try to cuddle him so I sit close by and wait… often he’ll tell me to leave the room and ‘shut the door’ on my way out.

I’ve read a bit about tantrums, and i understand they are developmentally normal, I just wish I could do something to prevent them or help him when he’s going through it. A lot of them start because I have set a boundary that he doesn’t like, like today for instance it was the hotel card. We are on holiday atm and as leaving the room I put the key card in my pocket and he said ‘I want it.’ I told him ‘mummy’s going to hold on to it as I don’t want you to drop it as you’re walking, so it’s safer with me.’ I offerred for him to sit in the buggy where he could hold it, that way it would be safer but no, he wanted to walk and hold it. I realise now in hindsight it’s not that much of a big deal if i let him hold it, we have a spare one anyways. But for me it was the principle, I had set a boundary and I need to stick to it otherwise he won’t take my word seriously. Do I sound like a bad mother here( should I just let him do whatever he wants ( as long as he is safe) xxx

any advice is really appreciated as I am doubting myself and my parenting so much right now.

Yes it’s called the terrible twos, for a reason! It’s difficult being with a two year old, they are hard work. I used to try and get out every day with mine. We went to several different playgroups. This gave us both a break and I could make friends and chat with other mums.

The only other thing I can think of is to pick your battles. Mostly, you won’t win anyway against a determined two year old, so think twice before going into battle.

Didn’t want to read and run OP, but just to reassure you that this is all normal behaviour, or at least that was my experience.

And I remember one time giving my dad a lift home while my DH was at home with my two-year-old and I genuinely and honestly started planning some major getaway so that I didn’t actually have to go home.

It’s shit but it’s temporary. I’m sure someone will be along in a minute with some strategies but just to say that you’ve got this and you are perfectly normal

Thanks so much for the comments. Definitely feel like I lose every battle! Glad to know this is all normal though, thank you xx

Massive congratulations on going back to uni and working towards a career that will support you and your son.
Would some extra sessions in childcare give you a bit of a break and give him some structure? May be difficult money wise if you are in FT education but it would also give you time to do assignments and just breathe a bit.

Terrible 2s! It’s normal. They usually emerge from it when their speech and language evolves enough for them to express their wants and feelings. I think a combination of pick your battles and firm boundaries is best. In your key card example either let him have it from the start because as you say you have a spare or you don’t let him have it at all- the no you can’t have it, actually yes you can have it but only in the buggy and not whilst walking is quite confusing for a 2YO and is probably teaching him that boundaries can be flexed if he’s persistent enough. It’s tough though and no one gets it right all of the time. Also, distraction! Always have snacks and toys in your bag and if you get a sense he’s going to kick off then see if one can distract him. When you’re at home honestly I’d just ignore so long as he’s safe. Toddlers are weird and they seek negative attention just because it’s attention. Balance it out with lots of praise when he does do something nicely! And most importantly remember it passes.