4 year old cries to stay at school

[Becks2312]

My D.S is almost 4 (In 2 months) he's been attending nursery since he turned 3. For the first term we only sent him 3 hour days on the mornings. As of September he's been going full time and he absolutely loves it. Talks about school none stop and all his friends. He loves to learn and be around other children. I'm starting to feel very embarrassed and hurt as whenever I collect him from school he never wants to come home. He's layed out on the floor kicking saying it's not home time, come out in floods of tears many times. I dread the pick ups so much. I leave it as late as possible to collect him as I don't want all the other parents judging me wondering why my child doesn't want to come home. Do the teachers think I'm some sort of monster?!. We have a lovely relationship, he tells me everyday he loves me and cuddles me and follows me around everywhere, yet doesn't want to come home with me of an evening. He's the same with whoever collects him, although 90% of the time it is me. Does this get better and any advise on how to help is welcome.

How is he with transitions in general OP? If you are leaving a play centre or playground say,

It's a transition thing, not a you/ school thing

Find out what he likes playing with there and get some for home. I bought DD her own Polydrons as she loved them at school and couldn't wait to get home to them.

He struggles with new situations and environments. Leaving him at school used to be a nightmare but he gradually got better and now walks in fine most of the time. If I tried leaving him with a family member or friend that he isn't used to he wouldn't like that so I avoid it.

It won't last. These things never do.

Right so you need a transition activity and routine for when you pick him up. Take him a snack and a drink and sit on the playground bench and talk about his day, get him to tell you something that made him happy / sad / excited / what new thing did he learn, and then pivot the convo to home what you are going to eat / what is he looking forward to doing when he gets home. And do the same everyday (bring a umbrella and flask for you) and smooth out that time between school and home.

Mine loved school to the point of not wanting to come home. Once he read about boarding schools in stories he wanted to go! 😂

Honestly, all the other kids run out excited to see their parents. His teachers literally have to pick him up off the floor.

I remember mine at that age doing this. I had to carry him away over my shoulder while carrying his little brother in his car seat in the other arm.
But yes, its just a phase, a very memorable phase.

@Caele dare I ask how long the phase lasted for you 🤣🤣 glad I'm not alone thought

I remember being surprised one day that he had come away really easily but can't really remember when that was. When we got to the car he said something like "see mummy, I CAN do it nicely" 😂.
He must have not long turned 4 at that point.

I had a random day off for some reason and turned up at home time so that DS1 didn't have to go to the after school club. He was furious and asked me to leave. We live round the corner from the school, so I did! He was delighted to see me at his normal pick up time.

Could you check with the teacher if there's a routine before the end of the day? You could remind him in the morning of what's going to happen that means it's going to be home time, and talk him through it.

@Merrow we had parents evening the other day and we did discuss this. He very routine orientated and likes to know exactly what's going to happen. Hopefully he will become familiar with putting his coat and bag on and then mummy's coming to collect him.

Yes my then 3 year old used to get sooo moody when I picked her up from preschool and often tantrumed and I had to man handle her out in many occasion.

She's four now and the preschool she currently attends, the receptionist at the main school goes to collect the kids and bring them to parents... today it took too members of staff to carry her out, she was happy enough and not screaming but was dead weighting and not putting her feet on the floor because she was enjoying herself. Whilst not ideal behaviour, it's better that you know they're happy and settled there, rather then them being relieved to see you as though they've had a terrible time.

I once had an epic tantrum (aged 4 in Reception) when I spotted the PTA in school on a Saturday and I wasn’t in school. I adore my parents…so try to just enjoy the fact he loves school (albeit nursery).

It’s a transitions thing not a you thing.

childmind.org/article/how-can-we-help-kids-with-transitions/

That sounds like the nursery staff did you a favour @Caele and told DS they were sure he could do it nicely!

Op you could ask you staff to do something like that maybe? It might make the leaving procedure seem more part of the school activities and demands, rather than the end of it? If you find it too embarrassing you could slip in a face-saving porkie: “ of course 🙄, it’s exactly the same problem when we try to leave home in the morning. 🙊😬”

Ahaha! Mine did this too, same age. Mortifying! One teacher was great and was on it as soon as I rang the buzzer, taking kid aside with coat, bag, and distracting with plans for next day etc. It helped to nip it in the bud but it was so embarrassing.
It really didn't last though OP!

My daughter did this at nursery for a few months. I It felt awful at the time, but it did pass!

@crostini oh the dead weight thing is common with DS too. Both teacher carrying him out whilst he's kicking. Definitely glad he enjoys school though. I'd feel worse leaving him there all day if he went in kicking and screaming

Ah OK, it's a struggling with transitions thing most like then. As an PP said set up a routine for collection time, and remind him of it when dropping off and once it's established in his mind as being the routine things should settle.

I agree with establishing a pick up routine.
My DD did this for a while and one Saturday morning after she’d just started school she was crying saying she wanted to go to school. DH explained the teacher wouldn’t be there. ‘But I know what to do!’ she wailed!
Haha definitely didn’t last 😅