How to get them to independent play

[liillyb]

DS,5 has a million toys but is shit at independent playing as only child, had a lot of one to one time plus covid etc.
DH and I cannot get anything done at weekends without resorting to some kind of screen..which is I expect DS end game. How the f do you get them to independently play without constantly being asked to play with them? Awful mum guilt when we say no we have stuff to get done but we have zero down time (work,dog, a million things need fixing in our house).
He gets taken to football, lots of weekend activities and read to etc etc so not starved of attention.

Pockets of interaction can help. So join in with the play for a few mins and then say 'I'm going to unload the dishwasher, maybe you can carry on with our dinosaur park and I'll come back and see it when I'm done'. And then spend a couple of minutes playing with him after and then do it again.

Mine are both pretty good at independent play but it definitely goes far better if instead of saying 'no', you play even if just for a minute or two, and then go and do what you need.
DD1 often wants me to colour with her, so I'll sit and maybe spend 2 mins doing it, and by that time she's satisfied that I've helped and will continue solo for some time. I'll pop back from time to time and colour in a leaf or something!

DS,5 has a million toys

This is the problem

Drastically reduce the amount of toys. Get rid of loads. Too much choice is hard for children.
"The burden of choice."

He gets taken to football, lots of weekend activities

Maybe cut down on some of this and give some time over to playing with him instead? I know it’s hard and it feels like ‘wasted time’, but giving him 1:1 attention via play is probably what he is craving more than a big day out?

I'd even cut back the activities.
Really pare it back.

Can he bring the toys into the same room as you?

Cut down the activities.
One parent goes to activities, the other does jobs.
One parent plays, the other does jobs.
Join him in with short jobs.
Bring toys along to the jobs.

Less toys - children can't engage fully with what they're doing if there's a load of other equally good things around them.

If you have the space, set up a toy cupboard or something where they're put away and only have a box or two out. Then rotate the toys that are out every so often.

Yes to the pockets of activity too. Start a game then go off to do something else.

Let your kid be bored. When mine complained they were bored, I used to say 'well you're very smart/creative etc, I'm sure you can think of something', now they're a bit older I give them the option of finding something to do or helping me with a job - often they choose to help with a job and actually it's quite a nice way to spend time together. Basically trying to show them that screens aren't the answer to boredom finding something to do is - although I'm currently bored and scrolling MN.