How to have high expectations without creating a perfectionist?

[cinammonfishsticks]

I have a three year old who is sweet, empathetic, funny and characterful. I'm a teacher so really don't want to raise a child who runs amok and don't want to let less desirable behaviours slide by. But I've noticed recently he is scared of getting into trouble and I'm nervous that I'm creating a first born perfectionist who fears letting his parents down. He never wants mummy and daddy to be 'angry' at him 😢

I think where we perceive a difference, eg. ignoring instructions = not acceptable vs accidentally breaking something minor = accidents happen, he doesn't get this yet. Is this just an age thing? Have others had similar stages with their toddlers? Trying my best not to live up to the 'they fuck you up your mum and dad' poem?

I never hit, never raise my voice unless urgent, and never call dc names. Criticism is given to my kids exactly how I’d give it at work - constructively with a focus on improvement next time.

I like to think I'm similar - but he's showing signs of being afraid of making mistakes or getting into trouble. I wonder whether it's an age thing