Letting dd have a day off due to anxiety

[maybeamistake]

Dd started reception in September. She has ASD. At nursery she never had any separation anxiety whatsoever and wouldn’t acknowledge me saying goodbye or returning she was very much in her own world. Since starting reception it’s like she has very suddenly developed the realisation that she is left ? Which is good in a way as that’s normal development but just later as she has delays?

She wakes up each morning screaming now after having night terrors each night screaming about needing me. Each morning she’s begging to stay here and I’ve been taking her in but it’s awful. Today I’ve just cuddled her and said it’s ok it’s still the weekend so that she calms down as it’s making her so unwell. I’m worried I should have home educated her? We are waiting for a response from the LA about assessing for an EHCP.

I would keep her off today whilst you get a meeting in place with the teacher and Senco tomorrow to sort out some strategies. As mum of an asd dc, I agree with pp - no one else will prioritise her and her needs like you and it is hell when they get to burnout stage.

I’ve kept her off today and have emailed the SENCO. I’ve also made a Gp appt as she hasn’t been eating much at all and I just want her checked over

This is my concern I think she’s so close to burnout

Sounds like a good plan OP, hope all goes well and you manage to sort something that works for you and your DD; sounds like you're doing amazingly well balancing her needs with wanting what's best for her longer term.

I think this is actually quite normal for the transition to school and not really because she has ASD. I think as hard as it is for you, it’s easier on them in the long run to just get in the routine. My (NT) Y2 ds still cries many mornings about going to school, as do lots in his year. But you can’t just keep them home forever. With support, they do need to adjust to the new routine.

Thankyou. It’s just been such a shock after the 2 years of nursery being absolutely completely fine she never really spoke there but she never reacted in any way at all so it was all fine she didn’t even cry once she never even cried as a baby and now she’s really making up for it 😩

I would keep her off. My DS was really stressed and anxious going to school more or less until he hit 6th form and the disruptive kids were gone. It was just so much noise and disruption around him all day long. I kept him home often to make him feel like he had a bit of control too. I didn’t care about attendance, I canned about my child’s health. He had around 80% attendance a year until 6th form and obviously the school hated me. However, he left 6th form as their top student with A,A,A and is now at a RG university loving it and doing well! Don’t let the school bully you attendance!

I'm autistic but was only diagnosed in adulthood. I cried and screamed every day of nursery and half way through the first year of primary school when my mum left me. She never let me have the day off and was firm in making sure I still went every day even though I cried and screamed. She wasn't aware I was autistic then. I think you need to decide what to do for the best and stick with it, you know your daughter best :)

My son was like this when he first started nursery at school (ASD, was non-verbal and in pull ups at this stage). It took several months for him to settle and he only did half days. I think you should ask for a phased start for her timetable and build it up gradually. DD1 is also autistic and although I didn't know this when she started reception, I realised that she wasn't ready for full days yet as she is summer born, so school allowed her to go home at lunchtime and she built up by adding in one afternoon at a time so that by Christmas she was doing full days.

I think she needs time to be at home reduce her stress levels and to be able to eat and sleep again and then go back on a part time timetable and build it up. They said (and I agreed) she would be fine going full
time and I realise now it was a mistake

I agree she sounds like she needs to reach a better equilibrium first, but don't leave it too long before you try starting phasing back in because it can make it harder sometimes. DS always struggles with the transition back to school every term, but will adjust once he gets in a routine.

Also speak to the school about support and reasonable adjustments for her, do they have a quiet space she can go to for sensory breaks, is there someone she can go and sit with for a bit if the class gets too much, does she have ear defenders? DS has a quiet space outside the class and his TA will take him out for breaks if he is struggling. His primary school also have a sensory room now which is new this year. It is hard in reception as it is more free flowing and noisy.