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Parenting

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Co parenting with an abusive narcissist

11 replies

Questionqueen · 06/10/2024 16:47

Hi,
I have been advised by a support worker that I can offer supervised visits with my son and abusive ex who has previously been stopped from seeing our son. So he come to me after 2.5 months and asked to see my son in a play area for an hour where I can see.
It was games from the get go. He changed his friends name to a girls name and got his friend to send lots of messages when he was in there (weird and actually shown me he did that) this was to make me feel rubbish and then perk me back up by telling me it is lies (because he knows I still have feelings).
Anyway, he tortures me with things like the above and many other things. I was with him for two hours and he got inside me head again as usual making out to be this perfect dad. I don't really think he actually cares about our son as after not seeing him for 2.5 months and seeing him once he's not really jumping to arrange something else. I feel it is more about me.
He is grinding me down and getting in my head and he is almost making me weak. Making me question myself and if I am the abusive one and then blowing hot and cold. He is a master manipulator and he doesn't even have to try. The girls love him as he is a big muscly man and he uses this to his advantage. He rubs it in my face girls are flocking for him and he could get anyone at the clock of his fingers. It should not bother me but it does and that's how I feel.

I want to stop contact with him again not because he could get girls of course it is more how he tries and succeeds kind of!! To break me down. my life was amazing the 2.5 months without him - but now he is manipilating me and doesnt care he gets in my head gets me down and then have to raise our son. i need to be my best self again for my son - would u cut the supervised visita?

OP posts:
speedmop · 06/10/2024 16:52

You weren’t offered a contact centre?

Questionqueen · 06/10/2024 16:54

speedmop · 06/10/2024 16:52

You weren’t offered a contact centre?

So, nothing went to court. I have an ongoing case ATM with a DV agency. They're the ones who said to me it would still be a good idea to show I am not being disruptive to my son and his dad's relationship if I offered contact with me there to supervise as I am safeguarding my son still and if he took me to court it doesn't show I'm being bitter it shows I am genuinely wanting to safeguard my child. So I tried that but it is failing miserably

OP posts:
speedmop · 06/10/2024 16:59

Very very strange from the agency to suggest that you, the person again whom he has been abusive to, to be the “supervisor” of these visits

Questionqueen · 06/10/2024 17:00

speedmop · 06/10/2024 16:59

Very very strange from the agency to suggest that you, the person again whom he has been abusive to, to be the “supervisor” of these visits

Edited

Is it? I mean idk how it all works but I suppose it does sound a bit unusual... but still my question is am I right in cutting contact.

OP posts:
speedmop · 06/10/2024 17:01

Common sense if nothing else

But no OP… i find it very strange for a support worker to suggest the victim initiate and oversee contact without anyone else present

Korn4 · 06/10/2024 17:02

It's not usual behaviour from a DV agency to encourage you to speak to or be near your perpetrator. Agencies also don't really get involved in child contact arrangements.

speedmop · 06/10/2024 17:03

Korn4 · 06/10/2024 17:02

It's not usual behaviour from a DV agency to encourage you to speak to or be near your perpetrator. Agencies also don't really get involved in child contact arrangements.

exactly

Questionqueen · 06/10/2024 17:06

What do you suggest I do then? It was awful I took advice but now I'm worried I have been given incorrect info?

OP posts:
speedmop · 06/10/2024 17:08

I am not sufficiently clear on the situation to advise

i would seek legal advise

and this “agency” advising you to initiate and solo supervise intervention with your abusive ex… you have either misinterpreted the advice or, well, give them a wide berth

Korn4 · 06/10/2024 17:10

I'd find a new agency first off.
You can always instruct a solicitor yourself and apply for a child arrangements order, I wouldn't wait for him to.

speedmop · 07/10/2024 10:02

Just seen your thread you’ve started this morning Op

Now it transpires there’s a touch more to all this than you shared in this thread

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