Moody 8 year old

[KaAiLe]

Is anyone else struggling with their 8/9 year old? Honestly she's just getting worse and worse... I was sitting looking at her today thinking how unhappy she looks... She cries over every little thing. She never seems to want to talk and if I do ask her if is wrong she makes something up on the spot. She's grumpy, emotional 24/7 and it's not just a phase as it's been like this for a couple of years. She just doesn't seem happy. Looks permanently exhausted as well.

Keep on thinking I'm doing something wrong..

What do school say?

I'm also having issues with my 8 year old but with anger. She's fine at school but falls out a lot with her old sister. More recently she's been refusing to do stuff as asked. Simply things like putting PJs on and doing teeth or unpacking her school bag. She refuses until we end up
Removing her screen time then throws a massive angry wobbler. I did wonder if it's hormone changes but I cannot remember my old one now 10
Doing this.

They say she's an angel. They've said she definitely lacks confidence but they have no concerns with her

Oh I feel you. Her anger can also be an issue or it has been in the past. She's been restricted screen time since summer and it definitely makes a difference but sometimes I just think what's going on. I try to think it's hormonal changes but it just seems like such hard work. I feel like this is a phase I'll always remember but I'm at a loss of what to do...

Masking at school and lashing out at home?

Don't ask what's wrong, ask what is she looking forward to today, or what was the best bit of yesterday, or what she is looking forward to doing tomorrow.
Start gratitude journaling, never to early to teach kids to see the glass is half full, not half empty

I could have written your post, so have nothing useful to add (sorry). She's so happy and perfect at school, but at home she can be moody and angry, cries at the slightest thing. I've spoken to school and asked for a referral for an ASD referral which they started 18 months ago and I've heard nothing since! Going to follow this for any hints and tips.

This is exactly my daughter by the way. Like even if she's having the best day she just seems to be miserable when not doing anything and honestly would cry over everything and anything
. What did the school say to you?

We do this... But it's met with shrugs most of the time. Unless we actually have something planned she would say this.

I have no idea but Im at a bit of a loss sometimes

Is she unhappy at school, being ignored (left out of things) by other children or picked on. It doesn't have to be full on bullying to make a child really sad and upset.

Not any advice really but my 9 year old is slightly similar but she has diagnosed anxiety and it shows in both school and at home. She doesn't want to leave her primary school (Year 5) but I am considering home schooling her for secondary as it just isn't working out. She gets stressed very easily and doesn't seem to know how to communicate or express her emotions without crying and getting angry. The only time that she is truly happy is when she's playing sports honestly but then again, she doesn't eat enough at all for the activity she's doing so is always physically exhausted. That also makes her grumpy and unhappy. It really worries me because I have 3 older children and none of them were anything like this. They were always happy kids and are still happy teenagers.

Some things that help are we try to make sure she has a proper regular sleep schedule that rarely changes because if she doesn't get enough sleep, she is much, much worse. Exercise really does help when she has eaten enough - she is much happier and feels more fulfilled. Most of the time, she eats like a sparrow so she ends up just feeling physically exhausted making her lash out so it is a struggle. But that could help with your daughter.

@KaAiLe they think I'm overly worried and don't have any concerns! She's also super fussy with food but wants to snack all the time, which is also a constant battle at home!
I worry so much for her.

No like she seems to have a great range of friends at school. There no issues with school at all. They said she is well liked. All these issues only occur at home

Oh my daughter is the same. It's a battle to just get her to eat sometimes. She wasn't always like that. Im the same which is why I came to ask if anyone had similar as I feel very alone with it all. My husband thinks I'm overreacting but does see everything I do

I'd say remove the screen completely. It will be hard at first but as a teacher I believe that screen time has massively added to the mental health crisis we are now facing with youngsters.

I do really get why people say this and agree screens should be limited, but to remove screens completely I'm not sure is the right answer. Some children especially if they have over stimulation issues can find calmness in watching a TV programme or playing a game, and I don't think that completely banning them is the answer.

When we limited it is better but I don't know if I could remove completely when all her friends get it. I would feel like I'm being really unfair. She gets it taken away completely when she's not being nice in the house. I mean I could potentially trial it but I feel she thinks I'm already cruel

I think I get it sometimes too I just don't know if it's the right thing. Like I feel like the restricting was extreme for us and a big change. she does have it taken away when she doesn't behave in the house etc

Similar position. Very quick to tears, catastrophising the smallest set back, being defeatist, creative writing stopped, drawing stopped, painting stopped.

We tried speaking with her to find out why, and whether something had happened, but she wouldn't talk about it - in fact, asking about it made her upset.

The school reported that she was a happy, popular child, so it didn't make sense.

We tried to introduce things to look forward to (trips, etc) - as well as giving very clear praise when it was due, as well as reinforcing sleep routines, and increasing exercise, However, her negativity could often outweigh our efforts to maintain a positive atmosphere.

Finally, through conversation with the mother of one of her friends, we discovered issues at school that the school had not communicated - normalised bullying, being side-lined by the class teacher, and her crying at least once a day!

We had to enter into a formal dialogue with the school to assure quality of teaching as well as adherence to their safeguarding policy - to address the crap class teacher and persistent bullying. This was painful but resulted in new hires and external professional training for resources that remained that had been sub-par.

Our 9 year old is now much happier, and the creativity is flowing again.

It's worth double checking with the parents of children that are good communicators on how things really are at school.

@FrauPaige I've spoke to other school mums and do regularly but nothing to note in terms of school. Like she does have 1 teacher she doesn't particularly like etc but nothing out of the ordinary.

I even tried to subtly ask her on the walk to school if there was anyone she was unsure of in school...it just seems like she has a certain attitude at home.

I keep all her routines the same... Thanks though as if I hadn't thought of the above I'd have definitely looked into it

If all is truly well at school, how about getting her socialising and keeping her busy? Club activities such drama activities where she can learn to better express herself and tap into her creative energy.

Is she playing any team sports at the moment?

What does she do after school typically?

I tried removing screens and to be honest it backfired, she needs that zone out time to get herself settle once she's home from school, the only thing is she has to watch something creative to get ideas from or do something creative (like build a world on minecraft). A quiet time doing that, then some trampoline and gecko time and it does seem to stabilise her a bit.

@FrauPaige she does 3 classes a week and to be honest I couldn't fit anything else in. She does swimming, gymnastics and horse riding.

I work 3 days and by the time I collect her from after school it's dinner, wind down and bed so she's plenty busy.

@Oncewassmith my daughter likes Minecraft and she gets a short time on the iPad after dinner before wind down to bed. She doesn't get lots of time on it and only an extra half an hour or so at weekend. I'm hoping its just an extended phase. It's good to know I'm not alone to be honest as thats how I feel sometimes dealing with her.