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Parenting

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Daughter

9 replies

F1984 · 05/10/2024 11:35

Sorry it’s a very long one,I’m at a loss what to do to be honest and why I’m writing here.Came out of a mentally abusive relationship to my daughters father 7 years ago.We’re together 12 years.In that period girls still went on visits and he continued the bad talking about me through out no matter how much mediation and pleading to just enjoy his time with his children.Came to light two years ago that he had been physically and mentally harming girls whilst with him and had them terrified to tell me but I could tell girls were upset coming home and they told me.I phoned social services got them involved and contact was stopped.In this time my elder girl who’s 16 has started acting out and being aggressive and the younger child is afraid of her as she gets angry with her for no reason and bully’s her.Social workers were told and asked for help with this,was told we would be referred for support which has never come.They left a year ago deeming home was fine and ensured we would be contacted about support.A year later I’ve had daughter at doctors and speaking to their counsellor and on waiting list since April.Went last week again asking as it’s got to the stage where my anxiety is through the roof and I’m struggling with her behaviour.I went to confiscate her phone and she attacked me tearing my dress and hurting my arm and went into the most horrific rage,took my phone and followed me around the house wouldn’t let me go to the toilet or do anything,I had to lock myself and youngest in my bed for fear of what she would do.It isn’t the first time she has attacked me and it’s taking its toll on me and the youngest who she ridicules and bullies continuously and hits out at her also.She kicked my stairs and broke the bannister in a rage because she didn’t get her own way.So I asked her to leave and she stayed at her friends,I phoned social services and the person I got was condescending,didn’t want to listen to what I said or how the youngest felt,and said well your giving up your rights to your child if she has to go and that I should manage the way I act.My daughter gave me cheek and attitude in front of her also and told her she wanted nothing to do with me once 18 and social worker just suggested her staying with her friend over the weekend and coming back Monday and waiting for said help again.This has been going on over four years of outbursts and my youngest sat crying at the thought of coming home and I feel like I’m continually walking on eggshells and it’s really affecting my mental health I’ve given up work and everything I’m really at a loss as what to do.I don’t want to be the parent telling my 16 year old to go but I don’t know what else to do,please help

OP posts:
Reugny · 05/10/2024 11:43

So your DD is copying what she saw when she was young and is now committing DA on you.

Does she have any friends or you have any family who will put her up for a longer period than a weekend?

F1984 · 05/10/2024 11:45

No I have no family or support network and no one to talk to,her friends mum is lovely and said ok for the weekend but come Monday there’s no one

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Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 11:53

Is she at school or college? Do they have any sort of emotional support they could offer? For instance, my DS’s school and DD’’s college have emotional literacy support that can do things like anger management, anxiety management, short courses of counselling etc.
Or what about her doing the Freedom Program? I know right now she’s the perpetrator but she’s also been the victim and dealing with that side might help.

Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 11:57

Reporting to the police is also an option, and they’d be able to initiate safeguarding proceedings too. Id phone 999 in any future incidents

F1984 · 05/10/2024 12:35

Reugny · 05/10/2024 11:43

So your DD is copying what she saw when she was young and is now committing DA on you.

Does she have any friends or you have any family who will put her up for a longer period than a weekend?

I have no family support or friends to call upon

OP posts:
F1984 · 05/10/2024 12:42

Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 11:53

Is she at school or college? Do they have any sort of emotional support they could offer? For instance, my DS’s school and DD’’s college have emotional literacy support that can do things like anger management, anxiety management, short courses of counselling etc.
Or what about her doing the Freedom Program? I know right now she’s the perpetrator but she’s also been the victim and dealing with that side might help.

She’s at 6th form has been getting support there but it’s not making a difference at home.Waiting for counselling a long time no sign of it went back last week to push doctors for it as know as a family we need the support.Shes an anger towards her younger sister which scares me and no matter what I do it’s not changing anything.Shes a fussy eater and changes what she likes to eat regularly so I buy what she likes to keep the peace.If I suggest a movie she’s never happy even if she picks it,I’ve suggested walking together as it helps me doesn’t want to know.says I’m not showing an interest but when I do she tells me to leave her alone and stop asking questions.the last straw was her calling me a sl*t and screaming in my face I can’t take it anymore,it’s learned behaviour and I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
F1984 · 05/10/2024 12:43

Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 11:57

Reporting to the police is also an option, and they’d be able to initiate safeguarding proceedings too. Id phone 999 in any future incidents

My neighbours and youngest girls friends parents are police and are helpful and friendly but I can’t continue with this behaviour it’s destroying my youngest

OP posts:
Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 14:01

If you logged an official police report they’d be obliged to initiate safeguarding for your youngest at least though- it may get you official help? Or perhaps your Gp or school could do a social services referral for you? It seems they aren’t listening when you ask for help so maybe a professional referral could help.

F1984 · 05/10/2024 15:04

Howmanysleepsnow · 05/10/2024 14:01

If you logged an official police report they’d be obliged to initiate safeguarding for your youngest at least though- it may get you official help? Or perhaps your Gp or school could do a social services referral for you? It seems they aren’t listening when you ask for help so maybe a professional referral could help.

I’m talking to my neighbour to see what I can do and going to youngests school Monday morning to talk to them

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