14 month old still not sleeping through the night!!

[HollyLondoner]

Is this normal?? Sleep seems to be getting worse and not better. I don't know if it's because I've just gone back to work and he's done his first few weeks of nursery but it was terrible before that too. He wakes up around 1am every night and screams on and off and I try everything to get him back to sleep and then he's wide awake by 4am. I've been starting the day at 4/5am for months now.
He goes down really easily and self settles and for naps but the nights are so hard. Someone please tell me it gets better 🥲🥲🥲🥲

I've tried water which he drinks. I even tried a bottle of milk in desperation around 3am. He's not too cold and has a lovely duvet now that he loves. I was so tired this morning I left him crying from 4am-5am and I feel terrible about that but he didn't settle. When I go in his room he settles and then cries as soons as I leave.

Yes it's normal. Yes it eventually gets better. Expect sleep to be disrupted due to developmental leaps, illness, time of year, changes in routines, new things happening...add all that up and it's amazing they sleep at all really! With my children (9 of them) I've found that sleep really improves once they get to 3.5 yrs and beyond. My youngest is 3yrs 10 months and I've seen a real improvement in the last few months again. We still co sleep. My advice is always the same "do whatever gets everyone the most sleep". You will not have a teenager that wants to sleep in your bed, need settling to sleep or who doesn't sleep through the night (or won't want you during the night if they wake is probably more accurate!) or who gets up at 4am for the day 🤣

Yes.

My two both woke at 445 today and they sleep through. It's early for them (530-6 is normal) but there you go. 3yo and 16mo.

I'm an advocate of sleep training. I know it's controversial but I did both mine under a year because we were going insane.

Sleep deprivation is the worst, but it does get better.
I would just stay consistent with any bedtime routine, try to stick to the same time and the same re-settling routine.
& do what works for you both - if that’s a bottle then so be it. My 3 year old still finds comfort in a bottle at night. Does he have a teddy/comforter? Maybe he needs to drop a nap - not sure on nap schedule, but maybe test it out.
Wish you luck! If it makes you feel better our 3 year old was never a great sleeper to begin with, I nursed to sleep for 18 months, we ended up putting her on a bottle and the night wakings slowly stopped, we always responded as wanted her to feel safe & she will 90% of the time sleep 12 hours a night now, maybe one night wake occasionally. He will get there!

Yes completely normal, especially given the huge change of nursery just now.

More comfort not less would be my approach.

When I go in his room he settles and then cries as soons as I leave. Just sleep in his room?

Normal, we put ours to bed in their own room but co slept once they woke after midnight just to get some sleep until DC were about 3. I think people worry far too much about getting 'bad habits' but ultimately if you cosleep everyone sleeps, you're rested and you can bribe him later to sleep in his own room all night if needs be but chances are he will eventually go through the night.

@urghhh47 I wish he'd sleep in the bed with me! He hasn't let me co sleep in months now for some reason. Just trying my best to get him to sleep independently and I always worry about doing any long term damage because I know he needs to sleep.
@bergamotorange I don't currently have a bed in his room but surely this would be a bad habit if he needs me in the room to sleep?
He's getting lots of comfort from me and is a very cuddly baby but I just don't know what to do anymore as I can't function on 4 hours sleep every night.

@Crazyeight ha thank you. That's literally what I just wrote about a bad habit. I think it's because I have a close friend whose 4 year will not sleep in her own bed and sleeps terribly and I worry it's a bad habit that she can't sleep independently.

@BlueEyes90 we're consistent with bedtime being 7pm and his routine and he does off to sleep straight away. He's got a comforter that he loves. He often just lays there with his eyes open for hours and I just can't get him back to sleep. He doesn't want to be held. He doesn't want to come into bed with me. He's such a happy lovely boy in the day but I don't think he's getting anywhere near enough sleep.
I've tried 1 nap days but him getting up at 4am makes it a very long stretch for him!

Just wanted to send my solidarity. My 18mo recently started nursery and sleep has been horrendous for weeks and weeks. It's such a big change for them. He's never been a good sleeper in the first place, he now co- sleeps with his dad mostly so I can get some rest!

It will get better one day... I hope!

@blossomhoney2 it is a huge change for him. He might be picking up on me being very emotional returning to work too as we're so used to spending all day together just the two of us and now he's at nursery 3 days a week. I hope sleep gets better for you too ❤️. I thought I'd be trying for a 2nd baby by now but I think we're one and done now 😅

@blossomhoney2 well done on dad helping so you can sleep ❤️

Could he be overtired if you think that he’s not getting enough sleep.. Could you try and bring forward bedtime an hour just for a couple nights and see if that helps? Sometimes I think it’s just a case of trial and error unfortunately.
Do you use white noise? There could be noises waking him up.
I can’t remember now but I do remember googling sleep regression all the time and they always blame it on that 😂 but I think at 14 months they’re learning so much every day & growing, it’s probably exhausting for him too.

I couldn't let this post stand, without saying teens frequently do need you at night, to be collected from various parties, to rescue them or their friends from trucky situations ( sometimes involving the emergency services) and sometimes just want to chat about their loveclife, studies or friendship issues at midnight. The last time my son spent tge night in my bed he was 12.

How long is he sleeping at nursery ? My v. bright 18m old boy had to be strictly limited to 1.5 hours at this age to ensure a decent night.

@BlueEyes90 he might be overtired yup. I tried 6pm and then he was wide awake at 3am! That was a rough day earlier this week.
He has white noise and blackout curtains.
I think it might be a sleep regression but he's been doing this since he was 11 months. 10 months he slept through for a few weeks and then it's got really bad since then. Up all night every night.

@Neurodiversitydoctor his sleep is all over the place at nursery. They've let him nap for 3 hours before. Also let me start a second nap at 4pm and I was so annoyed I drove over and had to wake him up at 4.30. He tends to have 45 mins in the morning at home and then an bour after lunch on average.

Ouch, 3am is not the one!
Doesnt sound like nursery have been helping the situation.. but maybe a regression, nursery is a big adjustment too. I imagine it’s so overwhelming for them at the beginning. I’m sure it’ll settle, just do what you’ve gotta do - even if you can put him into your bed at 4am so you can get some extra sleep.

My 2 dropped naps at 18 months and before that I had to ask nursery to limit naps to 30 mins otherwise they would be up all night. I'd know when nursery got lazy and let them sleep for an hour.

@Neurodiversitydoctor mine only have a few times for parties they're mostly autistic and home people. Eldest 4 are all adults now.