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Parenting

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3 year old won't let me put her down

8 replies

takesafanortwo · 04/10/2024 17:53

If I do, she not only does murderous screams but bangs her head, hard and without awareness of how hard

She won't sit on the floor and play with me.

She is insistent we sit on the sofa, cuddling. Often with her holding me so tightly she's hurting me

She goes to nursery twice a week with a grin and gladly goes to her key workers.

She does this to me alone and my dad who she sees once a week and has spent time with over a weekend - doesn't do this to my mum - she avoids her despite my mum adoring her Hmm

She cannot speak yet and I can't really use verbal reasoning, despite doing it anyway as a modelling of what I'm doing

She is so heavy and hurting my back. She refused a sling and attacks my face if I try it (I've tried a few, she hated them all as a baby).

Her brother has very profound additional needs but he acted like I was a ghost that wasn't there for years. I'm kind of wishing that back again with her situation Grin

She is incredibly distressed. No new life events or changed in her routine to cause this other than age but it's been going on for many months and just seems to get worse

If I attempt to leave a room, she will run after me and often runs into the door frame or throws herself onto the floor in a fit of rage and pure devastation Sad

I have developed anxious feelings as a result. I cannot even move the wrong way sometimes and she's hysterical

She is on a waiting list to see a paediatric consultant regarding ASD

Nursery say she is very demanding of cuddles but plays a lot independently too; without adults holding her

If she goes into a playground, she will get down.

But not at home. Not in public spaces like shops

The screams are those of a child being hurt and different from a whinge. People often look extremely concerned Sad

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takesafanortwo · 04/10/2024 17:57

Worth noting that her sleep is atrocious- She wakes around 4am max. Never goes back to sleep. When she does fall asleep, she is sleeping soundly. But it's very late by that time

Again, constant supervision needed because her behaviour is dangerous. Various professionals are aware. On a waiting list to see a sleep team.

She likes her space and wouldn't sleep next to me, despite her daytime antics

I am extremely worried because all I hear is her distress and I feel like I'm entering into a depressive episode. It's a never ending cycle of hearing my own daughter sound as if she's begging me not to kill her, she is that upset.

I am so done and fed up.

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Tulip8 · 04/10/2024 17:59

I'm sorry it sounds like she does have some extreme additional needs. I would be going private to find out exactly the issues she has and get some help whether that's medical or social help.

Good luck.

takesafanortwo · 04/10/2024 18:36

@Tulip8 thank you, I am worried people will just tell me it's a phase. And I'm sure some elements are - but it's just all so extreme

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LapinR0se · 04/10/2024 18:40

How long has this been going on for?

takesafanortwo · 04/10/2024 18:41

@LapinR0se about 8/9 months

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LapinR0se · 04/10/2024 18:45

Wow that’s a really long time, I don’t know how you are coping so well… I would be totally overwhelmed

Can you try and build up to maybe having some space. So put her down for 1 min (set a timer), be busy doing something, if she screams say You’re fine and sit with her again, then repeat after a few mins but for a tiny bit longer until you can have 10 mins where she’s not on top of you. Am thinking like a controlled crying thing.

MovingTooFast121 · 04/10/2024 18:47

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds impossible and deeply distressing for both of you.

I would up her hours at nursery for your well-being.

Do you have Portage in your area?

Have you tried taking her to sensory rooms, children’s centres, soft play, swimming etc. to see how she reacts/if there is some improvement? (I can only assume the answer is yes but you never know!)

Does she have a weighted blanket or toy? A body sock? Sensory swing? These are all things I’d be exploring.

takesafanortwo · 04/10/2024 18:48

@LapinR0se I have attempted this sort of thing but she immediately goes into destructive mode (towards herself), and I would often need to ensure she isn't hurting herself within only 10 seconds, let alone a minute

It's frustrating. I am being held hostage on a sofa! I can't stand it all. I am definitely overwhelmed

When her brother is home from school or not at respite, it's a juggling game - She has often got hurt because I cannot be on top of her if helping my son. Nobody seems very concerned and it's all just a waiting game to se paeds

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