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Original poster

Autistic Toddler won't cover legs

52 replies

autumnstyledrama · 03/10/2024 17:13

I'm wondering if anyone can help me.. my DD is at school and is on the pathway for autism diagnosis.

She refuses to wear trousers, leggings or tights and doesn't seem to feel the cold. (We've got past it previously by having her in the buggy with a blanket) she had an accident today and instead of putting the spare skirt I supplied on, they dressed her in a pair of spare leggings due to the weather. She was grand in the setting.

However she's been in the midst of a meltdown since we got home. Leggings have been removed and she's calmed down slightly but still very agitated.

I know she needs to dress appropriately for the weather but I'm lost as to what to try. She hates the feeling of anything on her legs. Any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 03/10/2024 17:54

Surely they'll need to make reasonable adjustments to some extent?
Obviously it was a long time ago now but when we were kids in late 70s/early 80s boys at my school had to wear shorts all year round until they were 8. Girls had to wear skirts but we were allowed to wear tights!

cloverleafy · 03/10/2024 17:55

Tell school to back off. Having a child in school happily in shorts/skorts is a much better option than forcing them into long legged clothing and ending up with school avoidance. Just because it makes the adults uncomfortable to see a child in shorts over winter, doesn't actually mean it's causing the child an issue.

I also suspect they'd be much less concerned if it were a boy.

Tiredandneedtogotobed · 03/10/2024 17:58

My daughter absolutely hated tights and trousers so wore skirts and socks for most of primary…. After Covid she wore one type of loose jogging pants everyday as she couldn’t cope with the feeling of tights/trousers and shorts (and wouldn’t wear a skirt without something underneath)(she only wore loose joggers at home- would be unable to wear anything else)
no diagnosis but had a Sen plan due to speech and school were very understanding and made the adjustment for her when I explained she only wore joggers at home and one particular brand of underwear so had some sensory issues.

most of the boys in her class worse shorts everyday rain shine or snow….

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Families SEN
Cobblersorchard · 03/10/2024 18:03

DD isn’t a fan of tights and will wear pinafore with socks all year, not autistic. Some of the boys stay in shorts.

She will not die of exposure so I’d leave it. If she will wear a coat that’s all that matters. As she grows up she may be able to cope with trousers but it’s not a hill to die on now.

WiserOlderElf · 03/10/2024 18:06

My autistic son wears shorts to school all year round, school have never mentioned it! To be fair he’s not the only one, some others who I know to have diagnosed SEN do the same.

Original poster
autumnstyledrama · 03/10/2024 18:06

It did occur to me that if she was a boy this conversation may not have happened... I'm going to tell them tomorrow to not put her in leggings again and I'll get her some knee high socks and boots at the weekend. The school will have to accept it.

It feels like a long night already and it's only early eve!

Thank you everyone, your ideas and confirmation this isn't a battle to take on is really helpful x

OP posts:
Pistachiochiochio · 03/10/2024 18:55

How cold does it actually get where you live?

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2024 19:00

Longer skirts, flowy trousers that almost look like a skirt.

also just recognize that those of us with ASD often experience ambient temperature differently. I am almost always hot. I can’t stand the feeling of binding clothing as it just adds to my feeling of being overheated.

Willowkins · 03/10/2024 19:04

Not sure if this helps but have you tried different washing powders? There's only one kind we can use in our house due to hypersensitivity. We also have to avoid certain types of threads and materials.

glassof · 03/10/2024 19:16

Another here that only wears shorts! Ds 7 won't wear full length, doesn't feel the cold.

Tryingtohelp12 · 03/10/2024 19:21

My son has only worn his school jumper for about 1 minute in the past 2 years- for his picture on picture day. He’s happy and runs hot. I always have a jumper in his book bag but he has never worn it. He knows it’s there and school know it is there. She won’t let herself freeze. My nephew only wears shorts. My Nan wears sandals year round. People like different things

Imalongtimepostingmum · 03/10/2024 19:50

Hi OP,

I am a lot further down the road with DS who is ASD.

If I knew then what I know now... I wouldn't have insisted on wellies. Or socks with seams. Or trousers in the autumn. Or shorts in the summer. Etc.

I fought it all and I had no idea. We both ended up upset. He was diagnosed age 12.

Go with what works for your daughter. I can't emphasise how much better life is if you take the path of least resistance. It's not bad parenting, it's taking account of the things that your child can't cope with. They need their head to be clear for learning, not for worrying about their clothes.

Good luck op, I know you are doing great. Xxx

wastingtimeonhere · 03/10/2024 19:58

I'm in my late 50s and don't like tight clinging clothing. I can tolerate tighter jeans but not other fabrics, leggings are a no. I wear tops 2 or 3 sizes too big. I don't like 'ladies' fitted tops. Sleeves on t shirts are usually an uncomfortable cut. Much prefer mens cover baggier arms too
I hated skirts as a kid at school and wished I could wear boys shorts!

ThespTheo · 03/10/2024 20:01

As long as her top half is warm it’s not an issue unless she’s out for a prolonged period of time in freezing temps. I know lots of boys that wear shorts all year round.

FS90 · 03/10/2024 20:10

I would personally try to be a bit more boundaried with your toddler otherwise this is just likely to continue to escalate into one thing after the other

Cobblersorchard · 03/10/2024 20:12

FS90 · 03/10/2024 20:10

I would personally try to be a bit more boundaried with your toddler otherwise this is just likely to continue to escalate into one thing after the other

Yes, because that’s how autism works…..🙄

WiserOlderElf · 03/10/2024 20:13

FS90 · 03/10/2024 20:10

I would personally try to be a bit more boundaried with your toddler otherwise this is just likely to continue to escalate into one thing after the other

With an autistic child, there are some things you can be ‘boundaried’ on, and some things you can’t. My autistic child doesn’t refuse trousers because he’s pushing boundaries, but because wearing them causes him actual physical distress. What would be the sense in forcing him to wear them? It would lead to him being disregulated and less able to learn.

DoublePeonies · 03/10/2024 20:24

No known autism here, and my 13 year old still prefers shorts. And no long socks either!
I really wouldn't worry about it. Let her wear what she is comfortable in.

Arjee · 03/10/2024 20:26

I am a level 1 autistic person.

Autistic people aren’t “particular about clothing”.

Our neurology is different. Sensations that wouldn’t bother most people can be unbearable to us.

People suggesting that this or that be tried aren’t really getting it.

This girl is extremely agitated if she can’t wear shorts. Why torture her to make other people feel better?

ADHD can have some similar things about not wearing certain clothes, and is also a neurodivergent disorder

I am going to be the odd one out here, and insist that she not be called autistic until she is assessed as such.

Most people don’t think it is a big deal to just refer to people as autistic, if they think they are.

It is a very big deal. Being assessed takes time, and money. People piggy-backing off the assessment that autistic people have undertaken, is quite insulting.

Also, many people misunderstand what autism actually is. They think it is being a bit socially awkward, when it is often nothing to do with that.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 03/10/2024 20:40

I don’t see the problem. As a child of the 50s/60s we wore skirts and socks every day throughout the winter. Leggings and tights hadn’t been invented and trousers weren’t commonly worn by girls. We survived the cold and I can’t imagine our teachers were concerned about us.

Original poster
autumnstyledrama · 03/10/2024 20:41

@Imalongtimepostingmum thank you for your kind words. I agree and it's what I've been trying to do.

Even though she is still so young ,we've had to work hard to find a placement that works with us rather than against us in terms of her needs, because she is "only" on the pathway. The school have been amazing and I just wanted to sense check I wasn't missing anything I could do more, before I went back to the school on this issue.
@Ponderingwindow what you describe is what I see in my DD, the opposite of me! So I try to be mindful of this.

Again, thank you to everyone with the helpful and supportive comments. It really has helped. She's a lot calmer now and is happy in her swishy nightie, (nowhere close to sleeping lol)but in the right direction. X

OP posts:
whiskeyarmadillo · 03/10/2024 20:53

My ASC daughter wears cycling shorts under her school skirts. She won't wear the school jumper but will wear a long sleeved thermal vest under her school polo.

I expect it will change now we have found a combo that works!

Tell school to dress her how she needs to be dressed to feel regulated.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/10/2024 20:58

The school may have been highlighting the concern around the sensory issues and possibly support requirements rather than the shorts. Or perhaps privacy is compromised when she tries to remove clothes. I’d go with soft cycling shorts and remove labels, let her remove everything at home in her safe space where she is trying to regulate her system. It’s not Siberia!

SpottySpotSpots · 03/10/2024 21:09

FS90 · 03/10/2024 20:10

I would personally try to be a bit more boundaried with your toddler otherwise this is just likely to continue to escalate into one thing after the other

So you would wear clothes that make you hot or uncomfortable would you? Forcing a child (autistic or otherwise) to do that isn't "being boundaried".

OP, my NT child wears shorts all year, whatever the weather. I've stopped buying school trousers.
Our postie is always in shorts ...
School are being ridiculous if they're worrying about it.

RitzyMcFee · 03/10/2024 22:09

My friend's son has only ever worn long trousers during the secondary school years when he absolutely had to. He wears shorts all of the time. He's at university now.