Baby will not be put down.

[HashBrown31]

is this normal?

I have a 5 week old baby. For a newborn he’s very alert, can already hold his head up and generally seems a bit more awake to the world than other babies around his age.
He will not be put down, not in his car seat, his pram, his swing, nothing. If he is not being held upright by another person he screams and screams until he is purple in the face and the veins are sticking out of his head. When you pick him up, the crying stops instantly.

as a result, he will only sleep on me and I’m finding the whole thing really difficult, even with a sling.

I look at other mums with their content babies sat in swings or on play mats while they have 5 minutes to themselves and I’m so envious, and really sad that his newborn weeks basically consist of me being frazzled and wishing the time away.

Has anyone else had a newborn like this? Is this forever?

That sounds so tough. I haven’t experienced this to that extent, but just wanted to say you have my sympathy. DC2 was a bit like that but has got much better, it will improve!

They grow out of it. It feels like forever while you’re in it. Can you get someone else to hold the baby while you have a little break? I used to track DH on his way home from work and start unbuckling the sling as he put his key in the door 🙈

It’s so hard, but do try not to be envious of other mums. Parenting is many years and everyone will have hard times and you will just make yourself miserable with comparison.

When you say will only be held up right is their a chance he has silent redux , is he in pain or uncomfortable?

If no medical issue I would urge you to work on getting him used to being put down. my 15 won't sleep anywhere but on me since 5 weeks not in buggy car or sling nowhere and I'm now having to start to try teach her to sleep independently because I've let it go on so long. Good thing is they adapt very quick . Im doing Hannah loves sleep course as it's very gentle

A lot of ppl on here will say it's very normal and to go with it but my MH is starting to b to be effected as I literally can't leave the house , I went for a walk with her today walked fir an hour and she wouldn't sleep then screaming because she is so over tired.

Hi - sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’ve been there and it’s bloody awful so you have my kind thoughts.
DD would scream constantly unless held and even if you stopped at a red traffic light or stopped the pram to look at something in a shop for example, that would be enough to start the screaming again.

Eventually, with a pinpricky facial rash (no other symptoms), she was diagnosed with CMPA/reflux so definitely something to consider. She didn’t have any of the other more obvious symptoms of an allergic reaction. We had to get her put onto prescription formula and Omeprazole.

Definitely speak to your health visitor and explain your symptoms. We were first told to try treating as if colic but when that didn’t help, she was helpful in getting us referred to the hospital and dietician.

Try swaddling, distraction, baby swing, taking out in pram. At some point they learn to self soothe. Mine didn't like being left or put down but sometimes they have to be.

Hi OP,

This sounds really intense. I had something similar, but not to the point where she would scream so much. She would tolerate cot/moses basket/ other people for one minute and then scream. She slept/sleeps next to me in bed, literally on my nipple most nights. I found that having an alert baby during the day was extra hard, even though I was lucky she was exhausted every evening and slept pretty much through.

Does he sleep ok while he is on you? If not, it might be worth just checking his weight gain if he is a breastfed baby, just in case he is an overly hungry baby or if he has something like reflux? Mine had tongue tie, and so fed for an extremely long time and was never satisfied for the first three weeks.

At 3.5 months my baby is slowly moving away from being so clingy, and because her tongue tie was sorted and the trapped wind is not as bad she is starting to sleep more and be a little more settled, I can put her in her cot half the time (really really quietly!). She is starting to be more interested in things now, but more often than not she is happiest sitting on a chair opposite me and keeping an eye on me while she plays with her toys for five / 10 minutes before she gets bored. She also loves watching me cook while I play music and dance around.

I just accept that my baby wants to be with me, I must be fun. 😁

I would get him checked out by the doctor just to be on the safe side.

My son was the same. It's so so tough but also very normal for newborns to want to be on top of you 24/7. My son would only sleep upright on my chest for the first 6 weeks of his life. I would stay up all night with him sleeping on me as he wouldn't even cosleep. I baby wore all day every day. He hated the pram, car seat, rocker, bouncer you name it. He grew out of it eventually!

I'll add that he was small, jaundiced, and had bad reflux. Maybe you can chat to the GP or HV to see if your baby is uncomfortable and that's why they insist on being upright!

All I can advise is baby wearing, and try to accept the baby you have. Comparison is the thief of joy and I'd tear myself apart wondering what I'd done wrong when my son was simply being a normal baby.

Thanks all for your replies, I’m overwhelmed by the number of responses and it’s good to see it’s not totally abnormal.

To those who have mentioned reflux, yes the health visitor thinks he has it but the gaviscon did nothing but cause constipation. He also had tongue tie which was snipped last week.

He definitely likes being upright but I’ve tilted his pram, his cot, his swing is sat somewhat upright, he still doesn’t like being in them.

Older women in my family tell me I’m effectively indulging him too much and I need to let him cry more, jts just painful to listen to/witness, especially considering I already see him cry a lot with the gas issue and getting irate with crying just worsens that anyway.

I feel like I’m starting to tip in to PND. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t feel like he’s a nice baby to be around. I’m starting to really begrudge that I can’t even have a quick wee without the screaming that’s become like nails down a chalk board to me. I try to remind myself I’m the 100th million woman to have this issue and it just needs sucking up but still, day after day, night after night it’s hard.

@Snowdrops17 there is an element of pain from reflux but when he is having that ‘episode’ he goes rigid and his knees pull up and down. Nothing eases that screaming. When he’s apart from me the screaming is just as intense but stops immediately when he’s picked up.
I have total sympathy with you re difficulty going out of the house etc. I even have to wee holding him or face more tears and that seems to make his gas issue worse. Is your baby 15 weeks?

Thanks @Silverfoxlady
this is exactly him. If he’s in a good mood I might get a minutes tolerance for something like the pram or swing but it descends in to screaming from there.
he will fall asleep on me/ on the boob then I have to do the slowest, gentlest transfer to a cot and if he wakes up, that’s it. He’s wide awake and it’s back to the crying.
My baby also has tongue tie, it was only cut last week. His weight gain initially was really good (probably helped by my oversupply) but it’s flat lined hence the assessment and the snip. I’m really hoping that the gas/reflux has been caused by the tie and once his new and improved tongue is up to full strength that issue will go away. I can’t bare the thought of having a reflux baby and this being my life for the next 6 months!

Thanks @SillyBear1 i also had the joy of traffic screaming today. Every time i see a red light a piece of me dies inside ha!
the health visitor does think he has reflux and the cows milk allergy has crossed my mind but a lot of what you read says it’s not common. I’m breastfeeding so will read in to what I need to cut from my diet as a trial tonight. Did the prescription formula and omoprazole make a huge difference or did the problem persist, just not as intensely?

Yes she is almost 16 weeks I've tried everything she will not sleep unless held. I'm honestly at breaking point I literally can't bring her anywhere as she won't sleep ends up over tired and the rest of the day is screaming and hours to get her to sleep . So I'm hoping I can implement the techniques in the course im doing at the moment (it's not cry it out) because I really need her to learn to fall asleep herself. I go to bed every night with her at 8 and spend all day with her asleep on top of me i genuinely barely get to see my DP anymore. My advice to you would be try gently get him into a new routine now before you end up like me . I've got mine from walking and rocking to sleep to sittting and rocking in 2/3 days simply by dropping rocking when she gives out back arches and protests and then start rocking again when she stops they pick it up very quickly I'm moving onto the course then

Oh I’ve been there! Couldn’t even go shopping with her as you had to rush about and couldn’t look at anything.
I found it’s a lot more common than I’d thought it was. Milk is also in so many things that you wouldn’t even think 🙈.

It was trial and error for some time as different formulas are at different stages of the protein being broken down if I remember rightly. We did eventually get settled on one though and it was massively different. The screaming stopped and the needing hours of holding/rocking etc after every feed and nap time disappeared.
To confirm the diagnosis though, you’re asked to reintroduce milk to see what they do which is really daunting!
She’s still dairy free at 1 but lots do grow out of it.

I ended up feeling like I was going mad and probably had PND for the second time with it. It’s absolutely gruelling so please take some time for you and ask to speak with the perinatal mental health team if you feel you need it. It’s hard enough as it is without a baby crying more than ‘usual’.

Mine definitely had silent reflux and things improved when I cut out all dairy and eggs (ebf). Miserable for me but I was committed to bf so there we go. I also got to a point where I was too scared to leave the house with the baby because of the crying. But once I got some support I realised this was more about me than what baby was doing.

Re: PND where in the UK are you? There are some great support groups near me I would recommend if in West Mids. If you’re somewhere else maybe look up milk mates in your area, I’ve found that the least judgemental and most accepting space. Doesn’t matter how you’re feeding either.

I had PND with both mine and the first time I suffered in silence and alone and the second time I was proactive and much better for it. You’re not alone.

My DD was like this until she was about 9 weeks. It was HAAAAAARD and I don’t really know why she was like this but we came out the other side and so will you. She’s 2.5 now and only lets me cuddle her when she’s sleepy because she’s too busy with all her little missions.