What can I try now?

[NotABanana]

You all know, the whole bloody world knows, my 7 year old son is challenging! My problem is how to deal with him defiantly and deliberately disobeying me. He has currently lost his computer again but I feel like I am fighting against something bigger IYSWIM. I try and talk to him about how he feels when we are all having a lovely time and how he feels when he is in one of his interesting behaviour patterns. He doesn't know. He says he can't help it and then he says he likes being like that. There is no build up or obvious trigger. He has a temper but I would expect that. I really am so crap at this. My upbringing has so clouded any natural motherly instincts and I am scared for the future tbh.

Nab I don't know what I'm doing but I have a mother that tells me what to do and how.... I am imparting that advice; that's all

If DS tells me I'm hurting him when I've made him hold my hand (if he's run off etc) then quite frankly, it's tough luck - he shouldn't have run off!

I am quite strict like that - I KNOW I'm not hurting him so thats all that matters; I do loosen the grip if I am being tight but if it's a case of him wriggling and getting uncomfortable, it's his fault.

I don't agree with "he's like this because he got an easy ride at 2". I think it's more about establishing punishment patterns; you can start now. The other kids will follow on automatically.

tbh I've only got a handle of it since my mum sat me down and really talked to me about how she did it - I know you don't have that luxury but now you know I'm not some sorted mum... I needed telling too

I love all of you

ahh, I love you too - I think you're great!!

(PS, sometimes I shout ONE, TWO etc.... I am NOT perfect!)

If he refused to walk I too would pull him along and if he fought that he'd get a smack.

I really don't want to smack him. I hate doing it and I don't find it works. The only time it has with the 3 of them is when they ran in the road and I smacked them then. They scared me half to death and it felt justifiable.

What would you be comfortable doing? I think if you're going to change the way you do things, you need a scale of punishment.

if he does something not too bad - this happens (no computer?)

if you get to 3 (if you choose that) - this happens (worse than above) (not sure of an idea...)

If he's still being naughty or kicking off - this happens, which is the worst of them all (no idea again - grounding/early to bed; I mean like 6 30 or something because if "he wants to behave like a baby, he can be treated like a baby"...)?

Just some ideas - ignore if you want!

Its so hard to get out of a negative cycle isn't it? There are some good websites, like the BBc parenting one with good ideas for how to deal with situations causing problems

here It might give you some strategies. Try not to beat yourself up ...we are all in the same boat and nobody gives you instructions when these flippin children are born!

(Currently have really bad stomach pain so might not make any sense. As usual)

I am rubbish at thinking up consequences. Threatening to tell his teacher and ring the police has worked 1-2 times. He is used to losing his computer so that doesn't have the same impact. I did say they would lose 5 minutes each time which would mean 5mins x however many times they were naughty and go to bed that much earlier.

The other side is I find little notes saying -sory I was norty. I love you.

Thanks for the link. Have printed off the discipline page and will read through all of it later on. Having an early night as shattered.

Threats are notoriously hard to carry out and are hard to find ones appropriate to 'the crime'. Plus you've got to think on your feet. You need to trry not to get into that negative spiral to begin with.

(Gosh, advice is so easy to type out...if only I could follow my own wise words!)

Off for early shower and bed.

New day tomorrow.

Will try really hard.

Thank you.

You are all amazing.

Had a good day.

DH took them to school and then I picked them up. If I said DS1 couldn't have anything and he started to stamp feet, argue, etc I just said, very calmly, I said no or listen please, etc. Worked well.

so obvious when someone tells you..

Don't be hard on yourself.

Talking to people takes the emotion out of the situation so after you've talked you're calmer and you naturally GOOD parenting skills kick in again!

It's being able to vent the angst that helps - not being told what to do (but that can help...

Always happy to have people tell me what to do.

Sometimes it is hard when you feel so completely worn down and exhausted.

Okay day today though I did get cross when DS1 snapped my flag off the car. He wanted to take it off as St George's Day was yesterday and I said he could but I needed to get the key. He couldn't wait.