Hi everyone,
Just a short back story and I'll include everything to try and get a factual opinion from you all :-)
I was married to my ex husband for 13 years and we have two children. He is a great father but slowly over the 13 years we grew apart. We were very different people and I think the thing that made up my mind was that he wasn't there for me and wasn't supportive when I lost my Mum and never understood the very close relationship I had with her (almost to the point of jealousy I want to say). I don't think this makes him a bad person, he just didn't get it and would never try and understand why I did so much for her. I suppose I grew to resent him and slowly over the 13 years I fell out of love with him and didn't want to grow old with him. I just knew it wasn't right.
I knew I was attracted to women from an early age but I met my husband and fell in love with him. We got engaged, kids followed and the rest is history.
I met a woman who I had so much in common with, who I was immensely attracted to and I knew I wanted to take things further. I spoke to my husband and told him that I wanted to separate and that I had feelings towards women. He took it very hard. He would always joke about me being gay but deep down I think he thought I wouldn't pursue it. We stayed living together (but didn't have a relationship) and then he found out that I was in a relationship with the this woman. She has two children from her previous marriage and the kids all get on so well.
My husband has made it clear to our children that he doesn't want to hear about my new partner (or her children) to the point where our children have stated that he 'hates them'. He would never use the word hate but our children have picked up on this animosity and think that he hates them. He blames the woman for our marriage ending (I have told him numerous times that she isn't the reason) but he won't accept it.
My ex and I have always been amicable around the children. We would do things together as a family of 4 even after I moved out and the kids benefitted from this I think. It's our son's birthday next weekend and I don't know what to do. My ex knows I'm in a new relationship but has asked me if we can spend the day together as a family for our son. My new partner has never understood why we continue to do things as a family and thinks it's giving our children the wrong message.
Our son would enjoy it if we were all together but I don't think he'd mind if we did things separately over the weekend either (with his Dad one day and with me and my new partner and her children the other day). It's my ex who says he wants to do it for our son.
Do I go and do something as a family and keep my ex and my son happy (and upset my new partner) or do I arrange something separately to keep my new partner (and my son who would be just as happy) happy?
Is it too much to expect everyone to just get along? I'm even thinking of arranging something (soft play/trampoline party) and just inviting everyone and just tell them both to get along for the sake of our son?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!