Planning C-section with consideration of SEN child

[Mamma2346]

I have a planned C-section and an older child in primary who has high emotional regulation needs amongst many complex SEN. He is very excited about the baby though.

Initially I told DH he should stay with DS during the C-section to reassure him and I want DS to feel as positive about the baby as possible. We don't have any childcare or nearby family support, and those that know him are very old and wouldn't cope with DS if he became dysregulated.

But now we're thinking of asking for a C-section slot during school hours so DH can be with me, but so he can also pick up DS whether the baby is here or not.

We can also set up multiple but less ideal backups including after-school care (not sure if school would agree since DS usually has a 1:1 TA at school), family to stay nearby and friends on standby to pick up in case DH can't collect him on time for any reason.

I was also thinking that if DS has school to go to for the rest of the week (DH to manage all that) then he can keep some semblance of routine and I can get some 1:1 time with baby while he's there.

Is there anything I'm not thinking of? DS was a C-section too and we ended up staying hospital for him, but my recovery was straightforward. We'll also look at SEN baby sitter options but it might be difficult to find during school hours.

I think it makes sense to request that however it probably depends how busy your hospital is as to how likely it is that they can accommodate it. In my hospital they would try but the list literally changes most days due to emergencies and so on so it's also fairly likely they just wouldn't be able to do it at the time planned if stuff came up. So as long as you've got contingency for DH to leave and get your DS whenever if needed. He could do that even if he was still in theatres with you anyway if needed, so I don't see the issue.

Good luck! Hope it all goes smoothly.

I would say that you should plan for your DS to be picked up / looked after by someone else now rather than a wait and see approach. There will likely be more occasions in the future when someone else will need to look after him once there’s a baby in the mix.
If it turns out that DH does manage to get to school in time to collect him then that’s a bonus. But the fact that you’d either have to get childcare before school if you have to be at the hospital first thing (which is generally the usual thing for elective surgery) or be later on the list for your surgery therefore Dh wouldn’t be able to pick him up is almost certain. He may well be unsettled by this arrangement but it’s likely unavoidable plus he can be prepared for the change in routine.

I think that if it got to 2pm and we're still waiting then I would want DH to pick up my child rather than leave him with anyone else. I feel like the stress of being left with someone after a long day of school and no idea when we might be back would be damaging long term. He still has separation anxiety though he can manage school now.