Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

3 year old - regression - really worried

22 replies

BluePencilCase · 30/09/2024 16:48

My 3.5 DS is at pre-school (it's a bit stuck up but he likes it).

He's been pretty typical in development - was easy to potty train (has been dry for 8 months, including at night). He's v confident, happy, imaginative, plays with other kids. He fitted into his pre-school really well and was so happy last term. His language has always been behind though - while he's v chatty he's quite hard to follow or understand.

Since he's gone back to pre-school in Sep, he's started weeing himself 4 times a day and not telling anyone or refusing to then get changed, getting v upset, and now in the last week - he is pooing himself at pre-school. It started at school but he's doing it at home now. (sorry for detail but poo doesn't seem THAT healthy - poss constipated as v thick)

He says the loo makes him 'sad' and 'angry'. He absolutely will not use the loo during the day. He has pooed himself three times just today

the pre-school staff are v frustrated. no amount of stickers or conversations seem to help. He was totally fine for 8 months and was a dream to potty train with v few accidents early on. Weird thing is - he's still totally dry at night - but during the day he has a psychological thing about going to the loo.

His language is still pretty bad - not getting better really

His older brother is autistic with a LD

Any advice? I went to GP as thought maybe he's constipated but they were dismissive.

OP posts:

PolaroidPrincess · 30/09/2024 17:49

It sounds as though he's not entirely coping with Preschool.

I'd be tempted to put him back into nappies if he'll accept that, just got the short term.

When you say he has a speech and language delay, what help is he getting for that?

Original poster

BluePencilCase · 30/09/2024 17:57

Pre-school doesn't allow kids in nappies. It's a requirement of pre-school to be potty trained apparently.

We have been on waiting list for SALT for so long. Now going private after many months.

OP posts:

PolaroidPrincess · 30/09/2024 18:01

BluePencilCase · 30/09/2024 17:57

Pre-school doesn't allow kids in nappies. It's a requirement of pre-school to be potty trained apparently.

We have been on waiting list for SALT for so long. Now going private after many months.

Are you in the UK? I thought they couldn't do that because of discrimination now?

Has he had a hearing test too?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families Potty training

redappleorchard · 30/09/2024 18:02

PolaroidPrincess · 30/09/2024 18:01

Are you in the UK? I thought they couldn't do that because of discrimination now?

Has he had a hearing test too?

Show quote history

They can’t

Cocothecoconut · 30/09/2024 18:05

As ^^pp for a short time use pull-ups but keep reminding him to go
also see if you can get out of him what the issue may be, toilets too big, noisy, open doors so he can be seen , hand dryers are loud. ask if you can see their toilet set up
Something is upsetting him

Original poster

BluePencilCase · 30/09/2024 19:21

he does tell me toilets make him 'sad' and he has said it's 'scary' but i don't see the difference. he fell in the loo once many weeks ago for about 2 seconds - didn't seem v upset but other than that - i hvae no idea. it started at pre-school but is now starting to happen at home too so it's not just their loos.

Yes I'm in the UK. We get free hours from the local authority so I had thought that although private nursery - they can't do that - but they insist they can. They say their staff are not 'trained' or prepared to change napppies. They keep sending me emails about it and I don't know what i'm supposed to do other than keep suggesting things like sticker charts etc. it feels like they could ask him to leave.

OP posts:

Original poster

BluePencilCase · 02/10/2024 16:32

The pre school have asked me to come in for a meeting as it is becoming "unmanageable". I feel so stuck as to what to say. Health visitors never call me back. Isn't putting him back in nappies just going to prolong this regression? Any advice. I'm stumped!

OP posts:

BlueEyes90 · 02/10/2024 16:39

How are the staff reacting when he has an accident?
Maybe falling in the toilet (while quick & no reaction at the time) actually really scared him and now he’s having these accidents, if the reactions are bad, it may be adding to it and making the toilet seem a really big deal.

PolaroidPrincess · 02/10/2024 19:53

If the HVs aren't calling you back perhaps contact their manager.

frenchnoodle · 02/10/2024 19:53

Putting him in nappies will make It easier for everyone for a while. Until he gets over his fear.

I think you need to go back to nappies, then restart with an actual potty to build his confidence back up.

The preschool can't actually legally refuse him.

Whisperingangel1 · 02/10/2024 20:25

Hey OP. Are you sure he's not constipated?
My DS is 3.5 and been on laxipeg (laxative) for over a year. He is thought to have high functioning autism. He doesn't have accidents in school but if his clothes needs to be changed he hates it and can be very difficult.
If he is really constipated he can leak poo into his pants. If he was very very constipated he might struggle to know when to pee. What did your GP say when yoi suggested yout DS might be constipated?
Has anything changed at school to trigger the sudden change in toileting? New teacher? Sounds like he is holding it in and not wanting to use the toilet.

Button28384738 · 02/10/2024 20:27

Something around toilets at school must be stressing him out.
It doesn't sound like they have a very good attitude at his school either, it's common for 3 year olds to have accidents especially in the first few weeks of preschool.
Is moving him to a different school an option?

AmandaPleaseDotCom · 02/10/2024 20:39

Button28384738 · 02/10/2024 20:27

This, them making it a big deal will be noticeable to him and making him more anxious. I'd move him if possible, somewhere a bit more 'cuddly'? My daughter is 3 and on a pre school floor at a nursery and loads of the kids aren't fully trained yet and the staff are great at helping them get there. 3.5 is still so little

InTheRainOnATrain · 02/10/2024 20:58

Is it part of a private school? Otherwise I don’t think they’re legally allowed to say must be fully trained are they? But I would go back to the GP (can you see a different one?) and ask about the constipation, speech therapy and a hearing test. And unless you’re really in a bind for childcare it sounds like it’s stressing him out and doing more harm than good so I’d take him and look for somewhere a bit less strict.

littleoldme3 · 02/10/2024 21:09

@BluePencilCase I’d be seriously questioning their reaction to his accidents OP. My DS is also 3.5 and has been dry for around the same length of time as yours. Hes struggled at nursery for the last couple of months with being very worried due to a change in routine etc going into the summer holidays. He started wetting frequently, both at nursery and at home.

Nursery could not have been more supportive! He would be very upset when he wet. They would take him to the bathroom and encourage him to finish anything else he needed on the toilet, get him cleaned up and settled back in doing an activity or give him cuddles and read a book with him in the cosy corner if he was still feeling upset. It didn’t matter how many times a day it happened, it was always no issue.

They came up with various techniques to try and help and shared them with us so we could implement the same at home. And vice-versa if we were trying something new.

3.5 is still so young!! There are a few kids in DSs nursery class still in nappies including some with additional needs. If your pre-school doesn’t allow nappies, what do they do about children with additional needs who aren’t potty trained?

Original poster

BluePencilCase · 02/10/2024 21:51

Nursery is attached to private school but it does the free hours so is in receipt of public funding - I think they know they can't ask him to leave so they are being v 'we are struggling to cope with it, it's unmangeable' etc but also being supportive by decorating the loo for him. I think they would like him to leave.

I will go to GP about constipation. I do think he's holding it in and then that may be making him wee too perhaps

he's totally dry at night.

OP posts:

JuleseyOC · 06/10/2025 18:37

@BluePencilCase

Sorry for the random message but I saw your thread after frantically researching ideas because we are going through similar. Did you find a resolution in the end?

Original poster

BluePencilCase · 06/10/2025 22:39

hey @JuleseyOC - it look a long time but we are back on track - basically every time he was tense or uneasy or in new surroundings then he would hold onto the poo and not go - and then hold onto it for days and then it would become painful and refuse to go and then he would have mini explosions .

there is a name for it - Encopresis - so yes, i basically did this

GP prescribed laxatives 2.5ml Senokot for 3 days and it was horrible because he was really having explosive poo but by the end - i was certain that there was no blockage at all or constipation.
Moved to movicol powder - little bit in his yoghurt each morning - and then evey evening would sit him on the loo. no pressure, just go if you can. lots of praise and all that. and then kept that up until he started gonig regularly again

we are a year on from this post and he still has accidents sometimes. when he is a new place - he just does not want to poo - and he wants to hold it and then gets himself into a state and gets a bit confused and does a little poo in his pants or gets grumpy because he's uncomfortable. when i think 'god he's not pooing again' i just stick on the loo (with an ipad if he won't go) and then just leave him to it - and after 10 mins a poo arrives! no pressure. but if he's backed up - then you need something to help otherwise he won't go.

i think the weeing himself was because it was all so uncomfortable down there - he didn't know if he was farting or weeing or anything. apparently they can start losign sensation in their muscle due to chronic constipation.

Also the charity Eric has lots of info but you've probs already found that.

it really stressed me off and on though. feels relentless.

good luck!

OP posts:

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 20:37

Not the right setting for him, try a home from home setting rather than an institution.

Cocothecoconut · 09/10/2025 06:51

@Skybluepinky I’m guessing you have a poor view of nurseries as your calling them an ‘institution’

tripleginandtonic · 09/10/2025 07:20

BunnyRuddington · 09/10/2025 19:28

That’s such a great improvement @BluePencilCase, well done with sorting all of that out. How is he doing with his speech now?

Flip