Sons Dad lying about working away

[Spicedownyourlife]

Morning all. This is a re occurring problem, Ive posted pretty much the same thing a few years agobut never got many replies... I just want some advice! My sons dad and I have been separated a while. CM is sorted (forced) and He works in the army. A few weeks ago he tells me he is being posted away for a few weeks so won't be seeing son.... I was 50/50 in believing him as he has lied before.... It was sons birthday last week, his dad text me to wish him happy birthday. This morning I've found out his dad hasent gone away and has been working and going to his weekly football matches as normal. I've spoke to him about his lies before and he just denies it and gets defensive. What can I do? My son is 8 just turned, he asks where daddy is and I tell him hes working away but I'm lying to him! Thanks for reading.

You can't make him be a decent dad. SIL handled it with dniece by telling her the truth "dad says he can't see you this week because he is working, but as soon as he lets us know he is free you'll be able to see him". She made it clear she was ok with any contact he wanted.

Kids usually work it out themselves eventually, quicker than the dads do and when the dads do work it out it is often too late. My dbro couldn't understand why dniece didn't want him to walk her down the aisle and why she doesn't prioritise him in her and her dd's life now he desperately wants to be part of it. She is busy working, being with her own family and with the people who were there for her growing up, she sees him 3-4 times a year at most.

My ex lied whenever it suited him, and I used to catch him out.

It came to a head when he lied about taking two weeks holiday to spend with DS, but actually only took one week, and then offloaded DS onto his latest random woman who fancied playing mummy for a week.

It went wrong and ds aged 6 had to ring me to go and get him because he'd been left on his own. 😡

I had a very blunt conversation with ex, said I couldn't co-parent with a lying, irresponsible piece of shit, and either he had to tell me the truth or all co-operation would cease and he'd need to go to court to get access. And even then, there would be no give and take.

It had got beyond acceptable and needed saying. He hasn't pulled a stunt like that since. Thankfully now DS is older and doesn't need his dad for anything anymore.

I think you could be less specific when talking to your ds. Use phrases like "daddy said he's working away this week.". At least then you will have honesty on your side.