13 week old - waking hourly

[Lucky2023]

Dear lovely mums. I want to get your advice/reassurance please as I am at my wit's end!

I have a beautiful DS who just turned 13 weeks today. He has always been a difficult sleeper and continues to wake every 1/1.5/2 hours at night, sometimes to feed and sometimes for reassurance.

He is exclusively breast fed. His bedtime is around 6:30 pm, we do bath very other night, swaddle then feed, with white noise (shower sound as he likes this). His cot is a next to me. As soon as I put him down in the cot he immediately senses this and will keep grunting and wriggling and sometimes continue his sleep but sometimes will wake up and require re-settling. The first stretch of sleep usually takes him to 11/12 pm but after this he will wake up almost hourly after lots of grunting and wriggling. We were told he does possibly have reflux as he used to cry lots and lots during the evening so we keep him upright after feeding.

He naps well during the day but will contact nap only so this will be in the sling or on my lap. His wake windows are about 2 hours and I make sure he takes a nap.

He feeds quite often during the day, about very 1.5 hours and is otherwise healthy.

I want to ask - is there anything I can do to stop the hourly wakes? should I supplement with formula? I do find myself getting quite angry when I hear the grunting and wriggling and have to take a moment to pause and stay calm and feel utterly awful abut this. DH is very supportive but I have such anxiety from sleep deprivation that I struggle to sleep even when DH takes him for a few hours at night and when he cries with DH in the other room I can still hear him.

Any help for this desperate mum?

The first 6 months are very tricky in terms of sleep and feeding 💐 you're doing a fantastic job so please don't be hard on yourself! Have you had the reflux thing followed up by a Dr? You say he's breastfed and usually people say you don't need to burp breastfed babies but it may be worth a try. Colic drops might be worth a try as well.

Does he poo easily? No chance of him being constipated? Sometimes when they're wriggly in their sleep it's not necessarily due to discomfort, they're just in REM which is the lightest sleep pattern and when they're most likely to wake up. It's a good sleep habit to be able to sleep through the REM period so if he's no waking during this time, try and leave him.

Do you have someone nearby who can take him for a few hours during the day so you can get a good nap in? Sleep deprivation is the worst feeling.

Good luck and hopefully some other posters come along with ideas as well 💐 and with babies don't forget the mantra 'it's just a phase'

Sending hugs OP, this bit is so hard but it will get easier! Make sure you go to bed early and make the most of his long period of sleep in the early part of the night (which is normal btw) and when DH is around to help.

I personally think 6:30 is too early of a bedtime for a 13 week old. Most sleep schedules advise later for such a young baby.

Either way part of infants is just riding out the shit sleep. There’s no sure fix to solving wakes, at 13 weeks most babies are feeding throughout the night and almost all babies have periods of very frequent wakes. It’s shit and exhausting but normal. The only thing you can do is set up your life so you manage it easier. Go to bed really early a few nights a week, alternate some settles with DH etc.

Have you tried any medication for the reflux? As this might be unsettling him. Also agree 6.30pm is an early bedtime, my DS went up around 10pm with us at that age and we didn’t start putting him down properly at 7pm until about 4 months. Saying that if it’s a new thing it could be a regression?

I wouldn't bother with a bed time baby is far to young, just put him to bed when you go to bed but to be honest he will probably feed every couple of hours anyway... its normal

Are you sure he's actually awake? My DD was the noisiest sleeper ever - we were so relieved when we moved her to her own room at 6 months!

Have you tried swaddling and propping up the head of the cot slightly? If he's got reflux then Gaviscon might help.

Sending solidarity. We're soon to have our second and I do not cope well with sleep deprivation at all, so praying for a good sleeper this time!

@TeddyBeans hes not constipated, he has a regular pattern of pooping and does so quite easily now although we have struggled with it in the past.

@Completelyjo @Dogandphone the early bed time is not actually something I implemented, he just started getting sleepy and cranky at this time and I put him to sleep and he sleeps through! Ive tried pushing it to 7/8 pm but he just won't have it and his eyes are pretty much closed. Is there anything else I could try?

@Dogandphone the GP prescribed us gaviscon but it didn't make much difference plus it was a nightmare getting it into him. We've found that just keeping him upright and tilting the cot was the most effective. He did go through a horrible colicy period around 6-8 weeks but that seems to have sorted itself out. I did ask the gp for omeprazole at the time which she refused on the grounds that he was gaining sufficient weight etc.

@muddlingthrou good luck with second baby! Hope they are much easier. This baby puts me off having a second tbh as the colic and sleep deprivation has been so rubbish!

If you think it is still reflux I would go back and push for the omeprazole. GPs don’t like prescribing it because it can be expensive but Gaviscon did nothing for my reflux baby other than constipate him.

My baby at this age would catnap downstairs with us but then wake up about 10pm for an hour or so which seemed to be enough to encourage him to sleep a bit later.

Having spoken to a lot of friends with babies the main conclusion I’ve come to is that some are just better sleepers than others though.

My first was like this, EBF with reflux, terrible sleeper. Not got any magic solutions but cosleeping helped me survive the nights and get as much sleep as possible. My second is totally different, treated the same, EBF and does a long chunk of sleep at night (between 4-7 hours!). Some just sleep, some don't, different temperaments etc. Don't let you out it off having another.

@Lucky2023 - that's exactly what I said the first year after my daughter was born 😂 I even gave away all her baby clothes as I was 100% convinced I couldn't put myself through it again. Then she turned into a much easier baby around 5 months... and an adorable toddler after that. And here we are again! It will be worth it, I promise - you're in the trenches right now x

With silent reflux there is often no weight issues but medication can be very helpful.
Also just because they are following a line doesn't mean that reflux is stopping them from being on their true line.

My daughter has allergies too but I was told she was fine she's following the 9th percentile gaining weight well. Treating her reflux and allergies and she moved up to the 25th-50th percentile!
She needed a combination of gaviscon and omperazole to see real improvements. The gaviscon is a faff but it did really help my daughter. At first we did need a stool softener too but by this point she was needing 9 sachets a day. When we first started and were on and off the gaviscon trying to manage the constipation without stool softener she was only needing 3-4. One of my biggest regrets is not accepting the stool softener earlier and not going down the cmpa route when I suspected it. My GP told me she couldn't be reacting to my milk as she would be in hospital which is incorrect. She also told me that reflux is just a washing problem also incorrect. There knowledge can be patchy

@Dogandphone yes I suppose it depends on your luck! When we were told it was reflux, the A&E consultant actually told us the likely cause as overfeeding (didnt know it was possible as a BF baby). He was 7 weeks at the time and weighed around 6.2kg so they said he was overweight and I should avoid giving him the boob unless I was sure it was hunger vs comfort. Made me feel awful and quite stressed as I often didnt know the difference. I might ring the GP again to discuss omeprazole - thank you for the advice

@NewmummyJ I have tried co-sleeping but it doesnt make a difference, he still grunts and his arms flap all over his face and just seems to be better settled when he is swaddled in his cot. I am a fan of co sleeping and wish it worked for us :(

@muddlingthrou haha! there is some hope maybe after all :-) best wishes to you x

@Superscientist sorry to hear you had so many issues but glad you persisted. I do feel the knowledge is patchy for sure. I actually did go dairy free for a few weeks but it made no difference to us. I am desperately hoping its just a normal baby issue and that sleep will sort itself out.

@BananaGrapeMelon thank you so much x

@Lucky2023 hi are you windind baby? My baby is ebf and if i don't wind her fully she wakes flapping and grunting like you say? Also my dd was awake until 10/11 until this week and she is 5 months. So a nap at 6.30 and wake for an hour or so then bed later might help?

Sounds like a normal baby to me

I have a EBF 6 month old!
You can't overfeed a BF baby, but I have an over supply and a fast let down which causes reflux issues!
At 13 weeks I was contact napping downstairs with us until 10pm ish, only really started to put him down on his own of an evening at 5 months, I could see he was in need of a quieter environment.
You're definitely In the trenches as it were and some babies do wake a lot in the night! Try to remember it's normal!
We have good night with 2 wake ups and bad nights with hourly wakes!
I have our cot side car to our bed for the first half of the night and then co-sleep in the early hours and it works well for us!

@Lucky2023 not overfeeding as such but reflux can cause more comfort feeding as a feed briefly eases the discomfort for quickly causes more discomfort which can then make them want more milk in a vicious cycle.

As my daughter has reflux and allergies rather than reflux caused by allergies taking allergens out alone didn't resolve her symptoms and she needed reflux meds too. A chat with the GP about some omperazole would probably be my next step. Have you had a feeding assessment? Tongue ties and fast letdowns can also give babies more reflux.