Suitable discipline ?

[Twistylemon]

Hi everyone.

My 3.5 year old has suddenly started messing around at bedtime and in middle of the night. I want a cuddle. I want a kiss. I want a drink(has one right besides her and more then capable of getting it herself) I need the covers sorted. I want to go sleep. I don't want to go sleep. All this sort of stuff.

Anyway. We're meant to go swimming tomorrow. I'm exhausted. Between my 3 year old being awake for an hour and then my 6 month old in the night. I wondered if not going swimming is suitable for my 3 year old as she woke for an hour in the night?

Am I being too mean and depriving? My folks would have done this sort of thing to me. But you know all this gentle parenting stuff now.

Thanks

It’s never occurred to me that this is a thing that we should discipline our daughter for. Kids wake in the night. I think the key is how it’s parented in the moment, not a punishment the next day. Would think she’s still too young for that sort of delayed punishment but you know her better.

Is it a class or a fun activity? I definitely wouldn’t be cancelling it if a class, it’s a skill they need to learn and shouldn’t be used to punish. If it’s a fun activity and not a class I guess you could say you are too tired from being woken up, and make it a natural consequence. But then you are stuck at home with two kids and that sounds even worse to me 😂

It's meant to be a fun activity. I did say when she was shouting and tantrums at me. If we don't go to sleep nicely then sadly we're be to tired for swimming. This was ignored and she started up again 5 mins later. And I know she understood as I ask her what I said and she repeats back to me. I ask her do you understand again she says yes. She will say no if she doesn't.

Ergh. Yes a day at home with a toddler is a nightmare.

Not sure how I can parent that in middle of night. I'm firm. Consistent.

Mmmmm. Yes they do wake up. But not for no reason as I would call it. I'm a horrid parent i don't do messing around in middle of night or sleeping time. I feel it's important to sleep well, so I'm extremely strict. One thing I don't let slide so to speak.

It's so hard as I was looking forward for some 1 on 1 time with her x

Am I being too mean and depriving? Yes. This is an inappropriate consequence for a 3yo needing comfort in the night. Being awake is normal, wanting a parent is normal. It's really normal not to be able to sleep or to feel insecure at night.

My folks would have done this sort of thing to me. Sorry you were treated this way.

But you know all this gentle parenting stuff now.

Mmmm. I understand. But I do give lots of comfort the first time. Even the second time. But after that. No. She's independently slept for a long time. She has night lights. She has her tommie tippee clock. She has to sleep to be able to grow and cope with the next day.

Thank you. Its not given me any lasting damage. If I didnt do as I was asked I wasn't allowed to do something 🤷🏼‍♀️

I could have worded that better. It was very silly o'clock in the morning with a very sleep deprived mama. I'm sure you can understand back when I was young even my parents. Things were done differently and parented differently to what is expected now.

Yes, sadly you are being mean and depriving.

She woke up and wanted you as her parent. She probably needs more one on one time, not less! Please take her swimming and don't mention the walking in the night once all day.

This was also the way I was parented and I made a conscious decision not to do the same. Do you feel your feelings on this may be something you need to explore?

I don’t think this is an appropriate response to waking in the night.
You think you 3 year old is big and grow up compared to your 6 month old but at that age they are still so young. They can’t always control waking in the night and there will be periods where they need to be supported.

It's so hard as I was looking forward for some 1 on 1 time with her

This borders on cruel. She is likely waking and wanting attention in reaction to sharing her parents with a baby now. 6months is when it really starts syncing in for them, and your initial response is to give her less time and attention!

She was only awake for an hour, at 3 she's still so tiny, she needs her mother's comfort. She certainly didn't need for you to get strict with her. I am still available in the night if my teenagers need something, for something like splitting with a girlfriend, worries about school etc, the big problems (,even the small problem). To a 3 year old worried about the covers not being right, wanting a cuddle etc are the big problems for a 3 year old expecially with baby in the house. My kids are still my kids at night time, if they need me I'll be there.

I say this not to be unkind, but if your parents had parented you with fewer punishments you wouldn't perhaps be automatically looking to discipline a child who did nothing wrong.

She has to sleep to be able to grow and cope with the next day. She is not a robot but a human child. Human children occasionally wake at night because they also have psychological and emotional needs, in addition to physical ones.

The thing is op, if she's awake, she's awake and 3 isn't really old enough to be wide awake in the night and left to her own devices.

"Punishing her" by not taking her swimming is pointless, it's just setting you up for a long day inside feeling tired and crabby and it won't stop her waking next time. No one chooses to be awake, it's just how the body is. She's not setting an alarm for 3am to deliberately be up is she 🤣

My son is autistic and really struggles to sleep. Always has. We do what we can to maximise the chances of sleeping - no screens after 5pm, banana for supper, magnesium/lavender foot cream before bed. Stories and a night light and cuddles until he falls asleep.

But if he's awake, he's awake. Same as an adult, you know yourself sometimes you can't go off or something wakes you up and that's it. The difference is, she's 3 and too young to just lay there for hours or read herself or whatever. It's just a part of parenting sometimes I'm afraid.

You can't control every aspect of your child, no matter how much you "always insist on good sleep" because it doesn't always work like that.