My son is 15 tomorrow and I can honestly say these past 4 years have been so difficult and I do not enjoy having a teenager. People say it's normal teenage behaviour but it's really getting me down and I feel like giving up.
His dad and I separated when he was 18 months, sees his dad every other weekend and we don't communicate to be honest. I've asked for support but he says, "I'll have a word with him" but nothing changes. He treats my house like hotel, doesn't pick up after himself, just eats the contents of my house. Wrappers of empty snacks, bowls, plates, cups all strewn over his bedroom. Makes food, doesn't clean it up. Attitude is stinking, says so so so, cool, does what he wants. He's 6ft 1 and when you say he is grounded or try take a phone off him. He refuses, goes out anyway and just doesn't respect me or listen. I tried to physically remvoe the phone by force but he says things like i'll tel social work you put your hands on me. Says he hates me. Only speaks to me when he wants money. My mum who is 67, speaks to her like dirt. Expects to be lifted and laid. I have worked my whole life, we have a lovely house, in a lovely area, great school, holidays abroad. He doesnt go without. Recently been so secretive, found him with weed in his bag. Weed pens. Clearly smoking cannabis. Drug tested him and THC came back. He does not care. Failing at school. Just makes my life miserable. It's his birthday tomorrow and got him gifts and I feel like not even giving him anything but then I get mum guilt and cave. He speaks to some female teachers like idiots and no respect. He wasn't dragged up, he was always told he was loved and nurtured. Spent loads of time together, holidays. Movie nights. Now he just looks at me like he hates me. Says things like "yeah phone the school, you have nothing better to do anyway, your life is boring". He gaslights and says things like "you're a psycho, you're crazy" and then talks to me when he wants something and then goes back to being horrible again. I absolutely can't stand him and I don't care how bad that makes me sound. He doesn't embody any kindness, respect or empathy. He just does not care. I am at the end of my tether. I've spoke to school, his dad, his grandparents but he doesn't care, he just swans about being disrespectful, abusive verbally, making a mess of everything, his room is absolutely vile. I really do not like him at all and when I look at him, I just think how on earth did I spawn such a horrible child? I work with teenagers, I have a very good grasp of how to deal with things. Talk things through, expectations but he laughs and rolls his eyes and says he doesn't have time and "can't be bothered listening to you". I am going away for a few days on a city break and my mum is looking after him and I really don't want to go because I know he will be the same with her but then I get angry because I think, "well I deserve to go away. I work hard." I'm at the end of my tether.