Vaping problem ! Please help

Jaffacake22 · 2024-09-25T18:24:29+00:00

This is a bit of a long thread but I am hoping someone will be able to help me please :( ever since my son has started high school in September he keeps getting hold of vapes. I’ve had conversation after conversation about how dangerous they are but he still just can not help himself. He’s got adhd and he is a follower more than a leader and is also a popular kid, he gets on with the older kids as his cousins also go to the same high school. I’ve taken his Xbox and things trying to punish him but I feel kind of bad as he’s not a horrible kid, it’s literally just the vaping situation which is really frustrating me. Has anybody maybe been in the same situation as me at all and could give me some advice on what I am supposed to do because right now I am feeling so lost and I have no clue how or what I’m supposed to do. Please don’t judge me as I am trying my best as a single parent since his birth with no contact with the father. thank you so much in advance

discoballdave · 25/09/2024 19:29

You need to be consistent with punishment and ensure the consequences fit. Nicotine is so fully addictive and for a boy who's barely hit puberty (if he has at all) to be getting hold of vapes and using them consistently, despite consequences at home it suggests that either:

Your consequences are not real consequences.
Your consequences aren't followed through on for long enough.

You say you've taken his Xbox but for how long? Is it still gone? Is he getting money to buy vapes or acquiring them? How is he acquiring them? Have you contacted the school?

Original poster

Jaffacake22 · 25/09/2024 19:37

discoballdave · 25/09/2024 19:29

You need to be consistent with punishment and ensure the consequences fit. Nicotine is so fully addictive and for a boy who's barely hit puberty (if he has at all) to be getting hold of vapes and using them consistently, despite consequences at home it suggests that either:

Your consequences are not real consequences.
Your consequences aren't followed through on for long enough.

You say you've taken his Xbox but for how long? Is it still gone? Is he getting money to buy vapes or acquiring them? How is he acquiring them? Have you contacted the school?

Yes I know what you are saying and thank you so much for your reply ! Yes his Xbox is still gone and no he doesn’t get money as I put money on his app for his dinner in school. He says all his mates do it and his mates are giving him them and he doesn’t play out so he’s not even able to get one while he’s out.

i will definitely be contacting the school tomorrow and maybe see if they can do something. When I’ve spoken to other parents all they seem to say is “ they’re all doing it” and I just feel like … am I the only one who cares about my son’s health ?? Is this what society has come to nowadays like it’s so bad!

again, thank you so much for your advice x

OP posts:

discoballdave · 25/09/2024 19:47

We've definitely all done it (or most of us). I remember having a cheeky cigarette in school but we had no money to buy them so it was a puff here and there and a lot of gagging. The worry with vapes is that they're such high nicotine and much easier to go down so yeah, it's much easier for everyone to do them.

I know schools can't crack down on every single vape brought in but they should definitely try and do more. While a few puffs is unlikely to be dangerous, he's just a baby in the grand scheme of things in school and if he's not getting them at home or able to do it at home it'll soon become something he wants more and more.

You're doing all you can if your consequences are consistent. While he's at school you can only do so much without his own willpower (which must be very hard as he's new to the school and just trying to fit in with his peers) and the schools support. Stay strong x

Tittat50 · 25/09/2024 20:06

ADHD makes this so much harder in my belief. You don't sound anywhere near firm and consistent enough. No criticism, it's so tough on your own I get it.

Is he medicated for the ADHD? I'd speak to school. I'd be less inclined to go down the nice route and explaining it now as he isn't listening.

I'd be saying things like - I know for a fact this will damage your health severely and it will lead to addiction. I can't accepting that at this age. This is what's going to happen.....:

If he isn't on medication, I'd be looking at getting him to take it because I imagine it could help alot with the dopamine hit he may be seeking.

I wouldn't return the x box tbh.

I wouldn't even let him out at all. I'd go full throttle on this. I am not an authoritarian parent at all but this is so bad at this age.

I don't know how you can get him to prove he isn't doing it. That's the tough part of this.

Definitely reach out to school for support. Bless you, it's ten times harder with ND in the mix.

Original poster

Jaffacake22 · 25/09/2024 20:47

discoballdave · 25/09/2024 19:47

We've definitely all done it (or most of us). I remember having a cheeky cigarette in school but we had no money to buy them so it was a puff here and there and a lot of gagging. The worry with vapes is that they're such high nicotine and much easier to go down so yeah, it's much easier for everyone to do them.

I know schools can't crack down on every single vape brought in but they should definitely try and do more. While a few puffs is unlikely to be dangerous, he's just a baby in the grand scheme of things in school and if he's not getting them at home or able to do it at home it'll soon become something he wants more and more.

You're doing all you can if your consequences are consistent. While he's at school you can only do so much without his own willpower (which must be very hard as he's new to the school and just trying to fit in with his peers) and the schools support. Stay strong x

Thank you so, so much honestly I really appreciate it :) I’m trying x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jaffacake22 · 26/09/2024 07:41

Tittat50 · 25/09/2024 20:06

ADHD makes this so much harder in my belief. You don't sound anywhere near firm and consistent enough. No criticism, it's so tough on your own I get it.

Is he medicated for the ADHD? I'd speak to school. I'd be less inclined to go down the nice route and explaining it now as he isn't listening.

I'd be saying things like - I know for a fact this will damage your health severely and it will lead to addiction. I can't accepting that at this age. This is what's going to happen.....:

If he isn't on medication, I'd be looking at getting him to take it because I imagine it could help alot with the dopamine hit he may be seeking.

I wouldn't return the x box tbh.

I wouldn't even let him out at all. I'd go full throttle on this. I am not an authoritarian parent at all but this is so bad at this age.

I don't know how you can get him to prove he isn't doing it. That's the tough part of this.

Definitely reach out to school for support. Bless you, it's ten times harder with ND in the mix.

Edited

Thanks for your reply and I completely agree! Yes he’s medicated but we are just waiting for a medication review as it needs a slight change.
i am going to be speaking to school today :)
it’s so scary society nowadays and it is so so hard but I’m going to do all I can to put this to a stop.
I know also about no dad- he hasn’t got the male role model to kind of give him a stern telling off.
wish me luck xx

OP posts:

mindutopia · 27/09/2024 10:39

Mine has also just started secondary school and definitely not all kids are doing it. I’m very clued up on what’s going on in her friend groups, monitor her messages, and I don’t know a single one of her friends who is vaping. I would be putting quite firm boundaries in place re: friends. He can’t be easily vaping at school on school grounds, so must be outside of school. I’d be making sure those opportunities are very limited.

MumonabikeE5 · 27/09/2024 10:48

Change school.
go and look at other schools- look at the kids walking in to school, in buses, in town/park etc where they congregate.
find a school where the kids seem to be better behaved.