DH falls asleep every time he holds the baby

[DHsleepQn]

DH has always been one of those people who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Anywhere, any time, he can take 40 winks.

We have recently had a baby; I am EBF and DH is doing everything around the house. I seriously can’t fault him. We’re also both sleep deprived as baby won’t be put down to sleep so we’re just running on empty at the moment. We started co-sleeping a couple of nights ago which looks as though it might help.

Anyway, the problem is that whenever DH holds the baby, at any time of the day, he will nod off within minutes. It doesn’t matter if it’s 12pm, telly on and bright sunshine outside. We could even be having a conversation then a minute after it finishes he’s asleep.

I can tell he’s getting frustrated that it always seems to be me holding the baby but the thing is I can’t trust him to hold the baby and not fall asleep. I’d love to go for a nap for example but I just know he’d fall asleep. He says he’ll stay awake by watching something interesting on TV for example but he will still fall asleep.

What can we do?

Sorry you've been upset by some of the responses OP. Honestly though he really needs to take some responsibility to resolve this or the resentment will destroy your relationship. Trust me, I am seven years down the line and I know.

I understand what you're saying about him feeling tired and comfortable, but it's not really about his mood and comfort when he's taking care of a baby; it's about the baby's safety. It's not about being tired and comfortable, it's about being snoozy and letting your guard down when it's not safe to do so! The risk to his baby's safety if he nods off should keep him on high alert as a father, but it isn't.

If he can't trust himself (or be trusted) to stay awake sitting down and cuddling your baby, then he needs to stop sitting down and being in situations where he'll fall asleep. He can get up, walk around, take the baby for a walk, etc. If he feels tired or wants to sit down, he can put the baby in a safe space like a moses basket.

What he absolutely must not do, is fall asleep on the sofa holding a tiny baby who cannot move to protect their own airway. This is literally a matter of life or death. See how he doesn't fall asleep while driving, or in other circumstances where falling asleep could have fatal consequences? This is just as important.

Your health visitor can give him more information on why this is so dangerous.

Get him to baby wear and do tasks around the house. Mop / vacuum etc and you rest. Then swap afterwards.
My DH is the exact same. The day DS2 was born he was sat holding him in the hospital and he was nodding off. I was trying to sleep but he slept. P.s he jad a great nights rest at home. Then later i went to shower before discharge and it came back and he was on the bed asleep with baby in his arms. I flipped out. I was gone for a good 30mins.

Luckily DS2 doesn't need much holding. As long as he is fed and well rested he will chill out by himself.
He is also the type to fall asleep at the wheel any time of the day.

Oh op, sorry you've been upset by comments.

Can he sit on a dining room type chair rather than sofa? Much harder to fall asleep on an upright chair. Or as pp said, walk about and put baby down in safe place before he sits somewhere snoozable.

I'd check for sleep apnoea as well.

By the time the baby is 12 months or so, he'll be big enough to not be squashed and they can have cute naps together.

Why on Earth is it your problem to solve this??

Does he have sleep apnoea?

I think previous posters are being a bit harsh. I also have a huge issue of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere and it is definitely not intentional or ‘weaponised incompetence’. I’ve fallen asleep at my desk multiple times, even on the phone, any form of public transport at any time of day, (I don’t drive so no risk there), in the cinema or the theatre or just watching a film at home. It’s irritating and frustrating so I don’t think it’s fair to be calling him out like he’s doing it on purpose because sometimes it really cannot be helped.

But would you put yourself in a position where you could fall asleep holding a tiny baby?

My lovely husband sounds like yours (both in terms of sleepiness and helpfulness!). We have a 12 week old. When I go for a nap he has baby in a sling and does jobs or walks around so he stays safe and awake (or he is also looking after 7yo so there is plenty of noise to keep him up!).
I think that's the answer for now - he can't sit down if he's in sole charge of the baby. This stage passes! He sleeps for the night in spare room and I do the night wake ups (cosleeping) and then he takes baby for an hour in the morning to let me have a decent hours sleep.

Op if you're both very tired you need to take turns getting rest. If you're bf at night then does your partner need to be up too fir every feed? Or get him to nap during the day and as soon as he's up you go sleep. If he's getting sleep at night and napping and still nodding off then it's a medical issue as noone is that tired you cant stay awake to hold your baby

Surely the answer is that he needs to take the baby out for a walk while you snooze?

And then you can do the same in return - except you can choose to sit down instead as you won’t fall asleep.

I feel your pain. My DH was the same but only at night. He would fall asleep feeding the baby, it was very dangerous. And then I could not sleep whilst it was his ‘turn’ because I had to watch him.

In the end I just gave up and took over all the night time duties almost entirely.

It was maddening but there was no other way. Dh never used to wake up, either, even if baby was screaming the house down.

Grrrr. Hope you can work it out. Sounds very annoying!!