Failing to settle baby

[AnjD93]

I feel like such a failure as a mum. I'm 10 weeks post partum and I feel like when my baby isn't asleep all he does is cry. I find it such a struggle to settle him. I can feel myself getting so fustrated.

I want to go out the house with him but I feel like its more stress than good not knowing how he will be and how difficult it is to settle him.
Only my husband seems to be able to settle him well but I can't always rely on him for naps and nighttime as he is going back to work soon.
Anyone got any tips?

Movement , gentle rocking over your shoulder - sometimes takes about 15 mins!
go outside or pop them into water- always works for mine xx or a cool flannel to the feet ( I find it resets nervous system )

I would recommend your get Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems book and look up her method on pp. 181-186. She writes a lot about following the baby's signs. She used to work as a neonatal nurse and then as a private sleep consultant. I swear by her advice, tried with both children.

Please do remember that babies are wild little beings who do what they want - it is not a reflection of your parenting or mothering abilities!

Mine are only soothed by incessant bouncing in various patterns, I pretend I'm exercising to pass the time.

I always do what PP suggested - outside or in water. Always bathed DS when he was a baby and had awful colic and CMPA symptoms. DD loves outside. Sometimes I just sit her outside the back door in her pram and let her calm down

Just to add that whilst some sear by her methods none of them seem to be evidence based and they can be detrimental if you're BFing.

Hi there, I am a midwife with research experience. I am not sure what you mean by evidence based methods. I am not aware of any studies that evaluated didfferent methods of settling babies in a systematic way. Saying this, practitioner's experience is considered evidence too. It is true, Baby Whisperer breastfeeding advice is rubbish. However, the rest of her book is excellent. I exclusively breastfed both children and I found her settling babies advice superb. She used to work as a neonatal nurse and she knows a lot about babies

Well she did. Unfortunately she died 29 years ago.

20, not 29. Bloody fat fingers.

Yes I am aware, Baby Whisperer died of skin cancer age 54 many years ago. I was genuinly sad to learn she died so young. Excellent, knowledgeable and compassionate nurse. I am not sure how her passing is related to this topic. Baby Whisperer never advocated leaving babies to cry on their own if this is what you are implying. OP asked for help with her crying baby, not for breastfeeding advice.

Practitioner's experience is anecdotal, not structured research.

Yup, mine liked to be bounced gently while I was on my gym ball.

You can also try baby wearing (sling) or putting them in the car and driving them around. Remember everything's a phase, and this will get easier

“Evidence can be obtained from a wide range of sources, including randomised controlled trials, observational studies and expert opinions of practitioners, people using services, family members and carers.”

National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2022) Developing NICE guidelines: the manual. Process and methods [PMG20]- Glossary. Published: 31 October 2014 Last updated: 18 January 2022. Available at https://www.nice.org.uk/process/pmg20/chapter/glossary. Accessed on 10 February 2024.

Oh gosh OP I feel your pain, I feel like the first few months of my baby’s life was spent trying to get her to nap only to fail or for her to wake up 10 minutes later 😭

In our case she turned out to have tongue tie, I do think getting that sorted earlier would have helped a lot.

Ah same! I'm at 5 months now with my little ones and she's slightly better but still needs a lot of attention. I'm the only one who can settle her (separated from husband so he's useless!)

I have been to the doctors numerous times but nothing worked for us.

She's not even a keen drinker so breastfeeding and bottle feeding was difficult too! Still is sometimes - she had tongue tie which was missed by the HV and doctors so went private at 4 months and it made a slight difference.

I can't really advise as she's still kind of a difficult baby! But it will get easier with time I'm sure - remember they are not always like this! Have you been to the doctors to rule out CMPA or anything else