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Reasonable contact?

5 replies

ivyrosee · 23/09/2024 15:53

Hi,

I currently have a 6 month old baby with my ex. Im struggling to set in place contact times/days, and just wanted advice please.
He has never had her unsupervised or over night. I recently found out he has been doing coke and other drugs when he goes out (I knew he used to in the past but thought he stopped). This is usually every few weeks. I thought he was only drinking but this explains why he would go days without seeing our child after. He has done this recently when I made an effort to make plans for him to see her more than once but he let the plans down as he wasn’t in a good way.

I’ve been asking to have set days even while we were together just to set a routine and so our child can have stability. He kept saying I am not allowed to do that? He’s finally agreed for set days but I am unsure how much contact is reasonable for our situation and her age? I was thinking 3 evenings a week to start (supervised by me)

I have denied unsupervised and overnight contact, mainly due to the fact if he doesn’t get his own way he makes threats towards me and is abusive verbally and emotionally. Also since finding out about the substance issues, I definitely do not feel comfortable with it

Sorry that this post is long! Just wanted advice on what everyone would think reasonable amounts of contact are, and how to go about this sort of situation.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 23/09/2024 15:57

Hi OP, what is “reasonable” really depends on what he/you want, and what lengths he’d go to in order to get it.

Has he said how much contact he wants?

SauviGone · 23/09/2024 16:03

I made an effort to make plans for him to see her more than once but he let the plans down as he wasn’t in a good way

Why are you trying to push contact with a coke head who clearly isn't that arsed?

You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of making excuses for a deadbeat dad to your disappointed child, when he's let her down yet again.

Tell him if he wants contact to take you to court. Spoiler alert - he won't.

ivyrosee · 23/09/2024 19:04

Mrsttcno1 · 23/09/2024 15:57

Hi OP, what is “reasonable” really depends on what he/you want, and what lengths he’d go to in order to get it.

Has he said how much contact he wants?

Hey he usually says he wants to see her every single day but isn’t able to stick to it either because of work or because he’s just ‘busy’. Or just tells me he’s coming out of no where! I am happy with some evenings out of the week I just want to be able to know exactly when he will be coming

OP posts:

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Favouritefruits · 23/09/2024 19:08

I’d be getting some evidence together regards to drugs and not sticking to arrangements. Then refusing contact until he knocks the drugs on the head. I’d be nice as pie till I had what I needed!

ivyrosee · 23/09/2024 19:08

SauviGone · 23/09/2024 16:03

I made an effort to make plans for him to see her more than once but he let the plans down as he wasn’t in a good way

Why are you trying to push contact with a coke head who clearly isn't that arsed?

You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of making excuses for a deadbeat dad to your disappointed child, when he's let her down yet again.

Tell him if he wants contact to take you to court. Spoiler alert - he won't.

I didnt know he was doing coke until this weekend, he is extremely manipulative and made out I was restricting him from seeing her so I set up some dates which he didn’t stick to. And I agree that’s what I keep thinking about, when she starts to understand what’s going on it’s going to be even more difficult. Thank you

OP posts:
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