My little boy is almost 10 months old. My family have barely bothered with him since he has been born.
When my sister had her little girl 4 years ago I supported her as much as I could as her partner works away. Took her shopping, to hospital appointments, babysat and went over at least once a week to help her out. My mum also brought her lots of things and took her shopping etc. I threw my sister a baby shower. I was babysitting my niece up until I gave birth. I absolutely love spending time with my niece and she was really excited to meet her new cousin.
For background, me and my mum have always had a difficult relationship. She has never respected my boundaries, and is quite clearly a narcissist. She tells lies and has tried to create issues between me and my sister.
When I got pregnant I had no support off my mum or sister. No one took my shopping, or offered to throw me a baby shower. I barely had any gifts off them either. My mums excuse was she was being redundant around the time I was due and that she had no money. But my parents had money for a holiday? Even when my in-laws took me out for afternoon tea my side did nothing.
Baby boy was born and they all came over to meet him. That was it, didn’t see anyone then again for about 3-4 weeks. My mum now not working, my sister lives around the corner from me and my dad drives past my house to get to and from work never bothered. I had the odd text off my parents but that was it. I found out that my mum phoned my sister multiple times a week and visits her and does stuff at weekends with her, yet we are never invited or they don’t make contact with us. I used to make the effort with them, but I started to get lied to. My sister would cancel plans with me, giving a really rubbish excuse but then I would find out she had gone out with my mum instead. My mum would ignore most messages I would send, in the end I stopped sending messages or trying to arrange to meet up and I never heard off them.
A few months ago it was my sisters birthday, but we couldn’t go because my little boy and partner had Covid. That was on the Thursday. They then decided that they were going out on the Sunday. I said I would have to let them know because of Covid, and I assumed by then I would test positive. On the Saturday my partner had planned months ago to go out with his friends. I had no issues with this. He had had 2 negative tests and was clearly better. Little boy was still testing positive and was ok, but more whingy than normal. I explained I wouldn’t be coming on the family day out for this reason. Family some how found out that partner had gone out. My mum rang me a few days later, and stated had they have known partner was going away then they would have taken my baby out with them for the day, as they know I have no support. Not sure where they have gotten this from? I have plenty of support just not from them, and they certainly wouldn’t have taken baby as he had Covid.
Didn’t hear off them again for a month till it was mums birthday. Mum is a smoker and will happily smoke around others. She knows my views on smoking, I don’t care if she does it, but she is not to do it around my little boy and she can’t hold him if she’s been smoking as she smells of smoke. She promised me that she no longer smokes in the house, so we went to visit at her house rather than meeting somewhere else. The few times I have seen her she has slowly started to push my boundaries for my baby. Got to her house and she has clearly just had a cigarette in her kitchen. It’s fresh and strong smell. Didn’t say anything, and she straightaway expected to hold baby. Explained baby was now on the move and would rather be on the floor. She wasn’t happy. She will always go on about how much she loves my son, and that my dad can’t wait to see him and I just want to scream at her ‘well make the effort to see him then’.
We had just come back from a holiday in Wales about 2 hours away from where we live. She explained they were going to come and visit us for the weekend, just one night but had decided not to in the end because they would rather go to Spain a week later. But she had gone on a day out with my sister and niece that weekend, probably spent the same amount of money she would have spent on a trip to wales.
They never phone or text when they are home, but the minute they go on an abroad holiday they video call to show how much of a good time they are having etc. When she rang last night I just ignored it because I don’t care about their holiday.
I’m so hurt by my families behaviour. I know I need to talk to them, but when I’ve confronted my mum before it ends in her lying her way out, denying what’s happened. Last time she didn’t speak to me for 8 months. I’m not bothered about that, but I don’t want this sort of behaviour in my son’s life and I can’t see her changing her ways now.
What would you do?