How long did it take your toddler to settle in nursery

[K2012]

Hi

FTM and need some advice. Son is 2 years and 4 months old and started nursery last week. The first 3 days were settle in days for an hour, I stayed with him the first day. The second day I left him and he wouldn’t stop crying (literally cried so much that he wouldn’t stop and when they gasp for air) I was waiting in the reception so the nursery worker brought him to me because he kept crying. The third day I left him again and he still cried but she said he was a bit better, still cried on/off but played there a bit.

Today was the first day and I’ve never seen him cry so much when I left him. I called the nursery about half an hour after and she said he was still crying on/off didn’t want to eat and was just very upset.

To start with he’s going 2 mornings.. I know it’s early days but I’m about to give up. Initially I wanted him to wait to start nursery till he turns 3 but then we thought he needs to start getting used to other children/people and he doesn’t talk yet so I was hoping it’d help him to go nursery. But it broke my heart seeing him today and I don’t know if I made the right decision. When I picked him up he cried and ran towards me.

Do I give it a few more weeks or what can you recommend? Thank you in advance.

If ypu don't need the nursery for childcare I'd stop going for now and try again when he's 3. If his speech is behind then nursery would help, but you could use playgroups instead (the ones where a parent stays) as that would give him some exposure to social interaction.

My DD is around the same age and has just settled into nursery OK, but we had quite a long settling period (staying within the building for 7 days) and she also attended a playgroup run on the nursery site for a year, so she was already familiar with the staff and setting. If there is anything like that on the nursery site (toddler groups or stay and play sessions) I'd make use of them as it makes it all familiar.

both DP and I work full time, so DS has been in childcare since he was 9 mths old. The first nursery he absolutely hated, cried the entire time. We took him out of there within a month, and he moved to a childminder, where he absolutely blossomed for a year. He's never liked big crowds, and is more comfortable with adults than chaotic children, so we looked for a nursery that suited him. He's been there since January and absolutely loves it (he's 2.5 now). Runs it without a backward glances, all smiles at pick up, full of stories (mostly about peanut butter, my little weirdo) 😂

Every child is different, and how quickly they adapt is also different. Like PPs have said, maybe start with a smaller setting like a playgroup and work your way up?

I was in the same position as you a couple of months ago. I decided to pull my child out after the first week as it was affecting her behaviour at all times not just when doing drop off/ pick up. She became withdrawn and had lots of tantrums which she didn’t before and hasn’t had since I stopped her going.

I am going to hopefully send her to preschool next sept after she has turned 3 so she can get used to it for school the following September. In the last few weeks I’ve noticed her starting to show interest in other children which she hasn’t before, so hoping she’s going to really enjoy it when she’s 3.

I think 2 is a really hard age to start them at nursery. They’re very aware they’re being left but don’t have any understanding why. I haven’t regretted pulling her out at all despite not having any alone time and having to put my work on the back burner for longer.

Thank you for all the replies and advice 👍🏻

My DD is 2 and a half. We felt that she needs the socialisation & I need some extra time as I work and study, so like yourself decided on 2 mornings.

We started her the beginning of Sept. Only had 1 settle in so her first morning was a shock. We had a lot of tantrums, and when I went to pick her up I could hear her asking if her mummy was coming back 😭. She gives a sort of false cry now but is settling down a bit at drop off. She has always been happy enough when I go to collect her. I've noticed big emotions though like Pp said and she's having a lot more tantrums, waking up during the night etc.. unsure if it's related or not!

feel terrible as it's not really necessary and I'm unsure if she's ready for it. She'd be due to start next August. Will give it to Christmas & see how it goes 😅

My DD is 3, non verbal. Started her at nursery mornings as she turned 2.
1-2 weeks was difficult, she cried a lot, one day I picked her up early as they messaged me to say she was upset.

I was considering pulling her out but selfishly I needed the time away from her and she did settle.

She loves bubbles so they did bubbles which was a great distraction for her.

What helped us was saying goodbye to her before we got there, then handover was done fast. She would walk in and I would go.

These days she runs in happily.

I’d give it a couple of weeks especially if he’s part time to allow him time to get used to it. He might settle and love it! But if he doesn’t then I don’t think it would be the worse thing if you pulled him out again until he’s 3+ for the preschool year and did playgroups and speech therapy instead.

At home are you explaining what happens at nursery? I find telling my son about things ahead of time gives him some level of expectation, and you need to do it initially when he's in a secure place and feeling comfortable. So, "tomorrow's a nursery day! Mummy will leave you at nursery so you can play with the other boys and girls for a little while, then Mummy will pick you up again and we'll have a lovely snack at home". Reinforce this on drop off, but you need to lay the groundwork when he's calm

Saying that, with the level of upset you describe I'd be tempted to pull him out until he's a bit older. Crying on drop off but settling after is normal and expected, but staying upset is particularly heartbreaking.

I saw a huge leap of social development in my son in the months leading up to his third birthday.