Has anyone else had an 'easy' 1st baby and difficult 2nd? HOW do you cope!!!?

[peggotty]

I must have made some kind of pact with the devil when I had dd because she was so easy, but I am paying for it now! My ds is 13 weeks and has spent about 10.5 of them crying! I am coping better than I was at the beginning but life just feels like a hard slog with not much enjoyment atm. Basically, my day consists of getting through til bedtime My dd is suffering as well because ds takes up so much of my time. He has a horrible cough and is teething at the moment so his misery level is cranked up to maximum. I heard so much about how 2nd babies just slot into your life so easily and because you can't give them as much attention they learn not to expect it blah blah blah - what a crock! Typically, 2 good friends also had babies around the same time as i had ds, and their babies are so chilled out whilst my ds insists of being held all the time or simply whinging! When does it get easier??

Yes, DS2 was much harder than DS1 and I was in despair a lot of the time.

Sounds like you need some real life extra pairs of hands. Any chance?

Not really, dh works, family live far away. Itry to see friends as much as possible as it's always better out of the house, but that's only 2 or 3 times a week - not enough really! did it get easier for you janni?

Hi Peggotty, (apart from the above) I hope you are all well.

My sister had this, her ds was a dream and her dd was a nightmare. She swears if she had had her dd first, she would never have had a second!

I don't think she found a magic cure, but a sling helped her a lot. Also, when her dd was kicking off she would use her ds as a little helper for getting nappies and generaly amusing his sister. This kept her eldest busy and involved, which he was happy with and made by sis feel better about neglecting him a little.

my dd1 was a dream but dd2 a compltely different story and even now, she'll be 2 in 2wks time

at 15 or 16wks my dh sat with a dummy until she took it, was a life saver, dd1 never needed one

it will get easier and you will find yourself enjoying him more and more I promise

can't have been too bad as now expecting dc3

Hi Iliketomoveit!
Still bf-ing after all my angst about that, so am pleased about that! DS can be lovely - really smiley etc when he's well. I have to remember he's not feeling great just now and can only express this by crying... ALL THE TIME!!!

DD wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, but ds has been a million times more difficult. Sounds a lot like yours, except even bedtime brings no relief-he barely sleeps!

My ds drives me loopy

He was a pretty good baby, but toddler? nightmare! just a typical boy really though, climbing, eating stuff he shouldn't, usual stuff.

I always joke and say if ds would have been 1st, he would have been an only child, dd was and still is a very easy child, no trouble at all.

I thought I was a perfect mother as my dd was so good, and no trouble. Then when she was 2.5 I had ds1 and it turned out I had just been very lucky with dd.

He did eventually stop whinging and needing to be held, but looking back I know it was great that my parents could take dd out for a afternoon sometimes, and I also enrolled her for 3 mornings a week in a playschool. I felt so guilty because she missed out on attention due to demanding brother, but it did get better by about 3 months. I know it's hard to ask friends to help out if they have young children, but it will be for a short time only and having someone just to take dd out for a few hours would help you a lot.

I had dd2 when dd1 was 15 months. DD2 ws 5 before I was ready to have my next!

The first year of dd2s life is a bit hazy, tbh. She cried day and night for 8 months
I had a good friend who visited once a week, and held her for me, but my lifesaver was to go out every day. I was on first name terms with the library staff, and all the local shops knew me. She settled in the buggy when we were out, so I joined every parent and toddler group I could find, and walked for miles.

It does get easier (although dd2 will always be high maintenance imo), but for now, just do whatever helps.

My dd1 was an angel, slept for 4 hours woke for a feed and then straight back to sleep. Dd2 was nocternal, refused to let me comfort her and would only sleep if dp rocked her. In short she was a nightmare, even now at 3 she is completely different to dd1 and has only just started going to bed in her own bed alone. She is improving though and has improved 100% since dd3 was born. Dd3 is like dd1 and very easy, im now pregnant with dc4 so fingers crossed it will be a good one!

Oh, yes, Potoftea - I thought I had done something special when dd1 was so easy. I honestly thought other people were exaggeraing when they coplained about finding looking after a baby difficult
Dd2 was my punishment for being smug.

She is now (at 7) the most affectionate and adorable child I could wish for, and I really wouldn't change a thing.

Choklit, you make a lot of sense! A lot of it is just that I had forgotten what hard work babies are - some of the stuff my ds is doing I can remember dd doing so she wasn't that perfect really, I think I just have rose-tinted specs to a certain extent. I am trying to accept that he is very much a different baby to dd but in the earlier weeks I was in such denial about it and fought it - got myself in a real state about it!
He is good a night - for which I am truely grateful!

Mine was the other way round (DS quite demanding and Dd very placcid). In some ways that was difficult although I had just assumed DS was normal so expected DD to be the same (and was plesantly surprised). But I did find it hard work with a baby and a demanding toddler.

My first was a 'perfect baby' - well after the first few weeks - no 2 was brill for 1st few weeks and then a nightmare as he just did not sleep and needed holding most of day. I was completely drained and ragged.

But things DO get better - it takes time and of course different challenges and different pleasures at different ages. Good advice here from Choklit I think.

Oh God yes, it's RUBBISH about 2nd babies just slotting in. DS (7 mo) is a bit of a nightmare and I didn't realise how easy DD (5yo) was as a baby until I had DS! I feel very sad that I amlmost wishing away his babyhood, as he is going to be out last baby, but that's just how it is - some babies are just little nightmares and you just have to accept it! It's all about finding ways to survive day-to-day, for me. And yes it's all about getting through the day until bedtime for me too! The good (?) thing is that 2nd babies whizz by and grow so fast that it really won't seem like long before things start to improve. It seems like just a few weeks ago that we were wishing he'd hurry up and get to 8 weeks old so that we could give him some colic drops and now he's almost 7.5 months old! And agree with previous poster that slings are your best friend