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Parenting

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Social services and dv

7 replies

Chubbachubs · 23/09/2024 01:32

Hi all I’m really worried and need some advice, before I found out I was pregnant I had a few
alterations with my ex partner which was reported to the police by the time it was reported to the police I found out I was pregnant. With that the police sent a referral to social services, my ex partner went on bail for the incident since having my social worker I feel like he’s trying to find anything to take my baby away I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and he made me feel judged for buying things for my baby, referring ne to parenting classes and mother and baby groups in a way making me feel forced into going. And asking me questions how I’m planning on raising my child etc I stated to him how I felt about the questions being irrelevant given the report was made on domestic violence which occurred before I was pregnant and there was no child harmed (obviously) so I don’t see why I’m being asked about how I am going to parent and attended parenting classes. It’s putting me under a lot of pressure and making me feel some what depressed as I have the constant fear there going to take my child away I’ve had 3 meeting with my social worker already and no progress has been made apart from signing a safety plan stating I won’t be in contact with my ex partner, the social worker keep bring up words saying if I don’t do what they advice it will be escalated I personally feel like there handling ut the wrong way given the incidents occurred before I was pregnant. I just really want some advice if anyone has been through a similar situation to this please as I’m really down at the moment
thank you for listening

OP posts:
suki1964 · 23/09/2024 01:44

AND BREATHE

I know your hormones being all other the place are making you feel fragile, but look at this from an outsiders POV

You were referred because of DV - on more then one occasion by how your post is worded

Now SS have an expectant mum to advise and look out for

How would it be for them, if they hadn't put the work in to get you every ounce of support available to you, and you, without the support and imput, went back to him, and 3 months later we are reading that "lessons will be learned"?

Yeah its shit being parented by professionals, they are clumsy and not exactly forthcoming with their why's and wherefores, but do try and understand they are not only trying their best to help you, they are also doing what they can to protect themselves

Pinenuts91 · 23/09/2024 02:09

It's pre birth assessment stuff, they have to ask. They will do a plan before signing you off usually seeing what support you have in place when they step back.

I had a history of medical issues so whatever reason they're there they still have same tick box.

When they ask parenting plans, I think they are checking you can make educated decision and able to safeguard your baby.

They won't take your baby, social is usually there for support. They can help with housing, funding, access to different services and often children with disabilities are under them for support, it's not just the scary stuff.

I know it's worrysome, especially at a vulnerable time, being defensive won't help you, but I understand, whenever you hear "social services" the assumption we all initially make is the bad stuff, I was horrified 😅

Tell them how you feel, I did and the lady reassured me and explained how it worked, the different stages in social care and how to have a child taken its at the highest level, goes through court and your notified of everything. The first stage we were at and I'm guessing you are, it's literally assessing for support so you all thrive and planning for what could go wrong to ensure it doesn't. (My case I get ill and the child's plan during that, and yours if your ex harrases you or comes back and how to ensure your both safe)

I did get discriminated against due to it at one point but they sorted it out straight away and had my back. So do express concerns with them, they are very proactive and hate the brush they are tarred with so will be more then happy to alleviate your worry.

Edingril · 23/09/2024 03:21

It's not about you but your child if your child's parents won't do what is best for them an overworked and overused system like social services will have to pick up the pieces

Think of it as them putting your child first it is not all about you

Toddlerteaplease · 23/09/2024 05:03

Their actions seem completely appropriate to me. Exposing a child To DV is not acceptable and is considered as abusive. They have to safeguard your child, if you won't.

GuestFeatu · 23/09/2024 05:18

The fact that the DV occurred before you got pregnant is irrelevant to the risk of it happening again after the baby is born, which if you get back with the father will be high. They are assessing your capacity to be protective and keep the baby safe. As long as you are genuinely honestly separated from the father and follow advice about safe contact for the baby then they can't and won't want to take your baby away. Are there any other issues at play? You don't have to answer here but if there are worries about your mental health, previous relationships/children or drug or alcohol issues for either parent that will make the assessment more thorough.

AceofPentacles · 23/09/2024 06:44

My first thought is that your ex partner has a history of DV with their ex partners and SS want to be sure you are not getting back together/know how to choose a healthy relationship in future, bearing in mind the bad effects dv has on babies and children

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 23/09/2024 07:08

They are doing exactly as they should.

They are supporting you to make sure you will be capable of safeguarding your child and preventing their exposure to DV.

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