Help! I'm struggling with my FIL's overwhelming obsession with my baby.

[Bigmommax]

Help! I'm struggling with my FIL's overwhelming obsession with my baby.

Since my little one was born, my FIL has been hard work. We went on a family holiday, and it was honestly the worst trip ever. He didn't give us a moment of space. I had to ask him multiple times to stop distracting the baby while I was trying to feed her. He insisted on holding the stroller while I was pushing, and every time I stepped away, even just to use the bathroom or take a walk, he would ask the rest of the family where I was. Whenever I handed the baby to him, he'd disappear for hours and refused to come back when I asked him to sit with everyone.

The issue is, my husband doesn’t seem to think there's anything wrong with this behaviour, but I’m at my breaking point. Even the baby seems to be getting frustrated, constantly pushing him away and wanting some peace. I feel like I haven’t been assertive enough from the start, and now it’s out of control.

I really need this to stop, but I want to address it without causing a fallout with the whole family. What’s the best way to approach this delicately?

I would 100% trust your gut on this and put some strict boundaries in place, reading your post made me feel very uncomfortable.

It's not normal....

I wouldn't allow unsupervised contact at all.

Massive red flags here. I think you need to distance yourself

"Whenever I handed the baby to him, he'd disappear for hours and refused to come back when I asked him to sit with everyone."

The fuck???

I would talk to your Health Visitor and get some advice on how to safeguard your daughter. His behaviour is obsessive and could be considered grooming.

Where would he go for hours? His behaviour sounds extreme.

Is there any trauma history eg he had a child who was injured/died hence his over protectiveness. Is he married to your mil? Any thoughts from her. This isn't normal

What do you mean "gone for hours?" He would just leave and then return? Did no one else question this as being extremely weird at the time??

What? A new overly keen grandad being named as a groomer is a horrible leap. Jesus.

His behaviour does sound odd. What do you mean, disappears with her 'for hours'? Where to?

I think firm boundaries are needed here. Even if your FIL is just super enthusiastic about his grandchild, it's still to an inappropriate extent that is affecting your child's relationship with you as parents.

Could you discuss this with your health visitor and get them to explain to your husband from an objective point of view why this isn't acceptable or in your child's best interests?

I think for the boundaries needed it's going to be about you both being clear on your expectations and what is and isn't acceptable going forwards.

Had a similar issue with my BIL which I posted about on here. The longer you leave it the harder it will be so nip this in the bud as soon as you can. Explain to your husband the impact this is having on you. And if it causes a fall out then so be it your priority needs to be you and your baby. In my case it did cause a massive falling out but it means I have been given the space to enjoy motherhood and continuing building a bond with my baby without the stress and interference. Looking back I can't believe I even entertained this behaviour and even now thinking about it makes me so angry. I am glad I spoke up and did right by my baby. Hope this helps and wishing you all the best!

You let him take the baby for hours? Where?

Disappear for hours?! What the fuck?

I really need this to stop, but I want to address it without causing a fallout with the whole family. What’s the best way to approach this delicately?

I wouldn't give a fuck about approaching this delicately or not causing fallout. I'd be telling them straight that the next time he tries to take the baby out of your sight will be the last time he sees them. There's no way on God's green earth anyone but ANYONE would be taking my baby out my sight without my express permission. And if they don't like it they can get to fuck.

Whenever I handed the baby to him, he'd disappear for hours and refused to come back when I asked him to sit with everyone.

Do you mean literally away for hours? Or just that he was playing with baby and not sitting with the group? Because if you were able to speak to him to ask him to sit with everyone I guess he wasn’t actually away.

It’s just that there is a really big difference!

Ah the mumsnet detectives are the finest! The op hasn’t helped with her vague post. My dad loved it when I came round with my babies. He has more in common with my son now they are all older and yes they head off to the tv to watch any sport the second I get to theirs!

There was a post here yesterday where mum had zero energy for her child and just wanted to stick him in nursery. This was met by a lot of agreement. It’s beyond people that some adults don’t mind playing with and entertaining little ones.

My DS GF is rather clumsily with boundaries.
I think it depends on how long you've known them.
Surely if it's been a while you can just say 'give him back' or 'I need a bit of space'.
How supportive is your OH?

Whenever I handed the baby to him, he'd disappear for hours and refused to come back

Do you actually mean that he went out of eyesight for hours and you had no idea of their location?
Because this would be concerning if true.

This is just too weird. You've got call a family meeting and sort this out ASAP. You can be gentle with your words, but you've got stay firm with your stance.