Partner isn't treating our second baby the same

[August21yellowbaby]

We have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. Both boys. My partner has been obsessed with our eldest from the moment he was born. But he's not showing any of that with our second. I noticed it very quickly but thought I needed to give it some time and see how it works out.

If our baby is getting upset lay on his mat or in his jumperoo and I'm in the kitchen my partner won't go and pick him up, he still hasn't bathed him, he never gives him a bottle, holds him for about 5 minutes a day, some days he hasn't held him at all.

He doesn't say hello to him when he comes home from work or goodnight to him when I'm taking him up to bed

I need to know if this is going to get better, because I can't stay with him if he's going to treat our children differently. I've tried to talk to him about it and he just uses excuses like "he's just a baby"

Has anyone else been through similar ?

My situation is vice verca, DH is sweet and caring with the 1 YO and stern and firm wirh almost 4 YO…He is repeating same pattern his father displayed to him and his brothers, almost as once you’re not a baby anymore and start being a boy, I am treating you like a man (with all testosteron,rivarly, little to no emotion, no talk just act kind of 200 years ago approach)…The baby is not much as 3or 4 YO, aware of many things such attention and attitude, even though both our situations are not ideal, I would honnesrly prefer my DH to have special time and care to older child who will sense and appreciate it far more, than to a baby who is happy with their mum in these first stages..

Hi @August21yellowbaby we were ina similar situation and I particularly noticed that even when baby was upset my husband wasn’t going to get her. He hadn’t seemed as enthusiastic about giving her a bottle (I breastfeed) or learning how to help her sleep.
i mentioned it to him a few times and he said he would be more interactive once little one was more interactive herself. Of course that makes little sense but I left it for a bit. When she was 7 months I asked my husband to see a doctor or therapist as I felt perhaps he was having PND or some form of disengagement. Tbh he didn’t seek help but he did some self help and started to actively change and thankfully by 9 months he had really developed a bond. She is now almost one and it’s lovely.
my point being unless you call it out and say it in a concerned way that you’re concerned about his bond, engagement, perhaps even look up depression in men postnatal. I found concern and empathy got the response rather than frustration at his lack of engagement.