Sleep - nearly 7 year old

[Mumofone1xx]

Hi all, I am having a really tough time. I am a single mum to my nearly 7 year old daughter. We moved house nearly 2 months ago. Since little, I have always put her to bed in her room and the majority of the time she will climb into my bed at some point during the night. I haven't minded this until recently where it has caused issues when staying at my sisters or her staying at mine and it has taken hours to get my daughter to sleep. Two weekends ago, we were staying at my sisters, she even got to share a room with her cousin and it took hours and me nearly driving her home in the middle of the night (25 min drive, but my phone was dead). And i get no time with my sister. Since moving, I have really been trying to get her to sleep in her own room. She got a lovely new cabin bed which she begged for and some nights she has done really well, but many it has taken hours in the night. Tonight she woke up at 3, I have spent the last 2 and a half hours walking her back to her room, staying with her trying to see if she sleeps and she is still awake and currently sitting outside my door. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired. Earlier in the week my friend who I haven't seen in a year as she was travelling was staying over and my daughter would not sleep. I spent ages bringing her up to bed and waiting with her. She screamed and refused to go to bed. Kept getting out of bed and refusing to go back, and me having to try bring her to bed which just doesn't work. Same when my sister stayed a couple weeks ago. I don't know what to do anymore. I want her to feel comfortable sleeping alone, I have tried everything. I want to be able to stay at my sisters and vice versa or if we have someone stay over, and actually get time with them. She has a yoto, a nightlight, a bunch of teddies. I'm exhausted and it's definitely affecting our bond. I've ended up in tears in the middle of the night about it. And I just feel like the worst mum, and that me trying to get her to sleep alone is like rejection to her. Does anyone have any advice :(

My son crawled into bed with me until he was 11. Single mum also. I let him because us both sleeping seemed like the healthiest option.

My ds has trauma, I'm wondering if the move has caused her some anxiety?

Does she her Dad? Are any other things going on?

Hi, thank you for your comment. It was the same before the move when I have tried in the past so I don't think it's that. She sees her dad and they have a good relationship. Nothing else is going on.

I didn't mind it, until it's become an issue where I can't get anytime with family/friends in the evenings because she won't sleep and gets massive fomo. To me then it didn't feel healthy that she would literally not go to sleep and like tonight is still awake since 3am and that I need to do something about it for both of us.

Gotcha. So she won't even sleep in your bed when guests are over?

She would happily sleep in my bed. She would sleep in my bed in our old place when my sister stayed over, but now she has her cabin bed my sister stayed in with me. But I don't even get an evening when my sister stays over or we go there as she takes forever to go to sleep. As a single mum doing it all alone 99% of the time (dad lives in Ireland) I spend most evenings alone so it's really gotten to me that I can't even have time with my sister on an evening if we/she stays over. That's what's got me feeling something needs to change. I dont feel its healthy for either of us anymore that it's gotten to this level of dependence where it's taken over 3 hours tonight to get her back to sleep in her own room.

Could she understand if related to her? I want time with my friend/sister like you like time with your friends and maybe a reward of having a friend over if she leaves you in peace or she loses the chances to do an activity she likes if she doesn’t. My six year old is just starting to get there with the fact that we have needs too but does need it spelled out to her.

I have explained this to her a few times, and when my friend was over earlier in the week she was told if she doesn't go back to bed she will have an early night the next night, meaning no playing out with the neighbours. But it didn't help at all :(

I sympathise a lot.

I've got an 11 year old with ADHD and ASD and she has always needed melatonin to get to sleep.

It's only really in the last 6 months that she's been able to go to bed, get to sleep reasonably quickly and not wake up (and she does do a crazy early wake once in a while, like 4am, but fortunately no longer needs us to get up).

I'm not armchair diagnosing your DD nor am I suggesting medication.

What I'm saying is there's a wide range of normal and sometimes you have to do what works, especially if you're on your own.

If you're single, how would you feel about twin beds in your room while you get her into more regular sleep habits?

Or whatever solution gets her asleep. Even if that's abandoning the cabin bed for the moment.

Are you sure she likes it? Is it scary in some way? DD has had a couple of beds she didn't get on with. One was a high sleeper she found too high, for instance.