Younger brother outshining older brother

[unknownrebelbang]

How do you help your child to deal with a younger sibling being "better" at things than they are?

All three boys are quite close in age, and DS2/DS3 are presently in the same class, (different years - small school) and occasionally this becomes an issue.

DS2 struggles academically, but doesn't help himself with his attitude either sometimes (takes longer to get him sit down to do his homework than it takes to complete it, etc) and DS3 is a grafter who just gets on with it.

DS1 doesn't help in the equation either, because he tends to do well generally, seemingly without putting much effort in.

Any suggestions?

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has ds2 mentioned anything about ds3 seeming to find things easier?
if not then I wouldn't do anything- it's just the way he is. don't make an issue if there isn't one there already.

I know it's very hard not to compare siblings, but I don't think it's a very helpful way of looking at it iyswim? it doesn't matter how well either of his brothers do, you need to see him as an individual and give him help if he needs it, but not just because his siblings seem to do better.

does that make any sense???

if he has mentioned it, or seems to have an issue with it then I think you need to sit down and have a chat about it. Ask him open questions, and try not to put words in his mouth (ie, do you find it hard because of xyz?)
ask him if there is anything he finds difficult etc etc and then see if you can both brainstorm to come up with ideas that may help him
(ie, how can we help you sit down and do your homework?)

I started a thread along these lines a few weeks (then again prob months) ago..
general advice was that we should try to focus on what each one's good at or tries hard / enjoys doing, and that's working quite well for us. there's almost 3yrs difference between the two of ours in question and DS2 is going to catch and pass DS1 in reading in the not-too-distant future. They are totally different personalities and abilities, as well as a reasonable age gap so we can really capitalise on their different strengths, but know that there are things that they enjoy doing together or we all enjoy as a family.
Blardy difficult, innit?

thisis, it is very much an issue for DS2, not me and DH, we do our utmost not to compare them, and obviously DS2 has many strengths which he is praised to the hilt for.

Headteacher/class teacher both very aware of the situation and also do their utmost within school. Downside of this is occasionally DS3 doesn't get the praise he deserves because of the sensitivity of DS2.

gigglewitch, it's a blardy nightmare at times, especially at the moment with them both being in the same class.

All three lads are very different in personality/temperament, and we do try to distinguish and praise their different strengths.

Will have a dig for that thread too, thanks.

have been hunting - really can't find it
it was probably yonkers ago and in chat or some such so has vanished without a trace.

The thing that upsets me with my boys is that ds2 doesn't get the praise he deserves - he is really bright and is doing fantastically well in reading, all because we know that ds1 is dyslexic (but both boys are unaware of it atm) so is pretty poor at reading even though he tries really hard and we do a lot with him. DS2 seems to have practically taught himself in comparison.

Thanks anyway.

Yes, sometimes DS2 has so much attention, but DS3 doesn't always understand why.

We have this.

Ds1 is 7.
DD is 4.

DD can read far and ahead better than Ds1 could do at 4 and reads his books too.The other day she was reading A Roald Dahl book.

That's quite impressive (for DD).

Slightly wider age gap with your two though, mine are very close, only one school year apart, and currently in the same class, which sort of magnifies the situation.

I have a friend whose children are 18 months apart and also in the same class and the girl (younger one) is a better reader iirc.

I don't know how you manage it mine are going to similar I think - DS1 is 18 months older, but ds2 is catching him up. And to compound it ds3 is twins with ds2 and is probably not quite as fast as ds2.

I am 14 months younger than my brother - and I remember him complaining to me the I found things so much easier than he did. I am not sure what if anything my parents did. But I will say I think my brother learned to apply himself more - and probably as a result has had a much more "successful" career and is now in a much more demanding and rewarding job.

One thing I became aware of is that it was better the he was before me (actually 2 academic years) because he got to things first, had a chance to get through them in his own way before any comparisons were made with me. I think it would have been much harder if it had been the other way round.

Presumably there will be times when they are not in the same class and hopefully then your DS2 will be able to build his confidence in his own abilities.

We have a similar situation, my first two dds are 17 months apart, consecutive school years. dd2 is at least at the same level academically as dd1, and clearly far more academic overall. They'll be in the same class next year (small village school).

dd1 does OK at school but certainly not fantastically. dd2 is ahead of her class. dd2 is as big as dd1 too, and probably will be taller than her soon as she's growing faster so dd1 is really going to seem like her younger sister soon.

I do worry about it a bit but dd1 isn't very competitive, she drifts along in a world of her own. I am hoping she doesn't really notice or mind that dd2 is as good or better than her. It might become very obvious in the same class though.

We do emphasise different things people are good at - dd1 is more musical. better with animals. more sensitive. etc. And we try not to be too concerned about academic achievement - we don't go on about SATS results for instance, or make a big deal about reports. because if you directly compare them it's too obvious.

You shouldn't make it an issue. My younger brother was constantly compared to me at school, to the extent my parents moved him.

Throckenholt I think the two school years would make a difference (or even separate years in a bigger school) tbh.

DS3 is the one who applies himself, DS2 gets by on his charm, lol.

DS2 will be in secondary in September, so that should help, with regard to his brother anyway.

It is more noticeable when they've been int he same class (every other year - yr 2, 4 and 6). Yr 2 wasn't so noticeable tbh, but yr 4 (DS3 in yr3) was. It hadn't been too bad this year, but something away from school kicked off the issue this time.

People often think DS2 and DS3 are twins, and DS3 is about to overtake DS2 heightwise (he's been heavier (broader) for a while.

We emphasise different things too, and encourage all three to do different activities.

TDWP - it already is an issue!

We do our utmost not to compare them, and staff at school are also very good at not comparing them, so much so that often DS3 is jealous because of all the extra attention he thinks DS2 gets (extra help in the classroom, more time spent with DS2 trying to get him to do his homework, etc etc). At 9 he doesn't quite understand.

Plus the children aren't daft, they work out who's where within the class pretty early on.

Forgot to say, I wouldn't move either of them - the school is a good school, and the boys are happy there.

Any other thoughts anyone?

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