I just can't stop thinking about this tonight, I feel so bad about it

[emkana]

I don't know why it's suddenly come to the surface, but I just need to get it off my chest - again, mentioned it on another thread I started tonight.

When I was pregnant with ds I was often truly truly awful to dd2, who was only about 2.6 at the time. Dd1 was in school so didn't have to experience the full extent of my misery so much, but dd2 was at home with me full time so unfortunately she saw it all.

I feel terrible about thsi. She is 4.8 now and seems a happy, reasonably well-adjusted child. Do you think there might be some underlying damage I have caused?

i had the best advice from my dental hygienist this week. it was 'forget the past, just look to the future'.

Emkana, I did the same thing to dd.

I treated her awfully as my hormones was all over the place. She was about 2.4 at the time & when she was about 4 she went through a really bad temper tantrum phase & I blamed it on the way I treated her when pg with ds

I mean I yelled at her, made her sleep when she wasn't tired so I could have a nap

I regret it all the time too.

Sorry you're feeling so bad about this tonight! Parenting and guilt often go hand in hand.

I do remember reading from my child psyhology days that it's not so much the situations and events in a child's life that can negatively affect them, but the way these situations and events are dealt with afterwards and the security and love the child continues to recieve. If she seems a happy well adjusted child then she *IS& a happy well-adjusted child. Children of this age can't fake that.

Hope you feel better soon.

Emkana, I saw your other thread.
I really wish you would stop torturing yourself about everything and anything.
You are a lovely mother. Your concern adn sensitivity and fierce maternal instinct shine through every single post of yours about your lovely children.

Listen,life is such that sometmies we are mean and short with the people we love. In turn the people who love us can be mean and short with us.It is part and parcel of the daily grind. As mothers we are conditioned to feel bad about everything and we do.

I regularly crucify myself with thoguht of how I may have ignored the emotional and educational needs of my language impaired dd while runnig around as a salt and tending to everyone else's children. And yet I know that it is irrational.

I love them, they know I do,I do my best for them and sometmies I am a miserble selfish bitch.

It's not a criminal offence.

Everyone else has said it much better than I can - but I would like to add that your care and concern for your child shines through your story.

Thanks everyone, it can be difficult at times to know whether to bang on about things on MN and come across as rather needy and tortured, which I can assure you I am not that much in RL, but on the other hand it's very helpful to have such kind comments, at least it helps me to put things into perspective, so again: Thank you

Message withdrawn

I get these feelings of "oh those precious few years of dd2 being this small and they were ruined to some extent by the misery that I felt" and that gets me down, even though I can try and look at it rationally and see that it's not all that bad.

I think every last one of us has those Em.

Me too. Was vile to my dd and still am sometimes as I struggle with my ds (13weeks) who is a demanding baby. The guilt is horrible isn't it? But if you are usually a good mum (i've no doubt you are) then these occasions when you shout etc will not be remembered and will not affect her in the long run.

This kind of guilt can go along with depression. We all have guilty feelings about our children from time to time, but when it starts getting catastrophic (e.g."might I have caused some underlying damage?") or obsessive, that's a red flag. Like moondog says, some of your other threads seem similarly self-flagellating. Maybe look into some treatment because you don't want your guilt/negativity to get in the way of enjoying your children now. We've all made mistakes with our kids; your shortness with dd2 seems minor! I hope you feel better soon.

In Mid-Full-Throttle PMT, I said to my DS1. "oh sorry for being moody. I am over-reacting" He said " Its OK. I am used to it".

Mortified.

However, I would say to your DD you are feeling bad about it - and if she remembers apologise and say you were tired etc. But she probably won't remember anything - and this might make you feel better. Good luck, and I can just tell that your 'bad moods' are probably tame anyway !