School drop off and pick up

[Isittoomuchtoask]

My eldest has just started reception and I HATE the school run.

I have made efforts with a few mums whose kids have taken to mine, but there are a few who have yet to say a single word to me and they seem very cliquey.

Is it always like this? It’s so awkward, I hate standing there alone waiting for my kid to come out whilst some of them have congregated together and are chatting away.

My child is in year 8 and it's always been that way for me!!

Any clicks that form usually fizzle out by year 6 anyway - don't worry.

The school run isn't for socialising with other mums anyway, just drop your kids off and get on with your life.

That's view. I also have a Year 6 and a 2 year old so will be back to reception age again soon!

I don't get the obsession with talking to other parents on the school run. I'm by no means rude if anyone chats to me, but I don't go seeking it. I stand there for about 10 minutes waiting for her to come out, less in the morning waiting for them to go in.
None of my parent friends (kids at different schools) seem to have any interest in chatting either.
I get in and out as soon as possible.
It hasn't made any difference to her friendships, it's not like I'm completely anti social, just busy.
I wouldn't let it occupy any thoughts in your mind going forward.

I have my own friends. I couldn't care less if I make friends this way or not.

I guess I’m worried that if I don’t then my kid will be excluded from things! I also worry that I might appear rude!

I loathe school gate cliques. Been doing it for twenty years now, I’ve learnt to just let it all roll off my back. Smile and if need be chat about only inconsequential things…many of the cliquey Mums are also drama queens. Earphones and music are useful. Also - it takes time. One of my closest friends is a woman I met at the gate 17 years ago now and that was a slow but meaningful friendship…the best sort.

I had a group of school mums I already knew from nursery so tended to chat to them.

Had someone approached us and said hi we’d happily have included them.

Have you tried OP? Or are you waiting for them to come to you?

You not appearing rude, they are being rude.

You and your child will do better with unforced situations organically happening.

Honestly don’t stress about this; some friendships will develop when your DC make friends and at parties it’s a good time to chat to people (there will be lots) but the school run is not a time I’m overly interested in chatting. For me school mums are like work colleagues; just because we have children the same age doesn’t mean we are going to be friends

I’ve been doing the school run for 7 years now and honestly I don’t really talk to anyone. Obviously if I see a friend, we’ll chat, or to organise activities or lifts, but generally I’m in and out and getting on with my day. Not there to socialise. In reception, a lot of parents are still quite shy and unsure of talking to other parents they don’t know. I wouldn’t get worked up about it. I didn’t find relationships formed until birthday parties started happening or kids start getting together to do things.

My youngest is in y2 and I still only know the parents in his year to have small talk with. Whereas eldest is in secondary and her friends parents are actual friends of ours. It doesn’t happen overnight.

With my eldest I had my younger baby in tow so I never felt under pressure to socialise, I was entirely focused on the baby especially once she started walking and I needed to keep up with her. Now she's at school so I don't have anything to distract me. At school drop offs I usually bring a book to read and ignore the other parents. At other activities I can usually browse my phone (but school is fussy about phone use on premises). I usually like eavesdropping on the gossip and people rarely notice me, it's handy for knowing about the schools and clubs locally.

I have my baby with me too, but so do many of the others!

Small steps, start with eye contact and a smile!

Then a hello…

I found this to other solo adults led to easy chat.

My eldest just started reception and honestly this kind of stuff goes over my head. If it is bothering you... go and talk to them! If they're rude/shun you or something, then you know they're not nice people so don't need to worry about talking to them in future. They possibly have older children already at the school so know each other before this year. There is definitely a group of reception mums who also have children in y2/3 at our school who seem to be close friends but that is to be expected, isn't it?

I say hi to the parents who make eye contact and say the occasional 'oh you're ben's mum! My DS played blocks with him yesterday!' etc but usually I let them take the lead because I'm awkward AF.

Our school have just started an 'early learners' group one morning a week straight after drop off for parents with pre school aged children (like a playgroup/stay and play) in the school hall which has been handy for meeting other parents who also have toddlers/babies (I also have a 2yo). Maybe contact the school and see if they're up for setting up something like that? Be proactive if it's bothering you!