Toddler tantrums in the middle of the night

[ammmmmo]

My 2 year 4 month old has never slept well. Before he turned 2, we hit a sweet spot, then bang as summer started he begun waking up at 4/5am every day, and has done so consistently for the past 3/4 months. Thought it was to do with the lights - invested in better blackout blinds, no luck. Read about the regression, likely could be that - have shortened his naps in case he’s trying to drop (but still can’t get through the day without one).- literally nothing makes a difference. Still wakes up early.

The past 3 weeks or so we now have the added beauty of him throwing tantrums in the middle of the night when he wakes up. I don’t think it is night terrors as he will calmly get out of bed and come in our room, then when we go back to his room he just throws almighty tantrums, kicking and screaming, basically being pretty irrational because I didn’t let him open the door, or I touched his blanket, or I put his drink in the wrong place. (He is dare I say it, quite obsessive about things and the position of them, even during the day, and doesn’t like things being moved or touched if he hasn’t ok’d it). I sit with him while he has a meltdown, eventually after about 15 minutes he calms down and wants a hug, then on a good night will happily go back to bed.

The last few nights these wakings have increased to multiple times a night again. I’m exhausted (I’m also pregnant).

Would really just love to know if 1) this is normal, 2) it’s just a phase, and 3) it’ll stop soon?!

Thanks x

I’d keep an eye on the obsessive side of things. Does he go to nursery, if so what do they say about him?

Yes, they think he’s wonderful. His communication is great, he talks a LOT, he loves making friends and playing with other children, he is a good eater, happy to try new foods, motor skills are good - generally no concerns. He is just a very strong willed but sensitive boy and always has been.

Just out of interest are you speaking from experience and if so what direction were you leaning to with that? When he was younger I did wonder if he was autistic but the way he has developed seemed to rule out a lot of those typical traits.

A relative of mine was quite obsessive about things from a very early age, the parents were told he was fine, but eventually he was diagnosed with ASD. Although he did also start to hand flap early too, but that was put down to him being a toddler by the GP/HV.

Sounds exhausting, we had this phase too and it resolved naturally. Can’t remember how long it lasted. Toddler was asking for telly (didn’t even watch much at the time) and eventually I gave up and played something on my phone directly into the cot, which hadn’t done before, and it calmed her and eventually she went back to sleep. Thankfully stopped of its own accord! Good luck.

Yes, I remember this stage with DS (now 6) and I was also pregnant at the time - brutal! You have my full sympathy. He was quite obsessive as a toddler and I think it was a desire for control over things. It was very hard. He has now grown out of that need for control although it pops up now and then.

What time does he sleep? Is it possible that as he’s a bit older now he doesn’t need as much total sleep? My DC at that age still needed a 1.5-2 hour nap but slept 10-10.5 hours at night (shortening the nap just resulted in a cranky toddler). If you’re putting him down at 7, then by 5am he might have had enough?

With the night wakings are you sure that he is definitely awake when he is walking into your room and the subsequent screaming? What I found with my DC is they may seem awake and can do things like answer questions but in fact they are not and don’t recall any of it the next morning. Although my DC did not wake and walk into another room, if I did anything that they didn’t like while they were in this half awake state, they would also thrash around and scream out like they were having a tantrum and be completely irrational. After about 15 mins they would also calm down and have a cuddle and go back to sleep. At its worst it would be repeated 3-4 times a night, but they always woke the next morning well rested as if nothing happened. They did grow out of it but I’m afraid it took a couple of years. We did eventually figure out what triggered them and tried to avoid eg too hot or too cold, sickness, too much excitement before bed etc.

Mine was similar- could scream for 30mins easily completely ignoring us. Once he started talking more we managed to work out it was generally related to bad dreams. He would sometimes calm down if I could get water or food in him- I think the sensation would wake him up more.

It was much worse when overtired. Does he still nap? Could you try a few early nights after a lot of fresh air?

I wouldn't worry about obsessive tendencies in a 2yo. Most classis "autistic" traits are completely normal in toddlers- it's only when they don't age out of them. It's developmentally normal for toddlers to like routine/ line things up/ be compulsively ridged about things.

Make sure you’re not putting to bed too early! I’ve done a lot of reading on toddler sleep and if you put a toddler to bed at 7pm then you’re bound to get 5am wake ups. With a nap as well you’re looking at 11-12 hours sleep which is enough. Maybe try bed later? Altho you haven’t said what time they go to bed x

You may still be able to have an appointment with your health visitor. I would make an one if possible. Having a little specific advice from a professional who can see your child can make a world of difference. It is important you get sleep, the health visitor will have seen many children just like yours and will be able to help with strategies.

Could he is sensing a change is due (your pregnancy)? Do you apeak to him about the baby?
My toddler also went through a brief phase when I was near due date. But she also had her two second molar erupting at the same time so thought it was that.

They're night terrors - absolutely horrendous to go through but they have no recollection of doing it.

When one of mine did this nothing fixed it until I dropped the nap. There was a brutal few days before they started to sleep later in the morning but it all settled down and everyone got enough sleep again. I think we did bring bedtime a bit earlier to make up for the lack of nap.

Try not to look for labels as the educational establishments get extra government funding and search for labels where they aren't there.
Some children will not settle at night alone and I don't think it can be forced. I allow him to sleep in your room until this phase passes. Allow him to lead lest your s and his sleep will forever be non existent. Thiß is just my opinion and others may disagree.

Night terrors due to your pregnancy unfortunately. Both my boys went through exactly the same thing. My eldest did it during both my pregnancies, he even did it when I didn't know I was pregnant and I had an early miscarriage.
When my health visitor told me it was due to me being pregnant I laughed but it stopped as soon as their siblings were born.
It's horrible but it will stop.

You have my sympathy. I’m sure my daughter’s night tantrums were not night terrors (for a start she remembered them in the morning) but I searched the internet and could not find anyone else mentioning them. She eventually grew out of them I’m happy to say!

He just sounds like he isnt sleeping well, hence the wake ups and irritability. Is he getting enough outdoor physical play? Couple hours of running around in fresh air does wonders for a good nights rest. Or could it be some sort of food sensitivity? Sometimes a food that causes silent reflux or something that constipates or aggravates the gut can effect how well they sleep. My poor eldest gets dairy and gets all stuffed up and cant breathe through the nose and winds up sleeping poorly. Sorry you are going through this, not getting enough sleep for mother and child is just awful! Plus being pregnant, sure takes a toll!