Other peoples kids… what’s that all about

[Mountainmumma21]

I’m looking for some - I don’t know, either guidance or reassurance.

setting the scene;

I have a 3 year old (just turned) she’s a follower- naturally gravitates to the older kids in the room. I love that she’s bold and confident and it has always been important to me that I raise a kid who can use thier voice!

BUT, please tell me how on earth do I manage situations that arise like today.

we've been at a family event recently, and there’s an older child present I’d say 6/7 maybe (I’ve not met before) and they were just hard work.. parents barely interested and just letting the child run wild touching everything in thier sight.

im a fairly chilled mum, i let her climb on things and explore her surroundings, but we are also very mindful of manners and other peoples belongings.

i feel like i spent the entire day / evening following my 3 year old around trying to gently remind her about all of the boundaries we’ve tried to set - that are not being followed by bigger child.

i.e. don’t throw things at other people, be mindful of the smaller children using the other toys, not to go outside into the car park, tell mummy where your going, no shoes on the soft play etc etc etc.

I felt like the more I told my little one the more this bigger kid pushed back, at one point she’s even snatching toys off of her but my little one still wants to play with her, I’ve said if this child is being unkind, you don’t have to play with her.

how do I manage this, is this a suck it up kinda thing. I do not want my girly hating being around me at social events because I’m constantly saying don’t do this don’t do that- as that’s not how we usually parent! But at the same time, I don’t want her being led astray and being (IMO) a horrible kid.

I think it's important to remember that when your PFB is little, other older DCs will invariably come across as being rough and badly behaved. You won't notice it if/when you have subsequent DCs.

I try not to judge other people's parenting and hope they don't judge mine!

I probably haven't answered your question. But generally you can't control other people's kids or what other parents do or don't do.

I have a just turned 3 year old as well. Doesn't matter what age the other kid is, I've had plenty of situations where I've pulled my son aside and said "I don't care if X is doing this-that-or-the-other. If you do that then (insert consequence)"

My son will stop when I call him where other children run off into the distance, will immediately respond when he is asked to do something, and understands that there are consequences for misbehaviour whether or not another child is doing those things. It takes consistency. I parent my child the same way whether other children or adults are about or not. They are irrelevant.

Yeah, I don’t think the other kid is that relevant. You’d need to be pretty hands on with a just turned three year old at a family event anyway, wouldn’t you?

following my 3 year old around trying to gently remind her about all of the boundaries we’ve tried to set

I also wouldn't be bothering with this. I don't follow my child around repeating myself or gently reminding them of anything. The expectations are laid out before we even set foot in the door. Simply and clearly. If I see him about to do something I don't like I remind him. If he needs to be removed for 5 minutes to sit with me then I do that swiftly. No fuss, away from what's going on in the party in some quiet spot where there's no attention. He knows exactly how to behave regardless of any other children.

There's no need to be gentle when explaining rules and expectations to children. Just tell them, and mean it.

I say things like our rules are xyz to differentiate because not all parents have the same rules etc. I also will tell older kids not to do things that are rude or dangerous and if other parents don't like it that's their issue for not actively parenting their kids. I am also very consistent and will quietly remove my child if they're copying poor behaviour as above.